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  • Prepare Prepare Prepare

    OK ... whenever something stays on my mind, it needs to be discussed.

    DecentDad mentioned in one of his posts ... that if someone is in the midst of seperation/divorce .. the best thing to do would be to prepare, prepare and prepare.

    So heres the scenario. You suspect your spouse may seperate/divorce you. It's been said or mentioned. However, no papers have been officially served to you. You have kids and reside in the same house.

    So what would you do to best prepare yourself for that day when you do get served papers?

    I'll get the ball rolling ...

    1. Journal things ... times, events, what was said and done.
    2. Do not move out of your home.
    3. Maintain relationship with kids.
    4. Pray
    5. Educate yourself about the process
    6. Check out some lawyers in the area
    7. Get your financial in order (Lindsay)
    8. Gather Account statements (Lindsay)
    9. Gather Insurance Policies details (Lindsay)
    10. Gather and store all Household expense receipts (Lindsay)
    11. Status Quo and Defacto (Decent Dad)
    12. PO Box (Decent Dad)
    13. Freeze Joint accounts (Decent Dad)
    14. Know your stenghths and weakness (Decent Dad)
    15. Watch for legal jargon from spouse, an indication that spouse is seeking counsel from a source (Excellent one Decent Dad)


    Excellent, keep em coming!

    Hubby
    Last edited by hubby; 01-31-2006, 12:40 PM.

  • #2
    Financial documents

    It's a good idea to start putting together your financial documents. Financial disclosure can be a very overwhelming process, so getting started early will help alleviate some of the stress that comes with dealing with this.

    If you are unsure of the date of separation, start with organizing your income tax returns and notices of assessment and/or reassessment for the past three years. Keep all of your pay stubs together. If you own a business, organize your financial statements and tax returns for the past three years.

    If you don't have your personal income tax returns, you may obtain these from the CCRA. There are also kiosks that you can visit that will allow you to get this information through an automated attendant. In Ottawa, you may obtain copies of your personal ITRs at:

    333 Laurier Avenue West
    Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0L9
    Hours: 8:15 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

    If the date of separation has been agreed upon, start collecting statements for your accounts that cover the date of separation. Statements that show your name and account number are best. You will also need date of separation statements for any life insurance policies and a summary showing the details of each policy.

    If spousal support is an issue, it's a great idea to organize your receipts. Trying keeping different envelopes or folders for groceries, clothing, home maintenance, etc. This will give you or your lawyer a good idea of what kind of expenses you are facing each month. It will also help support any high reoccurring expenses you may have, such as medical expenses. If child support is an issue, collect your receipts for any special or extraordinary expenses.

    Lindsay

    Comment


    • #3
      I found filling out the Financial Statement an overwhelming task.

      You can get a copy of the Financial Statement (Form 13) on the following web site and have a dry run at completing it, before going to the lawyers.

      http://www.ontariocourts.on.ca/family_court/forms/

      Comment


      • #4
        Great link Grace....wish I had that site earlier

        Comment


        • #5
          Depending on your circumstances, you may want to look at freezing (or locking?) joint accounts, including savings, chequing, LOC's and credit cards. You may be hit with half the debt run up on these joint accounts, unless you can prove otherwise. Better safe than sorry.

          I would also suggest getting a PO box. Nothing like a letter from the lawyer ending up in your ex's hands.

          Assume the worse. Sure, it could all work out amicably, without lawyers or court. Maybe even getting away with a month or two of mediation. But think the worse and know your weaknesses (and strengths). Be aware of what will hurt you (your case).

          Finally, watch for signs that things are going sour. I knew I was in trouble when my ex stopped talking about our children and the plan, and started to use words ilke: matrimonial home, primary caregiver, primary residence...

          Comment


          • #6
            oh... another good word... status quo. No two words have destroyed so many children and apaents.

            Comment


            • #7
              DecentDad,

              How would one go about 'freezing' or locking joint accounts when the participation or consent from both parties is required? So, how does one protect oneself from the other half?

              Hubby

              Comment


              • #8
                Hubby,

                I believe you need a court order to freeze assets, at least that's what happened in my case.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Decent Dad
                  oh... another good word... status quo. No two words have destroyed so many children and apaents.
                  Im trying to work this one out.
                  How has that destroyed families?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by polar
                    Im trying to work this one out.
                    How has that destroyed families?
                    Status Quo meaning courts do not like to 'disturb' things as they are for the kids. They like it to remain the same.

                    If you leave the home and do not spend time with your kids and all and your spouse does, that becomes the status quo.

                    Correct me if I'm wrong.

                    Hubby

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Status Quo

                      CUSTODY – THE STATUS QUO
                      One of the most important factors in determining which parent will be given custody is the status quo. That means that the first time a case comes before a judge, he or she will inquire as to the arrangements regarding day-to-day care of the children since separation. This is called de facto custody or custody in fact.

                      In the absence of a very compelling reason and strong evidence supporting that reason, judges will not uproot a child from the care of one parent and transfer him/her to the care of another parent on a interim motion. Why? Because judges seek to minimize disruption and emotional upheaval in the child’s life. If there is to be a change in a child’s residence a judge will typically endeavor to limit that change to a single occurrence at the very end of the case, after all the evidence has been heard. Residential changes involve the possible change of schools, change of neighbourhood and emotional stress to the child. Such disruptions are rarely in a child’s best interests, so in the absence of strong evidence to the contrary, a judge will generally make an interim or temporary order that reflects the status quo and leave the child in the care of the parent who has had de facto custody since separation.

                      Once the status quo is confirmed in a court order, it becomes very difficult to dislodge. A trial will be one or two years down the road and during that time, the child will become even more settled with the parent who has interim custody, thus making a change of custody that much more disruptive to the child. Usually it takes one of three occurrences to change an interim or temporary order with respect to custody:
                      • The recommendation of an assessor that custody be changed.
                      • The expression of the wishes of the child (assuming he or she is of an age that the court would consider him or her capable of freely and responsibly expressing such an opinion) that custody be changed.
                      • Strong evidence that the parent who has interim custody of the child is unfit. Evidence of neglect, extreme hostility to the access parent as demonstrated with refusal to grant access or drug or alcohol abuse

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        How would one go about 'freezing' or locking joint accounts
                        In regards to post-separation spending, a party cannot control what their spouse does with the joint accounts. However, one cannot simply put $3,000.00 onto the joint credit card and not have to worry about facing the consequences later. A party may claim the freezing of assets in an application (or answer).

                        If your case has the potential of being settled outside the courtroom, you may ask through negotiation that your spouse's post-secondary spending on the joint accounts be deducted or added in an adjustment to the equalization payment.

                        Lindsay

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by polar
                          Im trying to work this one out.
                          How has that destroyed families?
                          Grace answered this one very well... but to put it into practice. Say you are the nice parent (guy) and the ex-wife wants to ease the children into a routine, or wants to finish breastfeeding or some other reason not to go 50-50 from the get go. You may even have this in writing.

                          So 3 months down the road you look at the clause in your agreement or you want the children as per what you both talked about. Then she says "status quo....". And before you know it you are in court for years and status quo becomes the law and bam... good night.

                          It is a very real threat and very real thing that can harm you and the kids.

                          Why does it harm the kids? Any time one parent takes the kids from another parent (especially one that wants to be involved), it hurts them (and everyone).

                          Sadly, you could probably offer the ex $20,000 the next day and she would break status quo in a minute.

                          Comment

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