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False "Status Quo" and Alienation..............

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  • False "Status Quo" and Alienation..............

    Hello all,

    I have a few questions about status quo and alienation. My questions are; a) How to prove a false "status quo" ? The reason I ask is because the mother completely changed everything when she retained a lawyer. no more extra access, no more decision making (even though we have joint custody) and since recently she has been attempting to make false allegations against me (some sort of abuse which is false because I record every pick up and drop off). And as for Alienating me from our child, the mother is purposely and knowingly using every attempt she can to try to distance our son from me by limiting facetime contact between us and cutting it off short when I start asking questions about school and such, she also refused to let him use the Mens washroom with me and pulled him into the Womens washroom (which I find extremely odd and unreasonable seeing as he is 5 yrs old) And its actions like this in public that concern me because I feel that she is acting out and using our child as a bargaining chip. This is not how it was 4 yrs of his life before she got a lawyer.

    What can I do ?

  • #2
    Pending a court order, you have assumed 50/50 custody. Its up to you to use it.

    First, make out an access schedule and email it to your ex. Tell her that she can make amendments as long as you both get equal time which is what you both are entitled to under the law during separation. Put a date on it for responses and after that time, start following it.

    If she denies access on your days...you document it on a daily calendar you should be keeping. You then email her and let her know that you do not agree with her decision to deny your access and that on date xx/xx/xxxx you will be scheduled with the next access time with your child. Let her know that your child has a right to a relationship with you. Rinse and repeat and keep good records.

    Make arrangements to take the child to doctor's visits, appointments, and on outings. Keep copies of things like receipts and ticket stubs and attach it to your daily calendar.

    One thing that I did because my ex tried similar idiotic tactics was to pick my kid up from school myself. Whether your child is in daycare or school, make those arrangements.

    Its up to you to not let her strong-arm you. You need to understand she is not the owner of your child...under the law you have equal access and equal protection. If you pick the child up per the scheduled days and keep him (and I recommend doing so away from the house or wherever she is)...she has zero power to stop you. You have every right to take your kid where you please on your access time. She can't call the cops, etc....you are the child's father.

    Too many people (more often men for some reason) let their ex gatekeeper the kids. Be as reasonable as you can with her but bottom line, spend time with your kid out of her presence. Insist upon it and document it.

    Comment


    • #3
      Do you have an order or agreement? If you do, what does it provide with regards to parenting time?

      Comment


      • #4
        1. Retain a respectable lawyer who has dealt with the issue; or
        2. Educate yourself as an expert in the area.

        To facilitate #2 start reading:

        http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ily-law-15139/

        http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...hildren-15927/

        Good Luck!
        Tayken

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you so much for that interesting read Tayken.

          Pursuinghappiness- we have an agreement that states that we have "Joint Custody" and I have access every other weekend and every Monday after school and liberal access upon reasonable notice. My ex added that "liberal access" to soften the idea of her having primary status. And I had "liberal access" very often. I made and took him to doctors appointment and attended all his appointments. I played a big role in our childs life. He is 5 yrs old and I have been there since he was born and was always flexible and reasonable with her. Unfortunately, at the time of signing the agreement I could not afford a lawyer and she assured me nothing would change ( which was my biggest mistake). Since asking her to amend the agreement to state that I wanted more time and shared custody ( which was the norm) she lawyered up and changed drastically. Now Im in this 2 yr custody battle and while I am trying to prove that sharing custody of our child is in his best interest, she is doing and saying anything he can so that that does not happen.

          Long story short, she has caused conflict in public to try to use against me and constantly lies in her affidavits and briefs. And now she has created a "status quo" and I cant do anything without causing conflict. And the judge (which I find biased) defends what the ex is alleging. For example, when my ex enforced a calendar for our childs summer camp (while the court order stated he was in my care for the week) the judge was on me about why I wanted to take our child out early ? The courts and my ex know I finish work early afternoon while the mom finishes at 4pm and the summer camp was by my ex work which was in the middle of my work and my home. and this is not the first and only time I felt the judge being biased. So I feel I cant impose anything and have to wait it out.

          Comment


          • #6
            Tayken,

            I have a few concerns.

            1. The exhibits/Tabs that my ex relies on are text messages from 3 yrs ago and are not the full extent of the conversation that occurred at that time. Yet she was able to manipulate the extent of the text/email and twisted it to use against me. How do I professionally dispose them in my updated Settlement conference brief?

