SBTX is threating to take me to the cleaners and get full custody

[abuseddad]

So the SBTX anytime they tell her that there is no job for next year or I ask her for her share in the house expenses, she threatens that she will take me to the cleaners. Anytime I suggest going to find another job as I need help in the house expenses, she threatens the same. I suggest to sell the house and everyone goes his merry way, she says that she can't afford a mortgage and she will get full custody. I know that no judge will give her the later.

All these discussions are away from kids, but she brings it up and starts yelling and screaming in front of the kids.
My older kid has told his before and after school home daycare about the mother loud voice and the threats to the father.
The home daycare sat with us and convinced her to stop doing that in front of the kids. The home daycare thinks that SBTX sucks at being a mom (can't drop off and pick up the kids before and after, can't take care of the kids in the summer......etc).
The SBTX continues the disrespect and the screaming and yelling. Any way I can get her out of the house at least till all paper is completed with conditions of communication?
Thanks

[BitHunter]

nobody cares about what she is yelling, and nobody cares about the home daycare's opinion.
As long as you don't have a court order, she has just as much right to stay in that house as you have. (assuming it is a matrimonial property)
no good situation. it can lead to false accusations of domestic violence very easily. I would tell her that there is a working voice recorder ALL the time when I'm in the building.

[mcdreamy]

No.
And you can continue to ask this very same question every other week and the answer is always going to be No. You are both entitled to reside in the matrimonial home pending equalization.

Have you retained your own lawyer yet? What brand of recorder have you purchased?

[blinkandimgone]

For household expenses, simply let her know that you can no longer affordable cover the costs on your own and she will have to contribute. Giverbher a copy of the bills so she knows how much they are, let her know which ones you have notified for cancellation (hydro and gas are good ones to start with as she can't live without them either and has no way of preventing you from using them simply because she is paying for it like she could with phone, cable and Internet). Let her know you have been in touch with the utilities and cancelled tour account with them as of XX date and should she wish to continue to have utilities she will have to contact them and open an account.moving the bills into her name.

And agreed with above: voice recorder ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

That cannot be stressed enough how important this is.

[standing on the sidelines]

For household expenses, simply let her know that you can no longer affordable cover the costs on your own and she will have to contribute. Giverbher a copy of the bills so she knows how much they are, let her know which ones you have notified for cancellation (hydro and gas are good ones to start with as she can't live without them either and has no way of preventing you from using them simply because she is paying for it like she could with phone, cable and Internet). Let her know you have been in touch with the utilities and cancelled tour account with them as of XX date and should she wish to continue to have utilities she will have to contact them and open an account.moving the bills into her name.

And agreed with above: voice recorder ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

That cannot be stressed enough how important this is.

i am not sure if cancelling essential services is a good idea with small kids in the house. I would go for phone, internet, cable and if she has her own car any bills related to that. I have a feeling that threatening to cancel essential services may bite him in the ass.

[blinkandimgone]

Technically, I believe they cannot be cancelled entirely, they must at minimum be transferred to another person as someone has to pay for the delivery charges even if not used. But giving her 60 days notice that she is expected to make arrangements is reasonable, I think. And it should definitely be done in writing via email.

Aside from that, there's always the other non essential bills but she is likely to play the 'you can't use my Internet /phone/cable' game.

[standing on the sidelines]

Technically, I believe they cannot be cancelled entirely, they must at minimum be transferred to another person as someone has to pay for the delivery charges even if not used. But giving her 60 days notice that she is expected to make arrangements is reasonable, I think. And it should definitely be done in writing via email.

Aside from that, there's always the other non essential bills but she is likely to play the 'you can't use my Internet /phone/cable' game.

and if she doesn't do it, then what?

[arabian]

Empower yourself. Get good, competent legal advice. Encourage her to get her own legal advice as it's better that your ex get informed about reality of divorce/separation from someone qualified rather than her girlfriends.

Her threats are likely indication that she is confused and frightened (in her own twisted way) of change and uncertain future.

Document, document and document everything. Prepare yourself for the fight of your life.

Yes you and your ex very will may lose everything you own to pay for legal expenses. Hopefully calmer heads will prevail in the future and the two of you can come to agreement on some things.

[blinkandimgone]

and if she doesn't do it, then what?

Then she doesn't get the benefits of all the extras. If he can't afford to pay everything on his own, she needs to pick up some of the slack, she should be anyways. So he stops paying for things and if she wants them she pays for them herself. She either pays the utilities or the others, either way she's either out of gas/hydro till she picks it up or she's out of phone/cable/Internet until she picks it up. Just like she would be when she's on her own in the near future if they actually get around to separate residences. She'll figure it out.

[Teenwolf]

Technically, I believe they cannot be cancelled entirely, they must at minimum be transferred to another person as someone has to pay for the delivery charges even if not used. But giving her 60 days notice that she is expected to make arrangements is reasonable, I think. And it should definitely be done in writing via email.

