Hi,
I'm new to this site as well, just stumbled upon it yesterday, hoping to find some fair advice.
A bit about me: I met my ex in 1995, we got married in 2000, and were separated in 2011. We have two beautiful children, a girl and a boy, and I fought tooth and nail to ensure that I had joint and shared custody of my children. They are a very important part of my life, and will always be.
Looking back on my marriage, I endured a lot. I was isolated from my friends, and the only people I could associate with were her friends. I was constantly berated in front of them, and made to feel like an idiot and worthless. I was accused of never being home, despite the fact that I would go to work, and come home, and spent 16 hours a day at home. I was encouraged to pursue my hobbies of writing and photography, but when I tried to find time to take for myself for that, I was made to feel horrible that I wasn't home, so I eventually gave up on my hobbies.
When we were pregnant with our first, we had a discussion about where to go from here. We decided that, since I had a career, and she had just worked in minimum wage jobs, that it would probably be best that she stayed home until the children were in school. But, when she stayed home, she did nothing to support the family. Spending the days on the computer. I would change my daughter before I left for work, then come home and find her in the same diapers. Both our children had diaper rash so bad that they were bleeding. Dishes and laundry were piled up, and I would get frustrated with the mess. She would scream at me, "It's half your mess!" and even though I would do dishes and laundry, and clean the house, I was constantly told I never did enough to help out.
In the end, the day she walked out, a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. We still had $30,000 in joint debt, and we had just purchased a new home less than 1 year before she left. She was refusing to pay any portion of the debt, and was demanding that I sell the house...she even went as far as sending an agent over with papers to put the house on the market. I struggled for months to keep making the loan payments, and eventually I gave up, and was forced into bankruptcy. I walked away from the house as well. I realize I could have remained there, and had her take me to court to get the house awarded to me as I was continuing to make the mortgage payments and maintaining the residence.
The day after she walked out, I found evidence that she had been having an affair for at least 6 months before she left. I confronted her with this information, and she admitted to it. Rather than trying to make amends, she continued the affair (and continues it to this day), and got mad because I found out.
After I left the house, I got a very angry phone call from her, screaming that I "couldn't just dump garbage off at the house." When I went back to my new place, there sitting in my driveway was three large garbage bags, dumped off by her. None of these belonged to me. I suspect a neighbour took advantage of the vacancy of our old residence, and dumped off the garbage at my place. I called her, and she refused to do anything about it. So, I had to involve the police at that point. This was the second time I had to call them about her harassment, and intimidation of me. The first time, she had constantly broke into the old house while I was still living there to "pick up her things". I had to change the locks, because she had one set of keys, and her boyfriend had the other set of keys. He had made physical threats to me because I revealed his affair with my wife to his wife. I asked her politely to notify me when she was coming, and what she was planning to take from the house, so we could arrange some kind of civil transfer. She completely refused, and chose to break in while I was at work, and take things. I asked for an inventory of what she took, and again she refused because I wasn't entitled to that information.
And, it's been all downhill from there. When I moved, I was talking to her on the phone, and asked a leading question, "Do you want my new address?" Her response was, "YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!" Fine, I understand that. It's your obligation, as a parent to know where the children are at all times.
Last year, she moved to a new address. I called her and said, "The kids told me that you moved. Can you provide me with your new address please?" She outright refused. I had to take the issue to my lawyer, and I was instructed to tell her that I couldn't return the kids until I knew where they would be living and with whom. It didn't have to go that far, a day after I delivered her letter, she wrote back and told me the vicinity she was living in, but not the unit number. She told me that I "wasn't allowed on the property or she would call the police." I guess she felt like she was paying me back because I stood up to her harassment. I had served her with a trespass notice, and told her that she can only come onto my property if it involves the kids. Yet, she still continues to drop off letters in my mailbox that are extremely demanding, and have nothing to do with the kids.
When it was decided to pay for support, I agreed for the betterment of the kids. I had offered to pay her privately, yet she insisted on going through FRO. I had even given her a year's worth of cheques, and she handed them back to me.
Over these past two years, I have only been met with hostility. She acts as though I'm the one stalking and harassing her. Her parents have blocked my home phone so I can't call the kids when they are staying over there. Her answering machine picks up after one ring, and I only call to talk to the kids at night...most nights, my calls aren't returned. She would rather have them spend a night overnight with the babysitters, or farm the kids out to her parents for the weekend than have anything to do with them. She told me, during our marriage, that she never wanted kids in the first place, and only had them because I wanted kids. In the end, the only reason why she has the kids is so she can collect child support from me to buy booze for her and her boyfriend, and get more tattoos.
I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I'm just frustrated at the unfair treatment I've gotten over the last 2 years. I've been a good father to my kids. I take them to all their doctors appointments, attend all the school meetings, I'm in constant contact with the school on their progress (my son had some temper issues the past few years, but it has tapered off after the separation surprisingly...at least in my care, from what my daughter says, and what I've been told from the teachers, things are much the same when they are with the mother).
My thoughts and concerns are for my kids and my kids only. The weeks that they're with me, I am theirs 100% of the time.
