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  • #16
    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    Huh, thats weird. My partners ex had to pay him a portion of her pension and a portion of the house value. It was a lump sum so she got a second mortgage to pay him out. This is one of the big bones that has dragged the kids in too that mom is broke because he took her money. She has a house that keeps increasing in value because of the location and a pension that keeps growing. So while she is broke NOW, when she sells the house and retires she will be fine.
    I suspect that rather than having her pension administrator split it off into a locked in RRSP for him, she made up the difference by getting a loan instead. So her pension is untouched but she had to go into further debt to accomplish it. Her choice.

    I gave my ex other assets so I could keep my full pension.

    It probably also depends on the employer, or the nature of the pension.

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    • #17
      That could be another solution suitable to my needs. I will even suggest it in my offers to settle. She could be ordered to Refinance only for a portion of her share of my pension in exchange of my equity of the house for the same portion. We know she doesn't qualify for the full amount but maybe 40-50% of it she would. If she gets ordered to do so and she doesn't qualify, then the house will be listed for sale. That is a fair game for both.

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      • #18
        Maybe I missed something but Im having a hard time with this intense desire to sell the house. To me its beginning to feel more and more like you don't want your ex to have anything and less like you need money. Don't your kids live there? Your ex isn't able to get a mortgage or loan. Plus she has legal expenses too. Yes you're paying support but you're also pissed that your ex is living in a house you want equity from. She lives there with the kids. Are they supposed to sell and find something else and THEN deal with the financial fall out when it all settles?

        You're angry she was given title and you aren't getting paid but your kids are probably terrified that they wont have a place to live.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          Maybe I missed something but Im having a hard time with this intense desire to sell the house. To me its beginning to feel more and more like you don't want your ex to have anything and less like you need money. Don't your kids live there? Your ex isn't able to get a mortgage or loan. Plus she has legal expenses too. Yes you're paying support but you're also pissed that your ex is living in a house you want equity from. She lives there with the kids. Are they supposed to sell and find something else and THEN deal with the financial fall out when it all settles?

          You're angry she was given title and you aren't getting paid but your kids are probably terrified that they wont have a place to live.
          I gave her plenty of time (2014 to 2016) to make the arrangement with the bank to get her loan and buy my interest. This is part of the divorce. You win on some issues, you lose on others. You cannot only WIN it all. I would like to remind you that the father also has a home to suit their kids. Why would mom would stay in the castle with the children and dad would be couching from a basement to another.

          Don't forget that divorce happen and the results must be reflected on both parties without creating a significant prejudice to the other. The children has a right to spend quality time with both of their parents in a new location, no matter the outcomes.

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          • #20
            Agreed but at the moment they are with her full time right? You arent 50/50 yet?

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            • #21
              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
              Agreed but at the moment they are with her full time right? You arent 50/50 yet?
              Remember, she changed the locks. I was forced out of the MH and lost access to my kids right from this instance. Since, she has denied all request for access. Why I am not at 50/50 yet? Because of the slowish court process. After two years with mom, with her influence, they might feel unsecured with me. I have to work to prove it wrong. S16 will change his mind eventually. D14 is completely alienated. As you were Rockscan against your own father. Too bad for her as there is little I can do to change that and any attempts would be hopeless. I will use what is happening with D14 to save my relationship with D8.

              Being said, the spouse who lost access or decided to leave to improve a better lifestyle by avoiding conflicts, should not by excluded from his rights. To allow a spouse with full possession of the MH and no equity to the other creates a financial prejudice as he won't be able to get accommodation to have access with his children for a long period forward. Other points to consider are; the choices the spouse has made since the separation. If she decided to cut a bit on her business because she was starting to feel tired, this should be her decision and should not rely on the other spouse and on her own kids.

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              • #22
                Agreed. I was having a hard time remembering your case. Im not saying shes right, Im saying try to keep your anger or unhappiness towards her to yourself and/or this forum and remember that while this situation isnt ideal, your kids get a stable home for the next few months while you try to hammer things out.

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                • #23
                  This is absolutely not a revenge thing. It is only a question of being fair to both parties. We all need to move on to our new life, and we surely need the ressources that we both had invested in during our marriage. For all the children, they should look at it as a new start, a new life at each side of their parents.

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                  • #24
                    The end is getting farther and endless

                    Now here it is.

                    Trial postponed from January 2017 to May 2017.

                    Title of MH was transferred in her name alone and the equity of the house will be argued at Trial vs my government pension. (basically, access to immediate asset vs future asset).

                    Already offered two settlement that were turned down. I requested same on their side but they just replied by email (not formal offers) and they are mostly demands... not offers. She refused to give more access and she won't accept my parenting plan. Now that she has the MH under her sole name, she won't negotiate as she got what she wanted.

