Mother freaked out, took away access

[LondonFather]

Hello All,

So its been a while since I posted on here and thought I would update, and hopefully get some feedback/ suggestions/ "feel good feelings about next week"

So Monday I had my Summary Conference. My ex had not handed in a single thing, including court ordered documents from the case conference and she got raked over the coals massively. It was not pretty, the Judge was not impressed, sided with everything I was saying and rescheduled a two hour session for a summary meeting in October. My ex literally got spanked...

However, Tuesday my "feeling on top of the world" quickly crashed and burned. She sent me a text stating that my son was sick and she was picking him up from day care. Day care later confirmed he was not sick, but they way the lady spoke to me... was not making me feel confident that daycare was be trusted anymore. Anyhow.. I text my ex back I would pick him up from her house, but she responded he was sick and in bed. I drove down, not there. I left her a VM letting her know that I would be calling the police in 5 minutes if no response. No response. So I left, called. No custody agreement? Sorry, we can't help you. Ouch.

I then received an email from my ex stating.... I now only get access with my son every other friday- sun night... instead of the near 50% we had previously. Ouch.

Well I quickly put together a Motion, dropped it off at the court house, and had my friend serve her last night while I watched several feet away (safe distance). Well she was shocked... and I then emailed her that I would be picking up my son at the regular scheduled time and she could bring up her concerns in court Wed.

So basically my ex's argument is that daycare has mentioned he is having behavioral issues (surprise this didn't come up Monday) and he needs "consistent parenting and discipline" to be school ready in September. Well she even admitted to the courts the day before her 12 year old sister has to watch him quite often due to her late night classes.... only consistent parenting and discipline he gets comes from me unfortunately.

Anyways... anyone else have to file an emergency custody/access motion in the past? How does the process go? Can she just show up with a binder of papers and hand the judge what ever she thinks helps her? Or will the judge basically look at my motion, the timing of her deciding to restrict my access... and court order the same parenting schedule we have followed for the past year and half?

Any advice would be great! Many thanks.

[wretchedotis]

I've had to bring a motion on access before.
Make sure you present a clear and logical arguement.
Emphasis on status-quo (near 50/50 you say).

Withholding access is not something the courts look favourably on. I imagine it should be an easy decision for the judge.

As for constant care and parenting that she claims - I wonder why she feels DAD cannot provide the same? Something you should say to the judge is that you are just as capable as providing the appropriate care as MOM.

Go to the court early, and have duty counsel look over your documents and make any suggestions.

Basically, you will show up and stand before a judge. You most likely won't have to say much if you materials are up to snuff. Be prepared to answer a question or two, though.

I expect your ex will get spanked again.

[LondonFather]

Thank you for the advice wretchedotis..

however I think I may be screwed now...

I told my ex in email after she was served that she would have her opportunity in court on Wed to make her concerns known, and that I would pick my son up according to schedule.

So tonight I went to daycare, and the daycare lady was outside with two other parents. I waited for the two parents to walk away, and quietly asked her if my son was there "no" .. what time did __ pick him up? "around 3" .. I said OK, and walked away.

Well I just got an email from daycare stating that I was confrontational, that i made the other parents uncomfortable and she understands I am in a bad place right now but going forward I am not allowed to pick up my son from day care and that I will need to make arrangements for my ex to get him.

I responded noting exactly what had happened, said I was not sure why she felt uncomfortable and stated as of Wed we would have an access order from court and she could decide how to proceed from there on. We are switching day cares in 5 weeks.. but MAN this lady is making stuff up and causing problems! Luckily I had my buddy and his wife serve my ex with the motion last night while I stood in the distance so she couldnt make stuff up.. but I really was not concerned that day care would make stuff up!

My ex is going to bat with this stuff now... and I can just imagine what the judge is going to think. Why do people make stuff up and play dirty! AHHH

Am i screwed?

[Rioe]

Well, I wouldn't advise this except that I guess you're already switching daycares so it won't be a long lasting issue. I would tell the daycare that you have only been reasonable and respectful with them, and that as the child's parent and a legal custodian, you are entitled to pick him up on your access days. Then, if you show up when your ex has already picked the child up, it demonstrates that your ex is the one being a trouble-maker. Arrange to have the pickup recorded, so you have proof that you were respectful about it, and that your ex interfered with your access. You can use a digital recorder on your person, or have a friend in the car with a camera or something.

Who knows what your ex is telling the daycare about you; they are probably paranoid that you'll make a scene. A couple of times of you sighing and assuring them that you understand that your ex's shenanigans are not their fault, instead of having screaming fits, ought to reassure them. I wonder if there's a Daycare Alienation Syndrome, hehe.

This also sends your ex a message that you expect to be treated as an equal parent by everyone who looks after your child, and that she shouldn't try to put them in the middle of things.

[Skndlz2904]

let me get this straight, someone from your child's daycare is telling you that you cannot pickup your child??

