Hi there, newbie from Northern Ontario

[goosie77]

Nope, not from Ottawa, hope that's OK!

I've been married to my husband for 2.5 years now, and it's been challenging to say the least. 90% of our issues stem from his ex and the ongoing nonsense concerning her and her trying to make his life a living hell. It's been very trying to say the least, but I tell myself to stick it out as best I can... partly because I was married once before and so I'm more committed to making things work this time. I'd hate to get divorced because of outside influences, and not because we actually can't stand each other, you know?

Anyways, I'm here for advice and maybe even to give a little if I can, as I successfully beat the ex's lawyer on 3 different occasions now in court (although unfortunately she's now hired a new lawyer who ISN'T a loser LOL ).

Glad to be here, thanks for having me!

[Pursuinghappiness]

...as I successfully beat the ex's lawyer on 3 different occasions now in court...

Maybe if you had stayed out of his divorce issues, it wouldn't have resulted in the amount of animosity that she had in the first place?

If 90% of your issues result from his ex...then you have very screwed up priorities in your relationship.

You weren't standing at the altar when he made the decision to marry him...its really not your place to delve into his divorce details. It causes a steep escalation in an already war-like situation. If he's a grown man, he should be handling this on his own...and having the respect for his ex and you not to have you at each other's throats.

I seriously cannot understand women who engage in this. Its such a violation of your place as the new partner....and its so incredibly disrespectful on his part.

[arabian]

Couldn't agree with you more Pursuing Happiness. I think people become involved in their partner's battle with ex because they are 1) biased and blindly believe everything their partner relates to them, 2) they falsely believe that by endorsing everything their partner says elevates them in their partner's eyes as a super-supportive individual, 3) they have something financial to gain by "sticking it to the ex" and 4) have little going on in their current relationship and get a genuine thrill out of the dysfunctional relationships of others.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Regardless of the motive for getting involved, the issue is that it causes a massive escalation in an already traumatic situation.

Personally, I've been on both sides...I met my partner when he was going through a divorce and vice versa. I was always available when he needed someone to talk or vent to....and he was there for me but his divorce was his business...and mine is mine.

With some ex's..its bad enough when they even know you're dating....to drag that new person into the details and legalities of a divorce is akin to putting a box of dynamite on a campfire.

From a relationship perspective...its truly disrespectful to use a new partner this way. And what occurs in a marriage is really only known by the two people who entered into it. To abuse your place in a new relationship by getting involved in this is truly wrong. Just my opinion, however.

[goosie77]

Ummm alrighty then, I never said I was involved in his "DIVORCE". He wasn't married, they were split for years before we dated. Things were amicable with her until we got engaged, which is when she started dragging him through court unnecessarily. And because we couldn't afford a lawyer, I took care of all the court paperwork for him, as his partner. Simple.

And I don't see how my priorities are screwed up because his ex is constantly making trouble for us, and it puts a lot of stress on the both of us?

Guess my welcome was worn out before I even hit a dozen posts. Glad you guys have me and my marriage all figured out.

[hadenough]

Aside from making references about what a nutty bitch his ex is (you provided no examples) and boasting that you were great at kicking her ass in court (over undisclosed matters) just wtf are you talking about anyway? If your partner's ex can rock your foundation this much then I suspect your relationship has several other issues. For what little info you have offered, I'd have to agree with PursuingH and arabian. You should try presenting a more intelligent, detailed scenario - otherwise the responses you received are quite fitting.

[goosie77]

I didn't realize I had to explain the whole sordid scenario in an INTRODUCTION post. Wow. Real welcoming bunch.

So where did I call her a nutty bitch exactly? And where did I say I had 'kicked her ass'? Yep, I beat her lawyer, after she.. for starters, tried to get sole custody as soon as she found out we were engaged, as she wanted to move to Alberta all of a sudden, and tried to get back support, and took out a credit card in his name and racked it up (as she worked at a financial institution), and then moved to another city with the kids without telling him... yep, I'm super vindictive though. And I don't suppose my husband's credit suddenly being ruined, his kids disappearing, having to deal with Children's Aid... yeah, none of that would be taxing on a new marriage, you're right. Is that enough information for an intelligent introduction for you all?

