Case Conference and motions after

[SynGreis]

So currently in my case conference the outstanding issues are as follows.

Custody
Access
Support
Birth Certificate(my name to go on there)

a temporary order is in place having her given sole custody, access for me(to be revised prior to her going back to work(mid jan) or end of january, whichever is first. No support but she is making a claim.

And declaration of parentage.

The events is as follows.

order was made september 21st.
Mid October i gave the mother forms to amend the birth record, she didnt sign it.
contempt hearing end of november for parents not scheduling visits. contempt failed but judge strongly recommended parents to make more reasonable efforts.

What i suspect will happen at case conference.

The mother will not have a defence as to why she did not sign an amendment, i will mention that the records must reflect the true status of the child for terms of father. I will have a clean copy of amendment forms on me so she can sign right at the conference.

Support will not be issued as in my financial statement will not meet the minimum requirements.

for access and custody i will believe will change drastically since there is a material change. the mother will be at work and will no longer be the primary care giver. She intends to put him in day care. I will have a 2 bedroom house secured by end of january and reserve one for my child. It is close to all the basic things such as grocery, day care(if needed) and other similar things.

I will make mention that there is more parenting classes in jan-april but only for fathers that has custody of their child for that time.

I will request that custody and access be changed to 50/50 for everything. I will care for the child while she is at work and my place is very close to her work, 5 minute walk.

I put in affidavits to show that i completed 2 parenting classes with its certificates. I have obtained a psychology assessment to reflect that i do not have anger management issues and do not pose a threat or danger to the child. I will make a case for that since the mother claimed those things that i disproved it by way of affidavit and exhibits from the doctor, and that there is no longer any issue with myself and the child and that my parenting ability is not in question.

I have supporting affidavits to show my intent to care for the child as best as possible prior to the birth and during from several people(7 people to be precise).

The mother resides in cottam, me in windsor. 35-40min drive.

I will propose a parenting plan for the year which includes the schedule, the right for access to information regarding medical, education, diet/nutrition, and the basic welfare of the child weekly.

That i will h ave custody of the child for the day monday through friday on her working schedule. She will drop the child off prior to work and i will drop the child off at end of her work. She can simply request to spend time on her lunch break if she is able. She will have custody of the child for the entire weekend so from friday night to monday morning.

Holidays will not be exempt. So on labour day she will still need to meet me and drop the child off for the day.

Holidays for the childs 2 year of life will be spent with the father as it was spent by the mother in the first year.

This is excluding mothers day. Christmas will be set aside for the mother to spend the entire day on eve or boxing day. The christmas holidays will be with the father.

For the diet, 15 recipes will be in the parenting plan and will be randomized. A progressive diet to solid foods will be included.

Regular check ups by my personal naturalpathic doctor(yes registered) every month or subjected to the opinion of the doctor.

The mother will be appraised on the weekly events if she requests on the progress of the child.

Now did i miss something, yes im almost done my parenting plan for long term and temporary(for the year of 2013).

[firhill]

You can ask for anything you want, but it's a case conference, so nothing will be ordered.
The Judge will throw out some suggestions on how you both might resolve the issues and set a date for SC but that's about the extent of it.

Just make sure you serve an Offer to Settle and include that in your brief.

[SynGreis]

i apologize firhill but i failed to make a clarification.

but what i meant or my intent rather was that if i would not be able to reach an agreement for those categories then i would make a motion ordering those right after the conference. I'm sorry i should have clarified.

[Mess]

So currently in my case conference the outstanding issues are as follows.

Custody
Access
Support
Birth Certificate(my name to go on there)

a temporary order is in place having her given sole custody, access for me(to be revised prior to her going back to work(mid jan) or end of january, whichever is first. No support but she is making a claim.

And declaration of parentage.

The events is as follows.

order was made september 21st.
Mid October i gave the mother forms to amend the birth record, she didnt sign it.
contempt hearing end of november for parents not scheduling visits. contempt failed but judge strongly recommended parents to make more reasonable efforts.

This makes sense, contempt is a serious finding. The judge made the right call, the mother should have complied, and should comply. Continue to follow up on this.

What i suspect will happen at case conference.