                    Haven't seen D14 since last August. S16 has increased his access to include an overnight on Saturday to leave on Sunday night instead.

                    D9 has expressed her desire to stay much longer but doesn't really know. She is not sure and she is not confortable talking about it. It's obvious she is hiding information behind but I can tell she would like to let it out. We've been on that schedule now since last March (every Thursday from 4h to 7h pm and every second Saturday from 10h am to 8h pm). I've requested over three times to increase the access to add an overnight until the schedule is progressively reaching a 50/50 parenting time schedule. All request were refused. I've asked more access for the Holidays and they were also denied.

                    The CL recommended in front of Justice at SC that both D's follow a therapy of reunification with their father. Justice confirmed with my ex and her lawyer that they agreed to it. I took the step to have it going on but my ex suddenly decided to turn it down this week. She refused to sign in the registration stating their was no order from the Court. The therapist centre will be sending a letter to confirm they had to close the file because of her refusal.

                    Question/Advice.

                    Should I just keep on asking for more access and document everything until Trial in next May or should I request a Motion to increase the access progressively and to add the Holiday schedule and others such as March Break? Seems long to ask for more access for over the next 5 months when you know the answer ahead.

                    Thanks
                    Last edited by mafia007; 11-17-2016, 03:39 PM. Reason: Typo

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                    • #25
                      Any tips if I should bring a motion to request more access or should I just wait until trial in Spring?

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                      • #26
                        Play the long game.... 5 months is nothing in a lifetime. I know its hard but they are trying to break you. Super standard practice....

                        Is the house owned free and clear?

                        How did she get in her name (she would need to qualify for the mortgage)?

                        Why was the trial "adjourned" for 5 months....

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                          Play the long game.... 5 months is nothing in a lifetime. I know its hard but they are trying to break you. Super standard practice....
                          The schedule right now doesn't work. With the travel on my every Thursday parental time of 3h only really gives me less than 2h. It doesn't give enough time to do anything and the kids must rush to eat their dinner. S16 hate it so much that he started skipping the visits to go to his friends' place instead. I suggested to drop that Thursday nights and add it to the Friday night during my Temporary EOW access I have right now and STBX just refused. Since the kids doesn't like it, it would be in their best interest to change it so that they won't have to rush anymore. Also, we've been following that schedule since last March so D9 should now be allowed for overnights at my place. I could have wait until Trial but since it was postponed from January to May, I don't want to give the impression that I accepted this shitty schedule.

                          Is the house owned free and clear?

                          How did she get in her name (she would need to qualify for the mortgage)?
                          I told my lawyer for the past year that no matter what, if the house is transferred, sold or else... I need my equity and must make sure I get it before I am released from the mortgage. She screwed up. The MH was transferred to STBX as she only qualified for the outstanding balance of the mortgage and my lawyer said that the equity is always negotiated during the equalization process. This is BS and I have provided her with enormous case law where the share of the equity was concluded way before trial. I must fight at trial to get some equity in exchange of my pension. Now that she got the house, she still want more, she is not open to negotiation and all my requests for access are being denied.

                          Why was the trial "adjourned" for 5 months....
                          There were too many cases that were being scheduled to trial in January. They kept the oldest one in January and all the cases that were just added to the list were postponed to the next list.

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                          • #28
                            Updates...

                            All requests for increase of regular access denied.

                            All requests for Holiday access denied.

                            Request to initiate a therapy with my D's denied.

                            Separation agreement and proposed parental plan not accepted.

                            This is going to be a long game until trial in next May 2017!

                            I know it will be impossible to reach an agreement before May so basically I am heading to trial. It will give me over 4 months to prepare my case, get advise on how to prepare my trial, how to present my exhibits and how to question the witnesses. I know there is place in Ottawa where they can provide you with procedural instructions for 30 minutes each visits so I am definitely going to use their services for my trial.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              I agree with Links on this one. Play the long game and don't let them break you.

                              YES...keep asking for access....ask for mediation.... ask for www.ourfamilywizard.com .. etc.

                              Have you taken parenting after separation classes? Went and updated your first aid/CPR? Get some things going in your favour while you wait.

                              You want as many denials as you can get. I like your "denial list" in your last message. She's even denying therapeutic reunification that she initially agreed to. She's going to look like a high conflict dumbass.

                              Her most significant ammunition will be "status quo".....but remember it's "manufactured"..false status quo. Not once have you ever acquiescenced to this situation...and your denials on paper prove it.

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                              • #30
                                We did mediation in June 2015 and it was a waste. Her lawyer is proposing mediation again but she already give her position which is not acceptable on my part. So mediation would only be a waste of money.

                                Good advise though, during those 4 months, I will continue to document and I will look into parental sessions I can attend.

                                Comment

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