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  • #46
    Originally posted by Tim Cash View Post
    no there is no courts involved as of yet , Now I have a question...the FACS case I mentioned ...while I was crying about how crappy my life has been ....Does it have any bearing ?
    Im not sure about this if you dismissed it. Did you try calling them and ask them about it? Otherwise, the only other thing I think in your case would be to find a lawyer to just go over things pertaining to your rights. Just state to them that you are just wanting to know your rights right now.

    Obtaining a lawyer and doing this whole process is very draining. So, for the time being I wouldn't start anything but the more you know about your rights and they can offer you advice the more you protect yourself and your children. Make sure they are a good one and set down the rules and don't let them convince you of anything you are unsure of.

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    • #47
      Might cost a few hundred dollars but down the road could save you more. Set up just a consultation, don't sign or feel obligated to use them or have them pressure you into something you are unsure of.

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      • #48
        Tim, the FACS situation means little or nothing unless you want to engage in a long, expensive, ugly and stressful fight over custody.

        If you want full custody and she is fighting you, then it absolutely means something.

        If you want shared custody, then trying to show she is a difficient or dangerous parent means exactly what? That you are agreeing for your child to spend half their days with a difficient and dangerous parent?

        However meanwhile, she may end up trying to keep custody from you and you should document these type of things, even if it is just making your own notes or journal so you don't forget details or forget to mention things to your lawyer.

        You don't know what appoach you are going to take, you don't know what goal you are seeking, it is impossible to say if it will make a difference right now.

        What situation do you want in place for the next 15-20 years and why? This is the question you have to address. What is the best interests of the children? This is the question the courts have to address.

        I will also say, in the future, do not under any circumstances lie to the police or the children's services, or cover up for her. Be open and honest.

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        • #49
          Well now this is all good stuff thanks , I took your advise and went with " beat her with kindness" I will share with you the msg I sent.

          I cant believe im doing this again but what the hell, I have spoken to Rodi and I have decided to leave , so Im giving you notice and I hope your ok with it, and I mean that. I have realized how childish we have been and the kids deserve better they are great kids and I love them and I know you do so ...thats all that matters so if you getting this house makes it all better then by all means please take it , I dont want anything other then whatr i need to furnish my apt. But in return I want shared custody if you want to break it down by the hr we can do that as well, also if it makes it easier then I will move closer to you (but not that close) so the kids wont have to be moved around ie. day care and schools .

          All I want is to be a good father , you know I am , and the kids know it too. So lets stop the fighting it is serving nobody any service , You know I will always care about you , heck even now I want to say love you but lol your likely just going to insult me as soon as your done reading this. I know your a good person stuck in a funk when it comes to me . I do not want to be at war with the mother of my children , I don't want to have to explain that to them...I took some time to read ...well a yrs worth of text and we sound like complete morons and would be embarrassed to have anyone read the words we say to each other. I also found you were right when it came to money issues the 2nd would have been a big mistake but more so because we will never be together . and you were wrong about me not going to be able to handle this house ...no its not easy but im doing it , with a MAN not the mother of my kids and that was never supposed to be how this was to go down.

          I am sorry it didn't work out I really am, I have waited 3 yrs for some indication we had any hope at all...I think its safe to say there is not. I do however want to remain friends. I also would like you to remember I don't HAVE to be a father to maddie , I WANT TO . I LOVE HER. and if that's a looser deadbeat lazy cocksucker good for nothing debt collector who does nothing at all but smoke and drink and play video games then so be it. But remember you slept with that's same deadbeat and laughed with me and cried ...but mostly yelled at . Now that being said we have to talk about your new responsibility and I already know what you will say but you have to be fair ...I'm giving up all i have put in , so you need to talk to whoever you need to and pay the morg for 3-4 months as i see it ...works out well for you ..you give your notice where you live now and just gear up for the move.

          Please let me know if any of this makes any seance to you...and remember I don't want to take Callum from you I just want the same rights as you ...as any parent would. I really really really hope and prey this is good enough as I don't know what more I can do. So please .....PLEASE don't come at me with another nasty insult filled e-mail, I know I feed your anger and you feed mine , so im trying to stop the madness ok , WE LOVE OUR KIDS there is nothing wrong with that. I would never put them in danger you know that , so please stop painting me as a monster.

          Sincerely

          TIM

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          • #50
            and just like that...there was peace. Thanks again everyone for calming me down , She called shortly after reading that e-mail and we actually got along , of course it was 4 am and I did not sleep till 6 am but the peace far outweighs the lack of sleep. It's now 2 people working towards a common goal .."loving our kids", yes it costs me the house but ...what do I need a 3600 sq foot home for?

            Thanks again guys/girls

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            • #51
              Now for another question...Is shared custody a common thing now a days I have heard it is? Will I run into resistance from the courts or is this something her and I can agree to without going to court. I will have a very difficult time paying a lawyer ....dont much like them. Not all but lets face it there is many who just want your money and dont care what the outcome is.

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              • #52
                You're fooling yourself.

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                • #53
                  What do you mean????

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                  • #54
                    Your in wild mood swings and appear to have taken none of the good advice you have received truly to heart.

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                    • #55
                      I think I get what you setting down here ....are we talking about the house?

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                      • #56
                        she feels this house is her's , and I will not see peace until it is. If you think I am loosing a bargaining chip...then Im listening...

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                        • #57
                          Im not sure why you decided to write that letter??? You needed to pull yourself out of the situation and give a break, gather your thoughts and feelings. I think you are still holding on to this abusive relationship in hopes that it will work out. You seem still so sincere towards her and this abuse will continue because you are allowing it.
                          You really need to watch what you promise her as well. Keep it simple and don't go into that much detail. You should have just said we need to figure things out and we should think about what we really want and go from there.
                          I really don't think you were reading anything of importance lastnight.
                          No one wants to go to court, no one wants to waste their money on a lawyer but you never know--- what if she gets one?

                          You need to do your research, collect information first. Don't make any promises right now unless you promise to be there for the kids.
                          Seriously, pull yourself out of this for awhile. Ask questions, read posts, etc.

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                          • #58
                            Tim, I'll post it again, read Surviving your Divorce, it is a very plain english guide to the whole process by a senior divorce lawyer in Ontario, every chapter applies to you. It is as good as a two hour consultation with a divorce lawyer and only costs about 4% of the price.

                            You need to know what the issues are, what your rights are, what the process is.

                            You can settle between you, or you can go to mediation, but you need to know what your rights are. We can tell you a lot but we can't cover everything. Read, and then decide if you want to go the lawyer route or not.

                            Don't make any offers or promises or deals until you know what you are doing. You are like someone who doesn't know a thing about mechanics trying to take a car apart and then rebuild it into two working machines. Don't try it by yourself, read the manual.

                            In the meantime, if you do nothing else make sure you have your child stay with you at least 50% of the time. If your ex starts out with full custody, she will keep full custody and there won't be a thing you can do about it if the status quo has been that your child has been with your ex 100% of the time for months.

                            Anything else can wait until you become informed. But keep your child living with you.

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                            • #59
                              Thank you very much Mess I will do that. But what if she says no?

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                              • #60
                                better yet what would they consider 50% we both work and the kids are in day care ...so does the day care time count as time with her ?

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