The mother will not have a defence as to why she did not sign an amendment, i will mention that the records must reflect the true status of the child for terms of father. I will have a clean copy of amendment forms on me so she can sign right at the conference.

Good work.

Support will not be issued as in my financial statement will not meet the minimum requirements.

Be careful with this. You will be expected to be seeking a reasonable level of employment to support your child, and may be be imputed full-time minimum wage. At a case conference a judge will not be able to make an order on this without consent, but you will be pressured on it, I am pretty sure. I am not judging you here, I am warning you about what you may come up against.

for access and custody i will believe will change drastically since there is a material change. the mother will be at work and will no longer be the primary care giver. She intends to put him in day care. I will have a 2 bedroom house secured by end of january and reserve one for my child. It is close to all the basic things such as grocery, day care(if needed) and other similar things.

Good work. You have the issues here accurately detailed.

I will make mention that there is more parenting classes in jan-april but only for fathers that has custody of their child for that time.

Very good.

I will request that custody and access be changed to 50/50 for everything. I will care for the child while she is at work and my place is very close to her work, 5 minute walk.

This is a good approach, but don't have your hopes too high. You are presenting this well, but obviously she will fight you. The judge will ask you how you will work (assuming you are doing some form of contract work) while you are caring for the child. Having an on-call arrangement with a local daycare will be a good answer.

I put in affidavits to show that i completed 2 parenting classes with its certificates. I have obtained a psychology assessment to reflect that i do not have anger management issues and do not pose a threat or danger to the child. I will make a case for that since the mother claimed those things that i disproved it by way of affidavit and exhibits from the doctor, and that there is no longer any issue with myself and the child and that my parenting ability is not in question.

Good, good, good.

I have supporting affidavits to show my intent to care for the child as best as possible prior to the birth and during from several people(7 people to be precise).

Good, but be aware that the judge can only make orders on consent. The judge will not be able to force any level of custody.

The mother resides in cottam, me in windsor. 35-40min drive.

I believe I recall that you do not drive or do not have a vehicle? This will become an issue. It will help if you can state that you have a plan going forward to deal with this.

I will propose a parenting plan for the year which includes the schedule, the right for access to information regarding medical, education, diet/nutrition, and the basic welfare of the child weekly.

Good, good, good.

That i will h ave custody of the child for the day monday through friday on her working schedule. She will drop the child off prior to work and i will drop the child off at end of her work. She can simply request to spend time on her lunch break if she is able. She will have custody of the child for the entire weekend so from friday night to monday morning.

Here is the thing, the judge cannot order this, it has to be on consent. Secondly, she can argue that the daycare will allow the child to socialize with other children, etc. etc. blah blah blah, and that your offer for childcare cannot be seen to be a permanent solution, since you should be seeking full time employment as well. You will get hit with arguements like this, and I'm not certain she will be wrong. You should certainly suggest that you are capable of caring for the child NOW, and that when you find permanent employment the child could certainly go into daycare, but there is no reason NOW why the child should not have the opportunity to be cared for by their parent (you.)

Holidays will not be exempt. So on labour day she will still need to meet me and drop the child off for the day.

Look, not judging, but you two do not seem to have a great relationship. Pushing for situations where you have to meet will not bode well. Exchanges should simply be as necessary, and if there is opportunity to do it without contact or minimizing contact that will be for the better.

Holidays for the childs 2 year of life will be spent with the father as it was spent by the mother in the first year.

I would seriously change this, it sounds like hostility and revenge. It is fair to state that you didn't get access on holidays in the past, but going foward should be an equitable situation that is fair for the child on an ongoing basis, not a compensation for the past. I would suggest that you seek a situation of alternating holidays and long weekends throughout the year going forward. This won't be for the next year, it will be a permanent solution. It won't have to be readdressed in the future. Trust me, I have been there. 1 year or 2 year deals are crap; you are just postponing conflict, not resolving it. Seek a permanent, stable solution.

This is excluding mothers day. Christmas will be set aside for the mother to spend the entire day on eve or boxing day. The christmas holidays will be with the father.