[hadenough]

Get off your high horse for starters. I wasn't quoting you on anything, just generalizing - and yes, your last post (while highly defensive) did provide more detail. Yes, that's what people provide on here when they are seeking advice: DETAILS. There are a lot of experienced, knowledgable people on this forum and if you are truly seeking advice/info you should dial down your attitude a few notches. If you're simply looking to bitch, presumably you have a gf or two you can do that with (?)

[Rioe]

Two topics get people unreasonably riled up around here: new partners interfering in divorce proceedings, and undeserved spousal support.

And welcome.

[goosie77]

I wasn't looking to bitch. Nor did I say I was looking for any specific advice in this thread. It was an intro thread, with some vague back story, consistent with a "hey, I'm new here, hello!" thread. I think I have a right to be defensive when people suddenly start shitting on me like I'm the crazy 'new wife' with 'screwed up priorities' who just can't deal or some shit. And putting words in my mouth didn't help. I had no attitude in my OP. None.

What's the relevance in posting details such as those I just posted if not just to feed the vultures?

[goosie77]

Two topics get people unreasonably riled up around here: new partners interfering in divorce proceedings, and undeserved spousal support.

And welcome.

Thanks.

See, but I never said I interfered in divorce proceedings, not once. Those were assumptions that people made and immediately started attacking me. I helped my husband fight her lawyer in court regarding issues involving the kids, because he couldn't afford a lawyer. Which is why in my OP I stated that maybe I'd be able to offer some advice if I continued my stay here.

[arabian]

Being upset over someone other than the ex being involved in divorce or child custody proceedings is certainly not unreasonable. Once you pay out tens of thousands in legal bills due to that sort of interference you will see how "reasonable" it is to be upset.

Goosie - you probably aren't getting the response you expected as this is a divorce forum. The divorce you speak of wasn't yours. It was your new partner's. The divorce happened before you met him.

[arabian]

Goosie - you probably have lots of good advice for people who are in your situation. I would encourage you to start a forum or if possible a sub-forum for "new partners of divorced" or "new step-parents."

Good luck and don't believe everything you hear - it took two people to make the marriage and it took two people to break it.

[FaithandMorals]

Nope, not from Ottawa, hope that's OK!

I've been married to my husband for 2.5 years now, and it's been challenging to say the least. 90% of our issues stem from his ex and the ongoing nonsense concerning her and her trying to make his life a living hell. It's been very trying to say the least, but I tell myself to stick it out as best I can... partly because I was married once before and so I'm more committed to making things work this time. I'd hate to get divorced because of outside influences, and not because we actually can't stand each other, you know?

Anyways, I'm here for advice and maybe even to give a little if I can, as I successfully beat the ex's lawyer on 3 different occasions now in court (although unfortunately she's now hired a new lawyer who ISN'T a loser LOL ).

Glad to be here, thanks for having me!

Welcome aboard.

I hope you get advice to questions you ask about and you are able to help others. I have met people from this forum in real life and it has been helpful. I hope the same for you.

My life would be a lot easier if my ex found a new partner. Maybe we can arrange for my ex and your husband's ex to meet?

[goosie77]

Goosie - you probably aren't getting the response you expected as this is a divorce forum. The divorce you speak of wasn't yours. It was your new partner's. The divorce happened before you met him.

I'm not speaking about anyone's divorce, not to mention my husband's NON divorce since I already stated they were never married, and what happened between them years ago, I couldn't care less about. Point me to where I was talking about his divorce, please?

I joined because people on here are having issues in dealing with issues concerning children re: custody, CAS, going to court etc etc, so it's a resource in THAT regard. I don't give a crap about divorce, I'm not divorced, it's not an issue for me or for him or for his ex either.

The response I expected? How about "hi, welcome", rather than attacks based on assumptions that were incorrect? I guess that's out of the question on a DIVORCE forum?