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  #1  
Old 02-08-2018, 08:45 AM
youngdad91 youngdad91 is offline
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Default how late is late?

there is the odd time that I will run late (2-5 minutes .. 7 minutes at most.) Generally caus3d by traffic and/or construction. I inform the other parent whenever possible but not always possible.

There are rare times I am out of town and stuck in traffic, car broke down, flight delayed, appointment runs long etc when I would be more than 10 minutes late and let the other parent know.

The other parent still me messages me that I'm "always" late and that I should be like her and "never" late. surely she has been late up to 15 minutes and more without informing me. and generally makes me wait 5.10 minutes (sometimes 30 minutes) before releasing the child.

recently I took child to school event (that she was aware of) that ended when my access time ended. She does not want to do exchanges at school. I left the event a little before it ended but was still running 5 minutes late based on my watch due to bad weather and 7 minutes late based on cellular time. Got a message from her as soon as I arrived. Is this something that could impact my case? I believe she's trying to allege I didn't let her know I would be late.. though she knew I was going to the program and was aware what time the program ended.

my bigger question.. how late is late ?
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:24 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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to me once and a while being under 10 minutes late should not be a big deal. On the flip side if you are habitually late (more then 50% of the time) then I can see why there would be some frustration.

If you know that it will be bad weather out then leave a little earlier, same if you know there will be delays to to construction.
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Old 02-08-2018, 01:44 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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I don’t know to me this is such a silly thing... I can’t believe people actually argue about this stuff. If we are to meet to pick up the kids at 7pm and happen to arrive at 7:15 oh well and vice versa... some times there mom is 5-15 late... sorry you’re dealing with an unreasonable ex but you clearly know she’s unreasonable and expects you to be on time so leave 15 min earlier to avoid being late... to me late is late... if you were constantly 5-15 min late for work what would happen? You would be considered late and surely your boss wouldn’t accept the excuses. Just be on time, be 10 min early, avoid this unnecessary battle


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Old 02-08-2018, 04:18 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I have no children and am fastidious about being on time to the point where I am 10-30 mins early. When I am with my siblings who have children under the age of 5 I go crazy because we are always late. When its you it takes a few minutes to get out the door and you can anticipate and respond to traffic. With kids you have a ticking tome bomb of wtf moments that delay you. Someone has to pee, you forgot a doll, they needed to say goodbye, they want a drink, you didnt kiss them, their coat is hurting, you drove too fast by the cows...then it becomes this warp vortex anomaly where that 2 mins late has multiplied by infinity.

That said, if you know your ex is going to be difficult and you live somewhere that traffic is a contributing factor and there are a number of other things that will lead yo delays, manage them accordingly. An event that ends at the same time as your parenting time can be a situation of “school even ends at six, can you give me a half hour-hour leeway so as to not disappoint kid?”

If you know you are traveling and there is a potential for delay, add 10-20 minutes (or more) to your time or manage it better by leaving early.

While we may not think its a big deal, when you are dealing with an unreasonable person, ALWAYS err on the side of not pissing them off.

Constant lateness will be a factor, here and there (and because of a kid activity) is normal.
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Old 02-08-2018, 06:40 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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I would try and be on time, all the time! You dont want to add fuel to the fire. She may use it against you as to saying your "always late" Can u get the children to school on time? Get to the bus on time? Get them to their activities on time? Dr & Dentist appointments. It may snowball on you. Just leave give youself some extra time and she wont have the ammunition.
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Old 02-08-2018, 08:42 PM
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We used the get texts for a 6:30 drop off 'its 6:32, where are the children?" And my favourite, the voicemail at 6:28 while we were sitting at the drop off location going on 10 minutes where the other parent was not yet there, informing us we were late and asking if we were withholding the children.

Ignore.
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Old 02-08-2018, 09:25 PM
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mafia007 mafia007 is offline
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I was married to a « late » woman. Late for work, late for appointments, late for supper, late for Church, late for filing income taxes... late always late.

I pick the children on Friday nights in front of her house and I can wait 15 minutes before D10 is in my van. My ex then has to come at my place on Sunday nights to pick them up at 7h30. Sometime, she is 30 minutes late. Only when I see she has arrived I would tell the kids to get ready to leave. They know their mother always runs late.

Late is 20-30 minutes and occurs frequently. Just like at work, you can be excused for being late 2-3 times. More than that, your boss will let you know.

Don’t be late... it irritates people. Adjust your schedule accordingly.
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Old 02-09-2018, 07:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
there is the odd time that I will run late (2-5 minutes .. 7 minutes at most.) Generally caus3d by traffic and/or construction. I inform the other parent whenever possible but not always possible.
Then leave earlier. Better to be early every time than late 1/2 the time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
There are rare times I am out of town and stuck in traffic, car broke down, flight delayed, appointment runs long etc when I would be more than 10 minutes late and let the other parent know.
Considering your situation access should be your top priority. Be 10 minutes early every time. Then you don't have a problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
The other parent still me messages me that I'm "always" late and that I should be like her and "never" late. surely she has been late up to 15 minutes and more without informing me. and generally makes me wait 5.10 minutes (sometimes 30 minutes) before releasing the child.
Then, always be early. Honestly, why bother being late if you can always be early.

Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
recently I took child to school event (that she was aware of) that ended when my access time ended. She does not want to do exchanges at school. I left the event a little before it ended but was still running 5 minutes late based on my watch due to bad weather and 7 minutes late based on cellular time. Got a message from her as soon as I arrived. Is this something that could impact my case? I believe she's trying to allege I didn't let her know I would be late.. though she knew I was going to the program and was aware what time the program ended.
This is probably the only reason to be late. Furthermore, the parent was not in attendance at this event. Let the other parent use this against you all they want. They will be the one wearing egg on their face.

Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
my bigger question.. how late is late ?
10 minutes early is never late.
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  #9  
Old 02-11-2018, 12:10 PM
youngdad91 youngdad91 is offline
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Thanks folks, this is all very valuable and helpful feedback.
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