I would suggest that Mother's day and mother's birthday with mother; Father's day and father's birthday with father; child's birthday can alternate or the child can celebrate 2 birthdays, one with each parent; in general holidays should follow the normal schedule of access; Christmas should split with the child having Christmas eve and morning with one parent and then Christmas day and Boxing day with the other, alternating each year. I say this because it is equatable, and also because I have been living this for years.

For the diet, 15 recipes will be in the parenting plan and will be randomized. A progressive diet to solid foods will be included.

I think you are making a big mistake here, it comes across as controlling. I would only bring this up if the mother has already complained about diet and this is a response. Limiting to 15 recipes is going to be seen as absurd by the judge. If the mother has made complaints already, then include a dietary plan for use when the child is with you. Do not seek to impose a dietary plan on the child when with the mother, that will be seen as controlling and will work against you.

Regular check ups by my personal naturalpathic doctor(yes registered) every month or subjected to the opinion of the doctor.

Look, I don't want to argue about naturopathy, but a judge will not want to either, especially at a case conference. Keep it simple. Get a blanket clause that allows you both to make medical appointments. Then you can take the child to your naturopath as you choose, without getting into a court argument about it.

The mother will be appraised on the weekly events if she requests on the progress of the child.

I would word this as both parents will appraise each other on weekly events as necessary. Stay away from language that states "The mother shall do this" or "The father shall do that." Keep your language neutral, you shall both do such and such.

Now did i miss something, yes im almost done my parenting plan for long term and temporary(for the year of 2013).

Keep it neutral, you are both equal and both have the same role. "Rules" apply to you both, word things in a neutral fashion. Always keep in mind that you may get some awesome corporate job some day, and she might end up in your shoes, even if that seems unlikely. You have to word things that way.

[firhill]

.... then i would make a motion ordering those right after the conference.

Absolutely you can.


Again, don't forget to submit a (without prejudice) Offer to Settle before CC.
I would submit two, one that expires 15 minutes before CC is heard and one that expires 15 minutes before Trial.

[SynGreis]

look below.

[SynGreis]

Be careful with this. You will be expected to be seeking a reasonable level of employment to support your child, and may be be imputed full-time minimum wage. At a case conference a judge will not be able to make an

order on this without consent, but you will be pressured on it, I am pretty sure. I am not judging you here, I am warning you about what you may come up against.

Thanks for the warning and yes I know. I have been seeking employment and i do keep records for it. I plan to bring this(unofficially) incase they inquire about my efforts. Its just me listing places with what i have done, lets say call,

interview like the status of that job place.

This is a good approach, but don't have your hopes too high. You are presenting this well, but obviously she will fight you. The judge will ask you how you will work (assuming you are doing some form of contract work)

while you are caring for the child. Having an on-call arrangement with a local daycare will be a good answer.

Yes, the joys of my contract job is i am able to work freely right from home. If people need repairs i normally request they bring it by and drop it off at my place. If not i have several friends who can bring it for me since they are well aware i have my son with the intention of having him at my place. They are prepared to help me.

Good, but be aware that the judge can only make orders on consent. The judge will not be able to force any level of custody.

I am aware, the bulk of this post would be if i dont obtain it then i will put the same with slight variations into motions to have it heard after case conference.

I believe I recall that you do not drive or do not have a vehicle? This will become an issue. It will help if you can state that you have a plan going forward to deal with this.

At the moment i do not have a solid plan for this. Currelty i would propse that when she drives into work, she then can drop off the child. We can hadle a simple hi and then part ways.

Here is the thing, the judge cannot order this, it has to be on consent. Secondly, she can argue that the daycare will allow the child to socialize with other children, etc. etc. blah blah blah, and that your offer for

childcare cannot be seen to be a permanent solution, since you should be seeking full time employment as well. You will get hit with arguements like this, and I'm not certain she will be wrong. You should certainly suggest that you are

capable of caring for the child NOW, and that when you find permanent employment the child could certainly go into daycare, but there is no reason NOW why the child should not have the opportunity to be cared for by their parent (you.)

Again i am aware that consent orders can be made in case conference and some types of procedural orders. Also my job allows me to be a full time dad AND work on my contracts. IT has slowly picked up and its being a good flow. It also

doesnt require alot of time which is a bonus.