I would go and pickup my son and if they refuse to bring him up, I'd show them the Birth Certificate and if they're STILL refusing to give you your child I would call the cops and charge them with custody interference.

[dinkyface]

I don't think you are screwed at all - although it is highly stressful and aggravating and stinky.

Try to build an evidence trail - emails to your ex stating that what happened and that you expect to pick up your kid next at x day, x time. Bring a lady friend with you on pickups for witness. *** RECORD *** your daycare visits in case they try to fabricate something - protect yourself! Other parents are uncomfortable? Not your problem. Were daycare pickups usually civil before this? If possible try to get a photo of their sign out sheet, showing that your ex picked up early on your day. Stay calm and polite and respectful. Give the daycare a copy of your last order. Keep showing up on your days. If she continues to pick them up early and deny your access it makes it easier for you, since it is just between you and mom.

[beebie]

Ask for medical proof of sick child
Get your access order to say you get the child unless he is in freakin hospital
Refuse to pay spouse for day care until switch to new centre (risky)
Try to work it out by mediation or counseling with wife;few people win by fighting and appeal to her parental concern for child's welfare and happiness

[LondonFather]

Ask for medical proof of sick child
Get your access order to say you get the child unless he is in freakin hospital
Refuse to pay spouse for day care until switch to new centre (risky)
Try to work it out by mediation or counseling with wife;few people win by fighting and appeal to her parental concern for child's welfare and happiness

Thanks Beebie

I tried the mediation route, and I do have many emails from my ex agreeing to shared custody, even one several weeks before the last court date. I will have to print these off.

However, my ex wants the money. I was recording her calls last year and have her telling me "I need custody... to um... get the money. You know that right" I was advise not to get into a mud flinging contest but stay calm and just keep saying what I think is best for our son. Which I think the plan is on Wed.

So I have the couple that helped me serve writing me a letter stating this is the exact reason I asked them to help.. so she could not try any shenanigans. My boss is also going to write a letter regarding my demeanor at work.. and I am going to hope to god that come Wed that Judge looks at her restricting my access, the email to day care from me asking that they alert me during the day (two days previous) if my ex picks up logan on a day that is not her.. (all very polite emails) .. and realizes they have seen this a thousand times before and known who the trouble maker is.

I really hope a Judge wont be swayed by a mother restricting access the day after court and then having day care say that I was confrontational. The sad thing is i made a point to be polite and leave immediately after daycare said he had been picked up already. Hopefully I can win a "he said-she said" thing where one party is not even there.

[LondonFather]

Quick Question to those who have done a motion before....


Is either myself, or the other party allowed to present evidence that was not turned into the court house on time? The reason I ask is my ex will want to hand in this documentation and I know she will have followed the proper procedures again. If she does, and they accept.. I will be asking the Judge to review my additional evidence that I did not think was required when I filed the motion. Anyone know how lenient the judges are on this? Thank you!

[Mess]

A motion should be a simple, quick, ideally cheap proceedure. If it is more complex it should go to trial.

Imagine you are allowed to ask for one thing, and one thing only. What would that thing be? This how you focus your motion.

There can be more than one thing in a motion, but there are limits. It is best to start with that one thing, and then if there are dependant items, they follow. What I mean, you need Child Support amounts updated, but you aren't being provided with financials. These things are dependant so the motion will require both. But really you are seeking one thing.

You request that thing, you make a simple, logical argument to support it. Do a web search about how to construct a logical argument, this is important to the courts and most of us forgot how after middle school.

The argument should be supported by facts. Some facts you can't prove, so you swear in your affidavit that they are true. As much as possible, if you can prove facts, you should attach proof.

The proof you attach should have a simple introduction on the first page describing what the proof is ("Attendance record for child from September through November showing number of absences"). This is followed by the copies of whatever documents, statements, records etc that apply.

Most times the judge won't read the entire affidavit, they don't need to look at 10 pages of attendence records or bank statements. They look at your argument, why a fact is relevent, then they read the cover paragraph to know what it was you attached. If the other party doesn't contest your facts, they are accepted as true. If the other party says they are all lies, they have to prove it.

You don't just randomly attach documents. You have already made your argument, you back up your argument with a statement that it is supported by the following facts, the facts are relevent for such and such a reason, and the facts are proven by the attached documents.

Some of your facts may be statements sworn by witnesses. You may not simply say that "so-and-so said this was true". That is called hearsay and it is not admissible. You may get them to swear an affidavit stating what they heard, saw, did etc. This is direct evidence and admissible. Again, you must show in your original argument why it is relevent.

You put your motion order request together like this, the judge reads it, reads the other party's reply and makes a decision. There may be a question or two asked, but this process is not about testimony or cross examination or arguing, that is what you do at trial. This process is a simple reading of two arguments and a decision.

If you try to make it more complicated than that you will screw yourself up. A judge will throw out the motion if is too complex and state it should go to trial.

[LondonFather]

A motion should be a simple, quick, ideally cheap proceedure. If it is more complex it should go to trial.

