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[Pabicop]

Just a question.....I had an affair...yes I know....horrible. But I really love this man and I couldn't bring myself to leave my husband because of his temper. Now everything is out in the open, and I have moved out of our home and gotten an apartment. I told my husband about the affair. I understand the 1 year wait, but is there anyway we can get a divorce any quicker?

[bearall]

Yes, I believe , well I think,you can get your divorce sooner if you admit to adultery and sign an affidavit saying there is no collusion or conivance on you or your husbands part.

[Lindsay]

Hi Pabicop,

There are two other grounds on which one may file for divorce: Adultery and mental or physical cruelty. The problem with filing on either of these grounds is that you may end up having to appear before a judge, and if things get complicated, your divorce may end up taking longer to process than if you had waited for the one-year separation.

It's an absolute pain having to wait the one year, but you could possibly be saving yourself a fortune and a lot of heartache.

Lindsay

[polar]

It is a pain, but on the other hand why do you want divorce?
Mostly to claim your rights on the marriage, or so you can marry the new man?

If it's the latter, then the wait is not so bad. The former is a huge pain though.

[Pabicop]

Thanks....but one more question

I realize that the way I went about things was wrong....but I spent years, from the time I was 18, living as who he wanted me to be. And now, finally...I can be me. I should've waited...trust me...I hate women like me....but the timing was just off, and I couldn't wait.

I don't think it's necessarily to claim my rights on the marriage, nor to marry right away again. I just don't like knowing that I am a married woman, with a boyfriend. I guess it's just my morals finally catching up with me.

If I was to admit to adultry, I know he would take everything...which is funny because he wanted everything and I paid for it. Which I know is really what I deserve. He has threatened to sue me for adultry. Is that a law? Can he sue me in civil court?

What if there was a way that we could agree on an earlier seperation date? We did not sleep in the same bed for 7 months before I actually moved out. That's just the type of person he was....he wanted me to say "Please come back to bed with me" and I was tired of the games and wouldn't say it. So couldn't I technically say that's when the seperation started?

[Grace]

Padicop,

In Ontario it is "No Fault" divorce, so it doesnt matter why one person left the marriage, it will have no bearing on the way Family Law in applied. I also don't believe you can sue a person in civil court for adultery.

As for the separation date, you would both have to agree, I copied the following paragraph from Jeff's web site. Hope it helps.

Date Of Separation In Dispute
In some cases, it's clear when a relationship has ended - one party may decide to leave the home, or there may be a big fight. However, in many cases, it's not clear. For instance, a relationship may gradually end over a period of years. For instance, a spouse may move to a different bedroom with the rest of the relationship continuing as before, a couple may eat dinner together less and less frequently, or a couple may gradually spend less and less time together. In these cases, it is difficult to determine what the exact separation date is. Each spouse believes that the relationship ended on a different date, and this can impact the value of the assets dramatically.

[Pabicop]

Seriously?

OK...let me get this straight...if I admit to adultry, he can't take everything from me...I mean it will still be divided as though nothing happened? I guess I still have this impression that because I pretty much broke up the marriage that I will lose everything, and of course hearing word of mouth from people, including my ex, I might be just brainwashed!

Please just clarify, because if this is the case, I would feel a lot better.

Thank you soooo much!

[Grace]

No Fault is simply that, doesnt make a difference, in family law, who broke up the marriage, or committed adultery.