Look, not judging, but you two do not seem to have a great relationship. Pushing for situations where you have to meet will not bode well. Exchanges should simply be as necessary, and if there is opportunity to do it without contact or minimizing contact that will be for the better.

Again, basic exchange nothing more. If there is something the other parent should know then its common sense that they should be notified.(fights, medical, etc...)

I would seriously change this, it sounds like hostility and revenge. It is fair to state that you didn't get access on holidays in the past, but going foward should be an equitable situation that is fair for the child on an ongoing basis, not a compensation for the past. I would suggest that you seek a situation of alternating holidays and long weekends throughout the year going forward. This won't be for the next year, it will be a permanent solution. It won't have to be readdressed in the future. Trust me, I have been there. 1 year or 2 year deals are crap; you are just postponing conflict, not resolving it. Seek a permanent, stable solution.

I am proposing or working on 2 different parenting plans. 1 for being proposed for offer to settle and another i am seeking to be used for an order. I only care about the major holidays, mainly christmas. easter, labour day and other minor ones i dont even care about. Its the ones that family is gathered. Oh i forgot thanksgiving is a big one too.(love my gramma's pineapple ham....god.....it defies logic...). Although i would like to have my permanent parenting plan accepted in my offer to settle, i am proposing a very similar one to tie us over until trial or atleast until jan 2014.

I would suggest that Mother's day and mother's birthday with mother; Father's day and father's birthday with father; child's birthday can alternate or the child can celebrate 2 birthdays, one with each parent; in general holidays should follow the normal schedule of access; Christmas should split with the child having Christmas eve and morning with one parent and then Christmas day and Boxing day with the other, alternating each year. I say this because it is equatable, and also because I have been living this for years.

Yes this is what i meant, thanks.

I think you are making a big mistake here, it comes across as controlling. I would only bring this up if the mother has already complained about diet and this is a response. Limiting to 15 recipes is going to be seen as absurd by the judge. If the mother has made complaints already, then include a dietary plan for use when the child is with you. Do not seek to impose a dietary plan on the child when with the mother, that will be seen as controlling and will work against you.

This would only apply to when i have custody. She can feed whatever she wants when the child is with her. But ill be sure to make sure that is clarified.

Look, I don't want to argue about naturopathy, but a judge will not want to either, especially at a case conference. Keep it simple. Get a blanket clause that allows you both to make medical appointments. Then you can take the child to your naturopath as you choose, without getting into a court argument about it.

Good call.

I would word this as both parents will appraise each other on weekly events as necessary. Stay away from language that states "The mother shall do this" or "The father shall do that." Keep your language neutral, you shall both do such and such.

Good call.

[SynGreis]

firhill that is exactly what im doing.

[Tayken]

Mess covered it all really...

Some advice on conduct in a Case Conference.

It took me longer than most judges give to hearing a case conference to read your post. So you need to narrow your arguments potentially and work out an order of importance as you may not get to address them all at conference.

Most conferences are 30 minutes to 60 minutes in length at most unless you are really close on settlement then a judge often will spend the whole day. This often happens in purge court / trial management conferences though as judges don't like sending family law matters to trial so they will invest the time to resolve issues rather than create more problems... If you have never seen the setup and paperwork for a trial... They are no walk in the park.

If you divide the time as such:

1/3 of the time the judge will be talking.
1/3 of the time the other party will be talking.
1/3 of the time you will be talking.

Any way you slice it... (30 mins or 60 mins) it doesn't leave you much time. (Hence the recommendation to narrow your discussion.)

A good exercise may be to re-read your original post and Mess' responses and then set a list up of the top 10 things you think need to be addressed. For each of the points try to keep the point to one sentence in length.

For example:

1. Joint custody and equal access (50-50) of the child on a 2-2-3-3 access schedule.

Post back your top 10 and then we can help sort the relevance to the request and possibly help you shape the discussion and help focus the points to some solutions.

A lot of people (and lawyers) treat conferences like arguing a motion and/or trial. It isn't the best strategy as it is a mediated solution. Another thing to consider for each of the 10 points... What is the best scenario and then think of for each of the top 10 what compromises you would be willing to make in order to settle matters rather than carry forward to a motion and/or trial to resolve.

