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Extremely disturbing comments from D4 tonight!t

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  • #31
    Originally posted by oink View Post
    Depending on who is having the conversation i.e. making the reference. If a child and a father / mother was talking about a non-biological child, the way in which they will describe the child would take on different terms
    Excuse me for being an English teacher. "Step-" means related through marriage only. "Half-" means related biologically through one parent only.

    English doesn't change just because you need to cover up for your mistakes.

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    • #32
      Can I ask everyone to stop now?

      The OP's child was abused and everyone is arguing semantics? Really?

      Strength and positive thoughts being sent to dad2bandm.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by oink View Post
        Depending on who is having the conversation i.e. making the reference. If a child and a father / mother was talking about a non-biological child, the way in which they will describe the child would take on different terms
        it would be their step chld but if one of the children is related thru having the same mother or same father,they will always be sibilings. The brother in question has no relation to the original poster so he is not their child or step-child.

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        • #34
          It is Monday now so I have arrived at CAS office in hopes of getting some info. I have been provided worker's name, but not sure of when I can speak to her yet. They are confirming their schedule if they will be at office or if worker will be at other appointments.

          I now wonder if the other report they said came last week might be related to my calling the hot line for advice late, late Friday night?

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          • #35
            Apparently, the worker that I need to talk to (they insisted it must be her), won't be in the office until much later, so they said for me to leave her a voice-mail, and that she should call me back.

            I did that, and am hoping to hear something back today, but...

            ...her voicemail says she is "in the office the 9th", but "out of the office the 10th throug 18th".

            So I wonder who I will actually be dealing with, since it sounds like this particular person won't even be around (vacation?)

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            • #36
              It was definitely another "source" that raised this issue with FCS, it sounds like. Apparently, it was brought to their attention earlier last week.

              I'm not sure how I feel about that. Given the situation, I would guess that should assist them.

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              • #37
                Who is this worker's manager or direct supervisor? It may be time to escalate and go over her head. A parent should not be locked out of information pertaining to a possible incident of sexual abuse involving his child just because somebody's on vacation. You need to know what is going on, what's in this mysterious "report" and what actions are on the table. I would suggest calling back and asking who this worker reports to. You're not calling to complain about her, you're calling because you need to discuss a situation which can't wait until September 18. Keep pushing.

                This CAS sounds bloody useless.

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                • #38
                  Any news????

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                  • #39
                    Has your daughter gone back to Moms.
                    I know its hostile with Mom, but this is the time where you need to be seen as trying your best to work as a team. Even if its a one sided attempt. CAS isn't helping much at all, and won't I believe. Relay the message to Mom in an email and ask if she can elaborate on the situation so that you can understand what happened, and what is going on to prevent this ever happening again.
                    Mom should have told you, but now that you know information that is very important you need to talk to her about it. Maybe the 2 of you could try and work out a temporary measure to make sure that it can't happen again. If you are seen as trying your best to work with Mom, it will help you alot in being able to be there in all of this to help your daughter.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by fireweb13 View Post
                      Relay the message to Mom in an email and ask if she can elaborate on the situation so that you can understand what happened...
                      That was done during the weekend, asking for clarification around what happened, and why FCS is involved. Mom read it, but has not responded in any way.

                      - Followed up with FCS supervisor (the workers' supevisor, she suggested I call her), about seeing if anyone else will be working on this, instead of it waiting until worker back from vacation;

                      - they said it will wait until worker is back, but they have talked to Mom apparently, and Mom agreed to make sure kids are supervised (that is the safety plan), and is "onboard" with everything

                      - apparently, now they are telling me Mom iniated all of this. That's good at least, if that is what happened, but that is not what FCS had been telling me before.

                      They also don't seem to mind that I'm in the dark from Mom on this issue. "We'd prefer she let you know about this, but that's Mom decision". They know we share joint custody of D4.

