Hello all! I wish I had found this site as I was going through my separation...it got pretty nasty and involved costly lawyers, case conferences, independent child assessor, offers to settle and it finally ended just before the pre-trial. From "start" to "finish" it was about 14 months. Although not as long as many cases I've read and heard about, it felt like about 10 years of my life!
A little background here
- Married just under 10 years before separating.
- I am a full time working dad with sole custody of my now 10 year daughter
- I bought her out of her share of the matrimonial home.
- the access agreement high level is she is with her mother every other weekend and two evenings during the week while school is session. In the summer holidays those two evenings are bridged overnight.
- we each get up to 3 weeks summer vacation with my daughter
- during the separation, we continued to live "separate and apart", but under one roof. I took up residence in the basement of the house. (talk about STRESSFUL)
- The custody battle was hard fought, but I did what I knew what was right in my heart. I was told up front by my lawyer that sole will be an uphill battle (seeing as I worked full time and my ex was a stay at home mom), but as I informed him of what was happening he said we had a chance.
- It was the child assessor who swung the case as he highly recommended sole custody to me
- I receive a small amount of child support and I pay spousal support.
- About a year after the final court ordered separation agreement, I have filed for divorce and it will be final next month.
If anyone wants more details about my experience, please send me a PM. In general, I think I can help others as they manouvre through the family law legal jungle.
What I have learned is this...some lessons I never thought I'd ever have to learn...
1) No one "wins" in separation, especially when young children are involved. Yes, things can be "better", but there are no outright winners.
2) Don't sweat the small things. Fighting for an extra few thousand dollars when it'll cost you more than that in legal fees doesn't make sense, but it's easy to fall into that trap.
3) If you are going for custody and have to defend yourself, take detailed notes (I had a daily journal, complete with pictures and receipts)
4) Do not be baited into arguements. It's so hard not to just "react" to tense situations, but remaining calm is so very important.
5) In custody situations, what's best for the child is not only the guiding principle in law...but should be the guiding principle for the parents as well. Rise above petty arguements.
6) Pick your battles. There will be many...and you cannot win them all.
It's terrible that we all find ourselves here in this forum...no one plans to separate and divorce when you get married...but I'm glad I found this place. Like I said before, I wish I knew about it a few years ago!
A little background here
- Married just under 10 years before separating.
- I am a full time working dad with sole custody of my now 10 year daughter
- I bought her out of her share of the matrimonial home.
- the access agreement high level is she is with her mother every other weekend and two evenings during the week while school is session. In the summer holidays those two evenings are bridged overnight.
- we each get up to 3 weeks summer vacation with my daughter
- during the separation, we continued to live "separate and apart", but under one roof. I took up residence in the basement of the house. (talk about STRESSFUL)
- The custody battle was hard fought, but I did what I knew what was right in my heart. I was told up front by my lawyer that sole will be an uphill battle (seeing as I worked full time and my ex was a stay at home mom), but as I informed him of what was happening he said we had a chance.
- It was the child assessor who swung the case as he highly recommended sole custody to me
- I receive a small amount of child support and I pay spousal support.
- About a year after the final court ordered separation agreement, I have filed for divorce and it will be final next month.
If anyone wants more details about my experience, please send me a PM. In general, I think I can help others as they manouvre through the family law legal jungle.
What I have learned is this...some lessons I never thought I'd ever have to learn...
1) No one "wins" in separation, especially when young children are involved. Yes, things can be "better", but there are no outright winners.
2) Don't sweat the small things. Fighting for an extra few thousand dollars when it'll cost you more than that in legal fees doesn't make sense, but it's easy to fall into that trap.
3) If you are going for custody and have to defend yourself, take detailed notes (I had a daily journal, complete with pictures and receipts)
4) Do not be baited into arguements. It's so hard not to just "react" to tense situations, but remaining calm is so very important.
5) In custody situations, what's best for the child is not only the guiding principle in law...but should be the guiding principle for the parents as well. Rise above petty arguements.
6) Pick your battles. There will be many...and you cannot win them all.
It's terrible that we all find ourselves here in this forum...no one plans to separate and divorce when you get married...but I'm glad I found this place. Like I said before, I wish I knew about it a few years ago!
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