Imagine you are allowed to ask for one thing, and one thing only. What would that thing be? This how you focus your motion.

There can be more than one thing in a motion, but there are limits. It is best to start with that one thing, and then if there are dependant items, they follow. What I mean, you need Child Support amounts updated, but you aren't being provided with financials. These things are dependant so the motion will require both. But really you are seeking one thing.

You request that thing, you make a simple, logical argument to support it. Do a web search about how to construct a logical argument, this is important to the courts and most of us forgot how after middle school.

The argument should be supported by facts. Some facts you can't prove, so you swear in your affidavit that they are true. As much as possible, if you can prove facts, you should attach proof.

The proof you attach should have a simple introduction on the first page describing what the proof is ("Attendance record for child from September through November showing number of absences"). This is followed by the copies of whatever documents, statements, records etc that apply.

Most times the judge won't read the entire affidavit, they don't need to look at 10 pages of attendence records or bank statements. They look at your argument, why a fact is relevent, then they read the cover paragraph to know what it was you attached. If the other party doesn't contest your facts, they are accepted as true. If the other party says they are all lies, they have to prove it.

You don't just randomly attach documents. You have already made your argument, you back up your argument with a statement that it is supported by the following facts, the facts are relevent for such and such a reason, and the facts are proven by the attached documents.

Some of your facts may be statements sworn by witnesses. You may not simply say that "so-and-so said this was true". That is called hearsay and it is not admissible. You may get them to swear an affidavit stating what they heard, saw, did etc. This is direct evidence and admissible. Again, you must show in your original argument why it is relevent.

You put your motion order request together like this, the judge reads it, reads the other party's reply and makes a decision. There may be a question or two asked, but this process is not about testimony or cross examination or arguing, that is what you do at trial. This process is a simple reading of two arguments and a decision.

If you try to make it more complicated than that you will screw yourself up. A judge will throw out the motion if is too complex and state it should go to trial.

Thank you Mess! I will keep it simple. All I have asked in the motion is to have a court order re-instating access as per the status quo for the past year and half.

By chance do you post under the name Mess on the HFBoards?

[beebie]

Mess gave you an awesome reply. Follow it. you don,t want it set down to a hearing. Simple is better than "he said/she said"

[LondonFather]

Thought I would both update and ask for further advice.

So we had the motion appear before the court. We had the same judge as last time and he remembered us. The first comments out of his mouth where "didn't I see you two last week?"

So basically my ex is now arguing that because of School in September, my son needs 1 singular home providing consistent parenting and discipline. They have a letter from the daycare saying I was aggressive but more importantly that daycare does not think my son is ready for school, he is going to get labeled ..yadda yadda. They did adjourn the case for two weeks, as my ex decided to hire a high priced Lawyer and they were not available for the case this week. In the mean time access has been restored and the judge really did not say much what so ever.

I've been scouring the net all night.. but does anyone have any documents they have successfully used in the past talking about benefits of shared parenting?

I am also curious about how much lucky people have had in asking evidence to been stricken from then record. This daycare lady is picking sides and IMO is no longer impartial. I was going to toss out a few reasons why I didn't think she was impartial, compare it to me getting an affidavit from the mailman saying I should have custody and suggest that courts order an in home assessment of each parent with/without the child and continue with the custody as status quo until completion. Good plan?

[Mess]

Is it possible you could post some of that letter from the daycare or explain it's contents?

A letter saying you were "aggressive" should simply be inadmissible because it is just opinion. For it to be admissible she would have to write about specific incidents, and really should write without making judgement.

For example "Mr Smith came to the daycare and began yelling when the child was not made available to him within 1 minute. Nomally it takes 5-10 minutes for a child to be ready to leave." This kind of statement would be admissible.

"Mr Smith is always aggressive with staff when he picks up the child." This shouldn't be admissible.

[LondonFather]

Is it possible you could post some of that letter from the daycare or explain it's contents?

A letter saying you were "aggressive" should simply be inadmissible because it is just opinion. For it to be admissible she would have to write about specific incidents, and really should write without making judgement.

For example "Mr Smith came to the daycare and began yelling when the child was not made available to him within 1 minute. Nomally it takes 5-10 minutes for a child to be ready to leave." This kind of statement would be admissible.

"Mr Smith is always aggressive with staff when he picks up the child." This shouldn't be admissible.

Hi Mess.. I am waiting to be served this letter, so I only know what I was told in court.

Essentially what happened is that daycare is saying my son has behavioral issues, says bad words on occasion, can be aggressive with other children. Now from my own experience I know that he has said the occasional bad word and he is properly disciplined.. but I have NEVER seen him do anything bad to other children. Other families that we visit and spent time couldn't believe she would say this either.

From my ex's mothers words (she acted as her lawyer) the letter also says i was intimidating asking about if my son was there, and what time he had been picked up. Apparently I was intimidating in-front of other children and parents...