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                      • #41
                        As a custodial parent you are entitled to all information regarding the children, whether it occurs at your house or mom's house.

                        I would remind them that you are a joint custodial parent and that you are requesting to be kept up to date in all matters regarding "our" children.

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                        • #42
                          Read the below quote.

                          Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                          Perhaps something to consider here, is if they were BOTH your kids, or yours was the older child rather than the victim, what would you want to see happen?
                          Now, read the above quote again.

                          Sage advice, there.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Update... (not much of one)

                            - I really have no new info from CAS, because they basically told me this will wait until their worker is back sometime this week, mid-week.
                            - they feel their interim "safety measure" of asking Mom to make sure kids are supervised, is good.
                            - I did make sure they know that I'm a joint custodial parent, and told them I feel I'm not being kept in the loop on this. I told them I would like to receive a report, on what exactly was reported here, as the only info I have, is D4's comments. Mom, at the time, still had not provided me any info, and CAS on the phone, is vague, and they do not mention exaclty what is reported. They seem to indicate that I will be provided info, after interviews are done, and not before?

                            **
                            The only other update I have, is Mom has finally sent me some "info", if you want to call it that, just yesterday, via an email response.

                            - it's long and rambling, and hard for me to pick out relevant info; it also seems to contradict itself, in many spots, so I'm not sure what is fact or fiction, in what she wrote me.

                            - Mom seems to confirm, she reported this and says she knew about this since first day of school?
                            - but Mom also writes that she's "been crying for weeks about this" ?

                            - she seems to write, and make a point of saying that this is a "one-off" situation; concentrates on explaining she has only left the kids without her direct supervision twice ever before, and explains that she has narrowed this down to occuring one particular day, when she had to attend court, back in April ?
                            (this, despite numerous emails in the past between us, where "supervision" has been an issue)

                            - somehow she has come to the conclusion and explains, that this "issue" stems from her other ex's house, and "the children he has decided to take on", (whom she may or may not be still embroiled in court with) so writes that she won't be sending her son there anymore, until a judge orders otherwise.

                            - explains that she didn't know what to say, so "honestly the truth is the best explantion I can give you". (I'm not sure how anything but the truth would help explain what happened?)

                            --
                            It's a very bizarre email, where a lot is said, but nothing is really explained.

                            The only thing I have been able to do thus far, is keep on with my normal routine when it comes to D4, until I have more info from CAS on this.
                            Last edited by dad2bandm; 09-16-2013, 10:00 AM. Reason: Typo

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                            • #44
                              Good for you to keep on pushing with CAS to find out what happened.

                              The good takeaway I get from your account of Mom's rambling email is that she's not in denial - she acknowledges something happened that was wrong and she has taken some measures (possibly effective?) to prevent it from happening again. This is a world more useful than "what? nothing happened, what are you talking about?" or "it was really no big deal, I don't understand why people are freaking out" or "I don't owe you an explanation" - all forms of avoiding the issue.

                              Just keep a normal life going with D4 - be alert to anything which suggests that this incident is still affecting her or preying on her mind, but don't assume that she's going to be irreversibly damaged by this. You sound like you're doing a really good job of parenting through this.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Update (I have no update):

                                I still have no further info around this, since my last posting.
                                Mom won't provide further clarification, than the one vague, email response I got from her.

                                CAS has not been in touch with me.

                                The worker who is assigned (I've been told I have to speak to her) was supposed to be back mid-last week, so I left her a message, to get in touch with me as soon as possible please.

                                Explained who I was again (D4's dad, and that Mom and I share joint custody), and explained that I would like some details of what exactly has been reported, and why my daughter is involved, because so far, I only have D4's comments, and some vague remarks from Mom and CAS. I shouldn't be left guessing why D4 is involved. I was "nice" (I think so anyway) about it, but did explain that I expect to be contacted about D4's situation. Last week is gone...we'll see what this week brings.

                                Comment

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