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  • #46
    Also keep in mind that a Case Conference judge will be trying to find a middle ground compromise. This is not what you would expect from trial necessarily, it is in between.

    If this were me, I would have the offer you are comfortable with on the table, and then cease communications. You will just be paying your lawyer by the hour to write emails back and forth. At this point, she signs, or you proceed to the next conference and push for trial.

    Remove the ex from the benefits, keep the daughter on, pay the CS only. Begin paying the SS from the time the ex signs the separation agreement. You are not in arrears if it is a limited duration. All that happens is that the duration begins when you sign and start paying. However you will be in arrears for CS so pay that monthly.

    Otherwise I would cease all contact with the ex. Let her pay her lawyer you draw up a reasonable offer based on the judge's recommendation. If she sends something unreasonable, ignore it and show up at the next conference. There is no need to spend more money on lawyers than you have to at this point.

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    • #47
      Originally posted by Mess View Post
      Also keep in mind that a Case Conference judge will be trying to find a middle ground compromise. This is not what you would expect from trial necessarily, it is in between.

      If this were me, I would have the offer you are comfortable with on the table, and then cease communications. You will just be paying your lawyer by the hour to write emails back and forth. At this point, she signs, or you proceed to the next conference and push for trial.

      Remove the ex from the benefits, keep the daughter on, pay the CS only. Begin paying the SS from the time the ex signs the separation agreement. You are not in arrears if it is a limited duration. All that happens is that the duration begins when you sign and start paying. However you will be in arrears for CS so pay that monthly.

      Otherwise I would cease all contact with the ex. Let her pay her lawyer you draw up a reasonable offer based on the judge's recommendation. If she sends something unreasonable, ignore it and show up at the next conference. There is no need to spend more money on lawyers than you have to at this point.
      Hey mess, thanks for the quick response and looking out for me financially!! You're like the forum father (and I mean that withe the utmost respect).

      My lawyer has already suggested we punch up a ots ASAP..there's still some documentation both parties need to put forward though..we asked that they produce proper documentation that her daughter is enrolled in local hs still (again I posted a tread awhile back stating I heard the daughter has moved to bio dads) and that she still resides at the stbx's, etc

      They want proof of my bio children's enrollment in univ, my old court order for cs for them, any s.7 expenses I've contributed towards their schooling, etc

      Judge has agreed that both parties should provide the proper documentation to prove this.

      As much of a pain the the a** as that seems, it'll definetly help with the negotiations I think..

      Either way Mess, it was a fair decision (I think)..he definetly didn't give me everything my lawyer and I suggested but he honestly leaned our direction more than the stbx's!! It was painfully obvious really!!

      I haven't been in court in over 16 years but I have the understanding u wait for the judge to leave the bench before exiting the courtroom, correct??

      Not the stbx and her lawyer..basically stormed outta there right after he finished with his opinion. Shocked me really.

      Hey, something I forgot to ask my lawyer that u just brought up, so because the ss has been deemed to be for a limited duration, there's no arrears for ss?? We separated in aug and during the 4 way, stbx and lawyer were leaning hard on arrears for ss AND cs!!

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      • #48
        Spousal isn't in arrears until you have a signed agreement and don't pay. As has been mentioned your stbx and her lawyer are trying to blow smoke up your ass.

        Offer low end spousal with limited duration, the difference between table for you and table for Bio dad, and for god sakes write terminating events for cs and a firm end date on spousal. (it if the child takes a year off, no cs should be due given she no longer meets the requirements of a child of the marriage.)

        So cs and educational contribution dependent on enrollment in full time post secondary with passing grades (proof to be provided each semester).

        No enrollment or no passing grades...cs ends.

        Comment


        • #49
          Originally posted by NBDad View Post
          Spousal isn't in arrears until you have a signed agreement and don't pay. As has been mentioned your stbx and her lawyer are trying to blow smoke up your ass.

          Offer low end spousal with limited duration, the difference between table for you and table for Bio dad, and for god sakes write terminating events for cs and a firm end date on spousal. (it if the child takes a year off, no cs should be due given she no longer meets the requirements of a child of the marriage.)

          So cs and educational contribution dependent on enrollment in full time post secondary with passing grades (proof to be provided each semester).

          No enrollment or no passing grades...cs ends.
          Right on, thanks NBdad..is what I was hoping for! I understand I'll be in arrears for cs but wasnt sure about the ss

          Absolutely!! Lower end of the ssag guide lines for sure, my lawyer and I discussed this already, I know when we mention we'll be taking the stbx off health benefits, it'll cause a s**tstorm..believe it or not, it's mentioned more than ss and cs!!

          The firm end "date" sounds beneficial for me for sure!! It'll definitely be on the ots!!

