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  • #61
    Nobody is on here to stone you-we're a bit far from the sandbox donchya think?The picture you are painting is confusing at best.You start by dragging down the ex over an order which has nothing to do with the current problem then you get angry at every single comment and question that would be asked of you in court.
    Everyone thinks that court cant be tooo bad until they start in it and then things get messy fast.Mess and Hammerdad have made some great points that you need to consider,as has Taken. Hadenough has been rather gentler but logical as usual.These guys n gal know their stuff.This is a rehearsal for what any decent lawyer will be doing to you before you ever hit court.If you keep up on this tack going into court ,you will be decimated.Have everything pared down to the minimum before you dream of going down this route.Gym membership is also a luxury item it should be noted.If however you were capable of not being angry and emotional,you could ,self represent-it only seems logical.After all if you are too poor to shop in Value Village then how can you afford lawyer bills?

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    • #62
      Originally posted by murphyslaw View Post
      Nobody is on here to stone you-we're a bit far from the sandbox donchya think?The picture you are painting is confusing at best.You start by dragging down the ex over an order which has nothing to do with the current problem then you get angry at every single comment and question that would be asked of you in court.
      Everyone thinks that court cant be tooo bad until they start in it and then things get messy fast.Mess and Hammerdad have made some great points that you need to consider,as has Taken. Hadenough has been rather gentler but logical as usual.These guys n gal know their stuff.This is a rehearsal for what any decent lawyer will be doing to you before you ever hit court.If you keep up on this tack going into court ,you will be decimated.Have everything pared down to the minimum before you dream of going down this route.Gym membership is also a luxury item it should be noted.If however you were capable of not being angry and emotional,you could ,self represent-it only seems logical.After all if you are too poor to shop in Value Village then how can you afford lawyer bills?

      I am new at this, and have said before I did not know the best way to ask the question. Responses (some of them) were very negative and off topic...

      Anyway, there has been some incredibly helpful points made, that are very constructive. Like we are actually getting to the point.

      I get the rehearsal, but i'm pretty sure a judge/lawyer is not going to call me a breeder, just saying.

      Yes, when you are paying about $700 (cs/travel/gym) every month on one child, and you still have 4 others to worry about, buying extra for that one is not in the budget, that is what the cs is for. I have to cloth/feed four other mouths, the order of appearance on when what child came does not matter. What matters is that there are 5 mouths to feed in total.

      It drives me nuts when parents receiving cs expect the paying parent to still buy clothes, haircuts, etc on top of cs.

      I agree the gym membership is something that should fall under normal cs. We have been advised by any lawyer (but the one we paid) that is is not something we would normally have to cover. Extraordinary is just that, expenses that go above and beyond the norm. This child does not posses any special talents that support a request like this. Although he is special to us.

      We would be self-representing, we have no choice financially.

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      • #63
        So one of the major cost issues (costs associated with him exercising his parenting time) was caused by his being transferred to a different post? Unfortunately, that is something that is likely going to be his to bear. The other parent should not be adversly affected due to your husbands change in residence. If she had moved, then yes, she should be responsible. But because he moved, that is his obligation.

        Would you be willing to revisit how much your ex pays you in c/s? It seems his hardship claim has trickled down into your household. It may be advisable that you go after full c/s from him prior to attempting to pay less to your husbands ex (it will be argued in court that your decisions have caused this, thus you will need to remedy that and still be in hardship to have a successful claim).

        I guess another possibility is, can you relocate to be closer to the child? What is the cost of housing like there?

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        • #64
          Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
          So one of the major cost issues (costs associated with him exercising his parenting time) was caused by his being transferred to a different post? Unfortunately, that is something that is likely going to be his to bear. The other parent should not be adversly affected due to your husbands change in residence. If she had moved, then yes, she should be responsible. But because he moved, that is his obligation.

          Would you be willing to revisit how much your ex pays you in c/s? It seems his hardship claim has trickled down into your household. It may be advisable that you go after full c/s from him prior to attempting to pay less to your husbands ex (it will be argued in court that your decisions have caused this, thus you will need to remedy that and still be in hardship to have a successful claim).

          I guess another possibility is, can you relocate to be closer to the child? What is the cost of housing like there?

          Hi, My ex's claim came before all of these issues, I know his situation has actually become worse for him.

          The posting wasn't a choice, and the Undue guidelines actually outline excessive travel expenses as a reason that you might be able to claim undue hardship. I think the important thing here is to support the child financially AND be able to visit with the child. At the end of the day, if he refused the posting, the could release him from his job, then were would he be financially? She wouldn't get much out of him then.

          We wish we could move, but at this point, do you we put our other children through another move? Also, with our jobs it isn't an option for another 6 years. Housing is pretty standard here, we are in the maritimes. Our mortgage is very reasonable, we could have rented, but it worked out having a smaller house for the same if not a higher cost. It just didn't make sense.

          This is really helping, so thank you.

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          • #65
            Oh Hammerdad,

            I will most certainly talk to my ex and see what he can do, if he can. I have my doubts.

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            • #66
              Once in awhile, I like to try and get the wilder threads to calm down Unless it's Slughead or Resourceful, lol

              To the OP: the most constructive thing you can do now is research and take into consideration all that's been said here, good bad or otherwise. You do have an uphill battle. Maybe there are a few options available to you including possible relocation. HD is right, the mom and S12 should not be penalized for your husband's relocation. (He didn't use those exact words).

              While you're taking a look at the big picture, try if you can to imagine being the ex. I know it's not that easy to do, but if we all practiced this little exercise once in awhile, it would be helpful in terms of our perception of things.