            2. My ex claims that we should have shared custody due to the fact that our child needs "predictability, stability and certainty". And I can prove that she does not abide by that herself. Is it reasonable for me to prove this in my settlement conference and also provide all the details of my attempts to try to settle outside of court?

            The OCL is involved and is doing their investigation. My thoughts are to file an updated brief now with all of that and then another after reviewing the recommendations of the OCL. What are yours or anyone thoughts on this?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by OntarioDaddyMan View Post
              Tayken,

              I have a few concerns.

              1. The exhibits/Tabs that my ex relies on are text messages from 3 yrs ago and are not the full extent of the conversation that occurred at that time. Yet she was able to manipulate the extent of the text/email and twisted it to use against me. How do I professionally dispose them in my updated Settlement conference brief?

              2. My ex claims that we should have shared custody due to the fact that our child needs "predictability, stability and certainty". And I can prove that she does not abide by that herself. Is it reasonable for me to prove this in my settlement conference and also provide all the details of my attempts to try to settle outside of court?

              The OCL is involved and is doing their investigation. My thoughts are to file an updated brief now with all of that and then another after reviewing the recommendations of the OCL. What are yours or anyone thoughts on this?
              Yup the child will be able to predictably know the he will be at your house half the time.
              Your child will have stability of BOTH parents in his/her life.
              Your child will have certainty that BOTH parents love him/her and want and will be a part of his/her life forever.

              Those are very easy to flip around to be in your favor.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                Yup the child will be able to predictably know the he will be at your house half the time.
                Your child will have stability of BOTH parents in his/her life.
                Your child will have certainty that BOTH parents love him/her and want and will be a part of his/her life forever.

                Those are very easy to flip around to be in your favor.

                OMG. Thank You so much. WOW it all makes sense to me now. I was looking to deeply and far into this then need be.

                Thank You

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by OntarioDaddyMan View Post
                  OMG. Thank You so much. WOW it all makes sense to me now. I was looking to deeply and far into this then need be.

                  Thank You

                  You are most welcome

                  If you search through some of my past posts I posted my factum with a the justifications for shared equal parenting.

                  Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    OP:

                    You are going to a "settlement conference". There is nothing to prove at a "settlement conference". It is a mediated solution at which no substantial issue can be ordered. Please read the Rules and other posts (thousands) on this forum that outline this.

                    With regards to the settlement conference, I would make an offer to settle setting out full joint custody and 50-50 access based on a 2-2-5-5 access schedule.

                    If you are not familiar with 2-2-5-5 access schedules, again, search my main threads by simply clicking my name and searching for all my main threads. (You can also use Google and search "Tayken 2-2-5-5 explained" to produce the same result.

                    With regards to SMS text messages you should have challenged the evidence on a motion or the return of a motion (if brought ex-parte) or finally on a cross motion. Again, they can be challenged as evidence when the matter eventually (if it does) to trial. Also, the relevance of SMS messages from 3 years ago should be questioned.

                    But, you won't be able to address any of this at a Settlement Conference. It is not a motion or trial hearing. I would focus on presenting a comprehensive settlement offer... Rather than try to "argue" something that the justice can't even address.

                    The best thing to do at an SC is to request an order for the document disclosures you want for settling equalization (bank info etc...) if you don't have it and to put forward a painfully awesome and reasonable offer to settle.

                    Good Luck!
                    Tayken

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      what is the exact wording of the liberal. access clause, it almost seems that you can have access whenever you want as long as you give notice (I.e: you just ask)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                        what is the exact wording of the liberal. access clause, it almost seems that you can have access whenever you want as long as you give notice (I.e: you just ask)
                        "Him and Her shall have Joint custody of the child. the child shall primarily reside with Her and Him shall have liberal access upon reasonable notice, to include;

                        unless ptherwise agreed, on alternate weeks, the child shall be with Him from end of school or day care on Friday until sunday at 5:00pm when he delivers the child to her,

                        each Monday afternoon from end of school or day care until 6:30pm when he delivers the child to Her."

                        Also, our right of first refusal is very vague.

                        But I cannot access him at all other then my scheduled access which does not include my liberal access. Now she does not respond to my request at all.

                        Comment

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