          The cs should be interesting I'm the next year or so..there was no mention of the ss going up after the cs stops (when the judge spoke during the cc) but during the 4 way, the stbx's lawyer mentioned it quite a few times.

          Comment


          • #50
            You've gotten spot on (IMO) advice from Mess and NBDad. Now's the time to stand your ground with a reasonable offer and just let them go nuts with the drama if they want.

            Comment


            • #51
              They should not be tied together. Cs is for the kid, spousal is for her. One should have no impact on the other.

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by Exquizique View Post
                You've gotten spot on (IMO) advice from Mess and NBDad. Now's the time to stand your ground with a reasonable offer and just let them go nuts with the drama if they want.
                Oh I realize that exquizique! I appreciate both their advice..brought up a few things with my lawyer in regards to their comments..they've actually made me feel alot more comfortable about this whole process.

                Comment


                • #53
                  Originally posted by Leviathan View Post
                  ok...so...health benefits for the STBX under my work plan...I'm going crazy here..need help

                  I guess the only real answer is to call the insurance company and ask them directly...
                  You're going "crazy", but you haven't even called Great West Life directly yet?

                  Give Great West Life a call directly, and get the facts straight from the horse's mouth. Then you can decide if you have an issue or not, based off what they say. Perhaps someone has already suggested this to you - I didn't have time to read through the multiple pages of responses on this.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                    You're going "crazy", but you haven't even called Great West Life directly yet?

                    Give Great West Life a call directly, and get the facts straight from the horse's mouth. Then you can decide if you have an issue or not, based off what they say. Perhaps someone has already suggested this to you - I didn't have time to read through the multiple pages of responses on this.
                    Hey dad2bandm..

                    I've spoken to my hr dept and I can keep the stbx on the plan until everything has been finalized. As for her child..as long as she's still in school and I'm paying cs, it's not a problem.

                    Haven't spoken directly to GWL but I have hr looking to see if there's any options..if there are any

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by NBDad View Post
                      They should not be tied together. Cs is for the kid, spousal is for her. One should have no impact on the other.
                      I agree..but it's not uncommon for ss to increase once cs stops, is it?? It's unfair I agree but I know the stbx will be asking for sure!! They already did during the 4 way

                      At least I've heard it's been asked of and awarded before.

                      Either way, my lawyer has stated she's going to get a set amount of ss in the ots with no changes made after cs stops..

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Leviathan View Post
                        I agree..but it's not uncommon for ss to increase once cs stops, is it??
                        Actually, it's more common that once fixed and agreed to, the SS amount does not change. Yes you've probably read cases that have SS recipients go back to court to ask for a change/increase in SS due to whatever reasons, but those are specific reasons unique to that particular case. As a rule, SS and CS are completely two different things. Just because the other party is pushing to tie them together doesn't make it a rule or a "slam dunk" for them.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Make sure to speak to, if you haven't already with your lawyer, putting a "stop date" on the spousal support, at some point. I didn't see the "length/details" of this common law relationship, in this thread (perhaps I missed it).

                          Given that spousal support is even being mentioned, then I'm going to assume the situation warrants it (partner needs to show they have a claim to it). But make sure you set a "stop date" to it, while you're paying the lawyer $$$ now, not later.

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                          • #58
                            Originally posted by Exquizique View Post
                            Actually, it's more common that once fixed and agreed to, the SS amount does not change. Yes you've probably read cases that have SS recipients go back to court to ask for a change/increase in SS due to whatever reasons, but those are specific reasons unique to that particular case. As a rule, SS and CS are completely two different things. Just because the other party is pushing to tie them together doesn't make it a rule or a "slam dunk" for them.
                            Ok thanks exquizique..it's going to be a battle with the opposing lawyer I'm sure but hey..if it goes to a settlement conference, so be it..this past judge just helped clear some facts to them that both the lawyer and I were suggesting!!

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                              Make sure to speak to, if you haven't already with your lawyer, putting a "stop date" on the spousal support, at some point. I didn't see the "length/details" of this common law relationship, in this thread (perhaps I missed it).

                              Given that spousal support is even being mentioned, then I'm going to assume the situation warrants it (partner needs to show they have a claim to it). But make sure you set a "stop date" to it, while you're paying the lawyer $$$ now, not later.

                              It was an 11 year relationship..she worked throughout the whole relationship..etc,

                              There's a huge gap between our wages and to be honest, because of that and the length of the relationship, that's all it's really based off now adays dad2bandm!! Honestly it's a farce!!

                              I'm happy enough that the judge at least saw that according to the ssag, the ss will be limited and between the lower to mid range..the stbx wanted indefinite spousal on the higher end of the ssag.

                              I'll ensure there's an end date on both the cs and ss in the ots.

                              Comment

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