Settlement is about calculated compromises. Often I find people who go into conferences without understanding the compromises they are willing to make to settle a matter end up with a preemptive motion on both parties at a long motion hearing 7 days later and in a real nightmare.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[SynGreis]

Well, i thought it was simple enough.

1. Custody
- Joint, will not comprimise anything less it is also not the best interest for mother to have sole custody.
- Whoever has custody at that time will make all decisions day to day.
- Will inform other parent of any and all neccessary changes or notifications relating to welfare of child.
2. Access
- 50/50, nothing less.
3. No Support
- custodial parent will have their own costs with exception of s.7(?).
4. Big holidays includes Thanksgiving, Christmas be spent with father(1,3,5,7,9) for odd age and mother for even age(0,2,4,6,8)
5. My name on the birth registry. No idea why she is still refusing to do this. She just needs to sign off, ill pay for it.

Tayken you talk about compromise. Currently, the mother compromised to nothing yet. I compromised nearly everything in good faith.

It fucking pisses me off.

[Mess]

Tayken's advice is excellent. When he says you will get about 1/3 of 30 minutes, keep in mind that will be broken up. You will get a few minutes to make your point, then another chance later to answer to your ex's comments, etc. You won't get a solid 10 minutes to talk non-stop.

When I prepare presentations I write notes, and then practice speaking. I use my cell phone to time myself, and it also looks less weird when I am walking around the block practicing my speech if I am using my cell. So have some notes, read them out loud a few times and get a sense of how long you are taking to make your points. If you can keep it to three minutes to make a presentation, that will be great.

You are technically correct to use the word "custody" but I would refer to "decision making" so that the intent is completely clear; many people confuse custody and access, so just speak what you mean. "There is no reason why decision making on issues like health and education should not be equal. (Child) will be better off knowing both of us are involved. I have been kept out of this up until now and this does not allow the child to have two involved, informed parents." Wording it like this puts the onus on the ex to provide reasons, which will make her come across as negative and selfish.

With access, the same thing. State that there is no reason the child shouldn't be able to benefit from equal time with both parents. Positive, upbeat wording.

No support will be a hard sell to a judge. With 50/50 the setoff formula would pay to you, since she will earn more when she starts working. I would suggest you don't bring it up. Focus entirely on the shared custody (50/50) and let the judge take it from there. Your ex might make some comment about you wanting 50/50 just for the financial reasons, at this point you can respond that you weren't asking for support and this makes her look cheap.

[SynGreis]

Tayken's advice is excellent. When he says you will get about 1/3 of 30 minutes, keep in mind that will be broken up. You will get a few minutes to make your point, then another chance later to answer to your ex's comments, etc. You won't get a solid 10 minutes to talk non-stop.

Figured that.

When I prepare presentations I write notes, and then practice speaking. I use my cell phone to time myself, and it also looks less weird when I am walking around the block practicing my speech if I am using my cell. So have some notes, read them out loud a few times and get a sense of how long you are taking to make your points. If you can keep it to three minutes to make a presentation, that will be great.

lol. I do that, i rehearse for days. I concentrate in getting the point across. Let them ask for details if its not critical.

You are technically correct to use the word "custody" but I would refer to "decision making" so that the intent is completely clear; many people confuse custody and access, so just speak what you mean. "There is no reason why decision making on issues like health and education should not be equal. (Child) will be better off knowing both of us are involved. I have been kept out of this up until now and this does not allow the child to have two involved, informed parents." Wording it like this puts the onus on the ex to provide reasons, which will make her come across as negative and selfish.

Yes, my intention was to be involved with everything from the beginning, but she shunned me out. She did not allow me to go to prenatal classes, no ultrasound, no appointment to determine sex, i have never attended to any of her appointments of the doctor for her pregnancy or for the child for that matter. I have requested several times. She said no every time. I am also saddened that she did not allow me to witness the birth of my first born or at least inform me that she was in labor.

With access, the same thing. State that there is no reason the child shouldn't be able to benefit from equal time with both parents. Positive, upbeat wording.

Bingo. My thoughts exactly.

