How easy is it to self represent?

[J_Kitchener2010]

My ex and I divorced 2 years ago (separated in 2005) and I spent about 80k during the 2 years we were in litigation. It was very complicated.

I now have custody of the kids but she is threatening to go back to court and try to change the divorce order and obtain custody of our kids.

There is no way I'm going to pay a lawyer again. The reason litigation lasted so long was due to severe errors made by my lawyer as well as those made by my ex's. The amount of time I spent in court I now feel I could go it alone.

I took her to court a few months back and represented myself. It was a motion of contempt and I won. She unreasonably witheld permission for me to take my kids on vacation out of Canada at the last minute for ridiculous reasons. The courts sided with me and also made her pay costs (which I haven't received yet and doubt I ever will).

I would like to go it alone but am terrified. Even though I won the last little battle the judge was rather unpleasant and seemed to resent the fact that I was representing myself. I may have imagined it.

Can I get by using this site and others - whatever she throws at me? Any other resources I can check out? I went to the forms site a few times and there is just so much to go through. I used the FLIC services at the court house and each time got a completely different opinion on the course of action that I should pursue. Eventually it was the clerks who pickup the phones at the courthouse who, even thought aren't supposed to give legal advice, quietly told me to go the Motion of Contempt route - just to get me to stop calling I suspect.

Anyway - have any of you self represented through complicated cases and won? Can you share your experiences? Is there anything I need to be aware of before I commit to this course of action?

Thanks again.

[Nadia]

With the high cost of litigation, people are left with little choice but to self-represent. I wonder what the current statistics are on this?

In my experience I have found that Judges are quite supportive of those who self-represent. They will give you more time if necessary and usually go out their way to explain the rules if necessary.

[NBDad]

In regards to the process and forms, I believe you can speak with the FLIC guys for a free 1/2 hour consult or something.

There are those on the forum here that are VERY well versed on the forms and procedures that need to be followed.

Also, it may be worth your while to occasionally pay for an hour session with a lawyer to bounce ideas off. (just make sure you are prepared ahead of time and know EXACTLY what you are looking for)

[InterprovincialParents]

On your case, it is quite easy to self-represent...you just have to know what to expect, and how to disprove it Almost all paperwork can be done on your own, all with assistance from someone with experience...and then you can use your half hour to check them with FLIC. Through the process, each time you submit paper to the court, you might want to check with a lawyer...but it is very do-able.

[rwm1273]

If you can keep your cool, and wait until after someone is done talking bad about you, then reply without getting abusive, then you can represent yourself very well.

Lawyers are very good at removing emotion from the equation. If you can remove your emotion from your legal issues, then you will be much better at representing yourself.

Court is about respect. If you respect the judge, and you do not interupt, and wait until the other side is done, you will gain respect from the judge. If you take notes when the other side is talking, and wait for your turn, then address the other sides arguments in a clear and short manner, then you will have a much better chance at winning.

Also if you keep your affidavits short and to as few issues as possible, you have a much better chance than if you go forward with a long winded affidavit that jumps around, and has many issues to resolve. Judges have a short attention span, and get lost or confused if you go on for too long, so keep your issues as short as possible.

My friend has a saying "keep your affidavits to 3 issues maximum and don't wear anything shiny. It distracts the judge". It works.

[want_a_divorce]

I had a friend who represented her self. It was not drawn out and lenghty as my own separation over 2 1/2 years of lawyer bills. We would sit there in court, waiting for our turn and the judge goes on lunch and decides not to return. 4 hours of sitting times $350 per hour = $1400 of nothing. Then reschedule it for 3 months from then only to have to sit with the lawyer prior to THAT meeting and go over everything again. Large amounts of money spent of large amounts of wasted time. I could go on and on about the waste of money but in the end, I am free of my X (almost) and we have not actually spoken (other than a few emails) in over 1 year.
Now, as you, having been there, and paid the reaper you now know how to deal with it and what to say and how to say it. I'm sure I could represent myself now too if I had to.
I'd say go for it. On the otherhand, I'm not being nosey but why would you not want the mother to have shared custody? I see too much how the women fight the men on this issue and in the end it's the children we're talking about. It's the children born of both parents we are fighting over. You can split a dollar bill but you can't split a child. Are the children old enough to realize what is going on? If they are, what is their take on all this?
Usually with custody for women it's about that precious C.S cheque and how it's divisable by percentage of time spent with what parent. Trust me, I see it with my boyfriends X wife and how she insisted on one extra day per week with the kids to keep her full C.S.
Is she really that bad a mom to not have shared custody? or Has she moved away and so it's easier to have the custody than to try and OK everything with her from a distance?
You can still have split custody but keeping your home as the Primary Residence and you as the "last decision maker" over issues that you both don't agree on.
You need'nt answer any of these but I just don't understand when one parent fights the other for custody if both parents are fit. My x has custody because of a control issue he has and it didn't matter here nor there with me or the boys because they are older.
Take care and I hope it all works out for you.

[J_Kitchener2010]

On the otherhand, I'm not being nosey but why would you not want the mother to have shared custody? I see too much how the women fight the men on this issue and in the end it's the children we're talking about. It's the children born of both parents we are fighting over. You can split a dollar bill but you can't split a child. Are the children old enough to realize what is going on? If they are, what is their take on all this?
Usually with custody for women it's about that precious C.S cheque and how it's divisable by percentage of time spent with what parent. Trust me, I see it with my boyfriends X wife and how she insisted on one extra day per week with the kids to keep her full C.S.
Is she really that bad a mom to not have shared custody? or Has she moved away and so it's easier to have the custody than to try and OK everything with her from a distance?
.

For my ex it is ALL about the CS cheque and the prospect of not having to work. She has two kids from another marriage and one of them has turned 18 and moved out so she no longer gets that cheque. She is on welfare and despises work.

To put this into perspective, when she agreed to the terms of this settlement, she was happy to agree to primary custody and final decision making to me, just to get me to agree to give her my half of the house... which I gladly did. She already blew that cash (80k). There are other things too and emails that scream financial motivation for her actions.

She also has alcohol issues and has been arrested for assault and DUI in the past. She is alienating the kids and to me shared custody is not an option right now.

Of course I want the kids to see her and for her to be their mother but too much has happened in the past to make me sign over custody to her.

[anotherSTEPmother]

Very complicated situation and self represented. FLIC will advise on legal procedures only. Basically is she will also be self represented then it won't be too hard, but if she has a lawyer like in our case make sure to read your case law. Also, unless you have a material change in circumstances, she will likely be denied anyways.

[ANewLife]

I am representing myself - I was certainly more prepared than her lawyer...she also wanted to speak and get emotional...I did follow the advice above about writing notes, letting the other party speak and addressing the judge correctly (my ex didn`t and you could see the judge getting annoyed).

In fact, I also brought the judge back to a point that hadn`t been completed and she stated `you are very clever` in a respectful way (I like to think)...I was very well prepared and had references to the act.

When or if, Spousdal support comes up, I will visit a lawyer beforehand to get some calculations done - her lawyer tried to `scare`me with that when we spoke prior tot he case conference.