I'm new to this site as well, just stumbled upon it yesterday, hoping to find some fair advice.
A bit about me: I met my ex in 1995, we got married in 2000, and were separated in 2011. We have two beautiful children, a girl and a boy, and I fought tooth and nail to ensure that I had joint and shared custody of my children. They are a very important part of my life, and will always be.
Looking back on my marriage, I endured a lot. I was isolated from my friends, and the only people I could associate with were her friends. I was constantly berated in front of them, and made to feel like an idiot and worthless. I was accused of never being home, despite the fact that I would go to work, and come home, and spent 16 hours a day at home. I was encouraged to pursue my hobbies of writing and photography, but when I tried to find time to take for myself for that, I was made to feel horrible that I wasn't home, so I eventually gave up on my hobbies.
When we were pregnant with our first, we had a discussion about where to go from here. We decided that, since I had a career, and she had just worked in minimum wage jobs, that it would probably be best that she stayed home until the children were in school. But, when she stayed home, she did nothing to support the family. Spending the days on the computer. I would change my daughter before I left for work, then come home and find her in the same diapers. Both our children had diaper rash so bad that they were bleeding. Dishes and laundry were piled up, and I would get frustrated with the mess. She would scream at me, "It's half your mess!" and even though I would do dishes and laundry, and clean the house, I was constantly told I never did enough to help out.
In the end, the day she walked out, a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. We still had $30,000 in joint debt, and we had just purchased a new home less than 1 year before she left. She was refusing to pay any portion of the debt, and was demanding that I sell the house...she even went as far as sending an agent over with papers to put the house on the market. I struggled for months to keep making the loan payments, and eventually I gave up, and was forced into bankruptcy. I walked away from the house as well. I realize I could have remained there, and had her take me to court to get the house awarded to me as I was continuing to make the mortgage payments and maintaining the residence.
The day after she walked out, I found evidence that she had been having an affair for at least 6 months before she left. I confronted her with this information, and she admitted to it. Rather than trying to make amends, she continued the affair (and continues it to this day), and got mad because I found out.
After I left the house, I got a very angry phone call from her, screaming that I "couldn't just dump garbage off at the house." When I went back to my new place, there sitting in my driveway was three large garbage bags, dumped off by her. None of these belonged to me. I suspect a neighbour took advantage of the vacancy of our old residence, and dumped off the garbage at my place. I called her, and she refused to do anything about it. So, I had to involve the police at that point. This was the second time I had to call them about her harassment, and intimidation of me. The first time, she had constantly broke into the old house while I was still living there to "pick up her things". I had to change the locks, because she had one set of keys, and her boyfriend had the other set of keys. He had made physical threats to me because I revealed his affair with my wife to his wife. I asked her politely to notify me when she was coming, and what she was planning to take from the house, so we could arrange some kind of civil transfer. She completely refused, and chose to break in while I was at work, and take things. I asked for an inventory of what she took, and again she refused because I wasn't entitled to that information.
And, it's been all downhill from there. When I moved, I was talking to her on the phone, and asked a leading question, "Do you want my new address?" Her response was, "YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!" Fine, I understand that. It's your obligation, as a parent to know where the children are at all times.
Last year, she moved to a new address. I called her and said, "The kids told me that you moved. Can you provide me with your new address please?" She outright refused. I had to take the issue to my lawyer, and I was instructed to tell her that I couldn't return the kids until I knew where they would be living and with whom. It didn't have to go that far, a day after I delivered her letter, she wrote back and told me the vicinity she was living in, but not the unit number. She told me that I "wasn't allowed on the property or she would call the police." I guess she felt like she was paying me back because I stood up to her harassment. I had served her with a trespass notice, and told her that she can only come onto my property if it involves the kids. Yet, she still continues to drop off letters in my mailbox that are extremely demanding, and have nothing to do with the kids.
When it was decided to pay for support, I agreed for the betterment of the kids. I had offered to pay her privately, yet she insisted on going through FRO. I had even given her a year's worth of cheques, and she handed them back to me.
Over these past two years, I have only been met with hostility. She acts as though I'm the one stalking and harassing her. Her parents have blocked my home phone so I can't call the kids when they are staying over there. Her answering machine picks up after one ring, and I only call to talk to the kids at night...most nights, my calls aren't returned. She would rather have them spend a night overnight with the babysitters, or farm the kids out to her parents for the weekend than have anything to do with them. She told me, during our marriage, that she never wanted kids in the first place, and only had them because I wanted kids. In the end, the only reason why she has the kids is so she can collect child support from me to buy booze for her and her boyfriend, and get more tattoos.
I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I'm just frustrated at the unfair treatment I've gotten over the last 2 years. I've been a good father to my kids. I take them to all their doctors appointments, attend all the school meetings, I'm in constant contact with the school on their progress (my son had some temper issues the past few years, but it has tapered off after the separation surprisingly...at least in my care, from what my daughter says, and what I've been told from the teachers, things are much the same when they are with the mother).
My thoughts and concerns are for my kids and my kids only. The weeks that they're with me, I am theirs 100% of the time.
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