              For example: I often wondered how on earth ex's wife could just "believe" every ridiculous story and lie she's been told. And yes, I do think (based on some nutty emails I rec'd from her a cpl years back) that she's a complete whack job. But now I see that she believes him b/c she wants to. And b/c at this point, she's too far in w/him to do anything but stand by him. (For now).

              I've also "caught" myself hearing just ONE side of a story, and thought 'holy shit, that person is really nuts' (for example). That's when I realize that I am only being made privy to the tip of the iceberg. So it's not that I go around habitually doubting everything: but I am mindful of the reality that rarely do we know all the facts, firsthand.

              We don't walk in other peoples' shoes. As humans we are far more sensitive to how something affects us personally. Sometimes, being told off (in a sense) by random strangers is helpful.. There's been plenty of good scraps on this forum. There's a right way and a wrong way to approach litigation. To be in any way 'successful' we need to keep our emotion out of it. That's why lawyers are so necessary. They are not emotionally invested.

              Another way to look at it: Think of the BlackJack player and the Dealer. The dealer doesn't really care what cards get flipped. The player is feeling just the opposite b/c he/she *needs* to beat the dealer in order to 'win' - Likewise, Court can be a gamble too. What do YOU need to do to get the outcome you desire? And, is it possible?

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                Once in awhile, I like to try and get the wilder threads to calm down Unless it's Slughead or Resourceful, lol

                To the OP: the most constructive thing you can do now is research and take into consideration all that's been said here, good bad or otherwise. You do have an uphill battle. Maybe there are a few options available to you including possible relocation. HD is right, the mom and S12 should not be penalized for your husband's relocation. (He didn't use those exact words).

                While you're taking a look at the big picture, try if you can to imagine being the ex. I know it's not that easy to do, but if we all practiced this little exercise once in awhile, it would be helpful in terms of our perception of things.

                For example: I often wondered how on earth ex's wife could just "believe" every ridiculous story and lie she's been told. And yes, I do think (based on some nutty emails I rec'd from her a cpl years back) that she's a complete whack job. But now I see that she believes him b/c she wants to. And b/c at this point, she's too far in w/him to do anything but stand by him. (For now).

                I've also "caught" myself hearing just ONE side of a story, and thought 'holy shit, that person is really nuts' (for example). That's when I realize that I am only being made privy to the tip of the iceberg. So it's not that I go around habitually doubting everything: but I am mindful of the reality that rarely do we know all the facts, firsthand.

                We don't walk in other peoples' shoes. As humans we are far more sensitive to how something affects us personally. Sometimes, being told off (in a sense) by random strangers is helpful.. There's been plenty of good scraps on this forum. There's a right way and a wrong way to approach litigation. To be in any way 'successful' we need to keep our emotion out of it. That's why lawyers are so necessary. They are not emotionally invested.

                Another way to look at it: Think of the BlackJack player and the Dealer. The dealer doesn't really care what cards get flipped. The player is feeling just the opposite b/c he/she *needs* to beat the dealer in order to 'win' - Likewise, Court can be a gamble too. What do YOU need to do to get the outcome you desire? And, is it possible?

                I absolutely love the player/dealer analogy! It is very true.

                And, most definitely, you don't know me and she is not here to stand up for herself. So everything I tell you, you have to decide if I am full of it!

                Holding emotion in a court room I am not worried about, but in a forum where I expected something so different. I didn't expect others to tell me what I wanted to hear, but I didn't expect to be called a breeder. There was really no reason to berate me for asking a question. That was horrible, and brought out the worst in me! lol

                I have done a lot of research, canlaw, etc, I have more to do. I thought it would be interesting to hear others experience and get some feedback/advice. I did learn from this.

                I do find it hard on here because if you miss one bit of info, you get "attacked", if I miss something it is only because there is so much to relay, and it is not of purpose. It would be nice if the responses were short of emotion as well. I found people were doing a lot of assuming and accusing, and that does put you on the defense.

                Thank you for your help.

                Oh, the relocation is not an option at this time, we wish.

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                • #68
                  And hadenough, boy oh boy was this thread "heated". I don't blame you for waiting it out, it got completely off track. Thank you for helping get it back on track and for your honest advice.

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                  • #69
                    LOL Slughead - I'm still waiting for you with your pension and Jamaican getaway!

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                    • #70
                      Originally posted by slughead10 View Post
                      i think your angry because you cant find anyone to breed with you.......

                      Cute, but makes zero sense!
                      Parental consent should be required before joining this forum...

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                      • #71
                        unevenplayingground - I'm pretty certain that slughead's remark was intended for me !!!!!! LOL LOL It's his sort of foreplay. Hey maybe he's interested in you?

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                        • #72
                          ^ omgitsalive. Don't listen to a word he says. Lol. Don't even respond. He's just the rodeo clown hahahaha.

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                          • #73
                            Originally posted by arabian View Post
                            unevenplayingground - I'm pretty certain that slughead's remark was intended for me !!!!!! LOL LOL It's his sort of foreplay. Hey maybe he's interested in you?
                            God help me! You people have me ready to fight at any cost!

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                            • #74
                              Hello my fellow sister-bitches. Yes The site should require parental consent. Have a great weekend all. Even you: SLUG
                              Last edited by hadenough; 09-28-2012, 01:20 PM.

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                              • #75
                                Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                                ^ omgitsalive. Don't listen to a word he says. Lol. Don't even respond. He's just the rodeo clown hahahaha.

                                I sort of questioned it, after I hit send of course!!! lol

                                Comment

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