A friend of mine is in a similar situation. The STBX is living in the house, while he is not, but was still paying ALL the bills. This was putting him in a financial pinch. Thru his lawyer, he sent the STBX a letter giving 30 days notice that the utilities will be cancelled in his name and she is to make arrangements to create her own utility accounts.

It worked. That was done a few months ago, and the STBX now holds all the utility accounts. He is still paying the mortgage, property tax and insurance though.

[Franklin]

The longer you live with this woman who now is unemployed the better chance for her to claim support from you. If you think you are separated now, your wrong as it will be your words against hers. You will loose. You will be cast as abandoning her in her time of need. All your previous efforts are forgotten and you will be accused of lying
You need to set her up, record and video her outburst, go to the police, cry, fear monger, make no ends of what if statements, that will get the ball rolling a bit, mabey they will have to do something. I guess you need a restraining order against her. Can you imagine if you were out the house on one, with one simple move you are out, unable to even contact your children for 30 days. Then she claim,s more bad stuff and you have some supervised access. By the time your at your first CC you have already sighned an order to pay support and the Satus quoe is established.

You have to play this up. If you don,t and she does, your finished. Get her out the house. My ex was mean but not crazy, your kids sound like they are in danger by the sounds of your post. I think your running of time. Even if you pay out $2000 for the restraining order, get a lawyer for the paperwork as that,s all that is. Then she,s out and status quoe is on your side. After that she will have legal aid or whoever. Let them do the paperwork you answer all the forms self rep, show up to court. Demand your recordings respected, throw around a lot what ifs, They will have to error on the side of caution for you. I believe it is that simple. Just not that easy.

[Franklin]

nobody cares about what she is yelling, and nobody cares about the home daycare's opinion.
As long as you don't have a court order, she has just as much right to stay in that house as you have. (assuming it is a matrimonial property)
no good situation. it can lead to false accusations of domestic violence very easily. I would tell her that there is a working voice recorder ALL the time when I'm in the building.

This is true until you need evidence for a restraining order. Can you Imagine no evidence. Thing is you need an affidavit from the child care worker and she has to sighn it in front of Notary. I think that,s hard to set up. But if the cops or CAS investigate, they do it, how great is that, but you have to play it up man, you have to cry wolf, cry and beg and make a scene forcing authorities to , again with a label, TO ERROR IN THE NAME OF CAUTION, which means to cover your ass.

Easiest thing to do is use a lawyer for the initial paperwork, your recordings, and CAS to interview the day worker.Get the public involved.

A guy I know had this happen to him. Wish I knew the first step his ex took after recordings and a picture. Was it the police , legal aid , who evaluated the evidence? Did a Judge even look at it before sighning. Hmmmmmm. Probably not

[FightingForFamily]

You have to be very careful. If she senses she is starting to lose control she will probably abduct the children and leave the home and you won't know where they went. At this point a judge will almost definitely end up awarding her custody (at least interim), you will be forced to pay for their support, she won't agree to sell or pay for the home, you will go into foreclosure on the home followed eventually by bankruptcy once the legal bills hit the $60,000+ range...

Even this is a pretty good situation. Much worse, she will either provoke you into a physical fight or outright attack you, and then call the police. No physical violence actually needs to happen, either. She can just lie or claim she is afraid of you and you will go to jail and be banned from going to the home even if you didn't do anything.

You're only at 3% crazy now. It's going to get a lot worse.

Move fast, get mediation or motions in court going, record everything, keep witnesses, starting collecting evidence.

[HammerDad]

IMO, you need to start cutting off all non-essentials. I would open an new bank account and have your cheques deposited there. Then you can pay the bills as needed and buy food for the house. If the ex has a cell phone, they will have to find a way to pay for it themselves. You cut down the cable/internet etc.

Pay the utilities to keep the house running, as that would make you look bad in court if you don't. But don't pay for stuff that is simply fluff. If the ex asks for money to go grocery shopping you get a grocery store gift card for them.

Read The List The List - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum

Understand that The List is gearing you up for a worst case scenario. There are also certain things you likely don't have to worry about. But when it comes to the finances and separating yourself from the ex, it provides a good task list of what to do.

[standing on the sidelines]

This is true until you need evidence for a restraining order. Can you Imagine no evidence. Thing is you need an affidavit from the child care worker and she has to sighn it in front of Notary. I think that,s hard to set up. But if the cops or CAS investigate, they do it, how great is that, but you have to play it up man, you have to cry wolf, cry and beg and make a scene forcing authorities to , again with a label, TO ERROR IN THE NAME OF CAUTION, which means to cover your ass.

Easiest thing to do is use a lawyer for the initial paperwork, your recordings, and CAS to interview the day worker.Get the public involved.

A guy I know had this happen to him. Wish I knew the first step his ex took after recordings and a picture. Was it the police , legal aid , who evaluated the evidence? Did a Judge even look at it before sighning. Hmmmmmm. Probably not

are you friends with LF32s ex?? Maybe ask him how it feels to have false allegations made against him. Just bad advice.