No support will be a hard sell to a judge. With 50/50 the setoff formula would pay to you, since she will earn more when she starts working. I would suggest you don't bring it up. Focus entirely on the shared custody (50/50) and let the judge take it from there. Your ex might make some comment about you wanting 50/50 just for the financial reasons, at this point you can respond that you weren't asking for support and this makes her look cheap.

I was never asking for support in my original application i was only asking for to see my child 50/50 and joint custody. In her answer she disagreed and stated that i am completely incapable to parent my child. I still am not asking for support, hell I'm not even asking for costs. Those costs can go towards the child. Her lawyer is costing her enough (15k and we did not even go to case conference yet....lol?)

[firhill]

Yes, my intention was to be involved with everything from the beginning, but she shunned me out. She did not allow me to go to prenatal classes, no ultrasound, no appointment to determine sex, i have never attended to any of her appointments of the doctor for her pregnancy or for the child for that matter. I have requested several times. She said no every time. I am also saddened that she did not allow me to witness the birth of my first born or at least inform me that she was in labor.

I was denied all of the above also.

Do you know who the child's doctor is?
Have a copy of Health Card?

If not, let the Judge know as he/she likely won't be impressed by the withholding of that info (especially if you requested it from mom)

[SynGreis]

i have absolutely NO INFORMATION whatsoever.

no id
no bc
no medical info

taking it further when i mentioned i wanted to be an active parent to stay at home and spend time with my son while she was gone and that i wanted that stuff she kicked me out the first time and stopped me from seeing my son for almost 2 months end of march to 4th week of may. the second time was start of august til september 28th and only because there was a court order.

[Tayken]

Tayken's advice is excellent. When he says you will get about 1/3 of 30 minutes, keep in mind that will be broken up. You will get a few minutes to make your point, then another chance later to answer to your ex's comments, etc. You won't get a solid 10 minutes to talk non-stop.

When I prepare presentations I write notes, and then practice speaking. I use my cell phone to time myself, and it also looks less weird when I am walking around the block practicing my speech if I am using my cell. So have some notes, read them out loud a few times and get a sense of how long you are taking to make your points. If you can keep it to three minutes to make a presentation, that will be great.

You are technically correct to use the word "custody" but I would refer to "decision making" so that the intent is completely clear; many people confuse custody and access, so just speak what you mean. "There is no reason why decision making on issues like health and education should not be equal. (Child) will be better off knowing both of us are involved. I have been kept out of this up until now and this does not allow the child to have two involved, informed parents." Wording it like this puts the onus on the ex to provide reasons, which will make her come across as negative and selfish.

With access, the same thing. State that there is no reason the child shouldn't be able to benefit from equal time with both parents. Positive, upbeat wording.

No support will be a hard sell to a judge. With 50/50 the setoff formula would pay to you, since she will earn more when she starts working. I would suggest you don't bring it up. Focus entirely on the shared custody (50/50) and let the judge take it from there. Your ex might make some comment about you wanting 50/50 just for the financial reasons, at this point you can respond that you weren't asking for support and this makes her look cheap.

To add to Mess' comments the two major issues you could address in the limited time frames are "custody" and "access" (your #1 and #2)

My recommendation would be to try and deal with "access" first and it is the major element of involvement (time with the child) that really matters to the court.

In you list you have some elements of access (e.g. holidays) which often complicate matters at a conference.

My recommendation would be to recommend a 2-2-3-3 custody and access agreement that is not prejudiced on any party on a temporary order. That holidays and other events are to be shared with the parent for which the access time falls with. Recommend this to reduce the conflict and to be able to establish some stability for the child in question on their regular schedule and for wording to address the holidays and other matters at a latter date. You can even recommend a SC to deal with these details at a later date.

A regular access schedule needs to be put in place that can be enforced by the courts to insure that no single parent establishes a false status quo.

With regards to custody... The focus should be that both parents are educated and have the best intentions of the child in question and there shouldn't be any presumption that either parent is "better" to make custodial decisions. That you are willing to work with the other parent on these decisions. In fact, custodial decisions (major decisions) rarely come up and if need be you can go to a mediated solution or arbitration to resolve any custodial issues (medical treatment, school, etc...) if necessary and that the court should not be relied upon for these minor incidents of custody determination.

Good Luck!
Tayken