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  • Other side does a 180 and now seeks full custody from current 50/50

    Our current 50/50 arrangement has been in place since I started the divorce proceedings more than 5 years ago. Now, that I am moving a little farther (about 15km), the ex wants to now go for full custody in an attempt to punish me and for no other purpose. The ex doesn't really even care that much for our children; he cares more about money and his possessions. However, my questions are as follows:

    1. What judge in their right mind would change what already works if NOTHING regarding the kids will change? Same school, same friends, everything?
    1.5 Don't the children get to have a voice (early teens).
    2. What are the chances that everything backfires on my ex with the VERY damaging evidence we will be presenting at the motion? I'm tempted to have a CAS worker attend the motion to hear about the really dumb things/choices he has done/makes. Most of the things....my ex doesn't even tell own lawyer about. BUT I DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!!
    3. Do the judges actually read through both sides of the motion documentation, or do they expect lawyers to give them the "Coles Notes" version?
    4. What is the likelihood that things stay as they are, and a judge orders a lawyer for the kids?
    5. What do judges think of people in the court room during the motion (they are good and will stay quiet)?
    6. Doesn't existing law state that a long standing status quo should remain in place, particularly when it works just fine and that it is what the kids want anyway?

    Thanks

  • #2
    Originally posted by LTD_Edition View Post
    Our current 50/50 arrangement has been in place since I started the divorce proceedings more than 5 years ago. Now, that I am moving a little farther (about 15km), the ex wants to now go for full custody in an attempt to punish me and for no other purpose. The ex doesn't really even care that much for our children; he cares more about money and his possessions. However, my questions are as follows:

    1. What judge in their right mind would change what already works if NOTHING regarding the kids will change? Same school, same friends, everything? Chances are he will not get full custody, but he has the right to ask.
    1.5 Don't the children get to have a voice (early teens). Yes, sometimes children can voice their opinion and that is taken into account.
    2. What are the chances that everything backfires on my ex with the VERY damaging evidence we will be presenting at the motion? I'm tempted to have a CAS worker attend the motion to hear about the really dumb things/choices he has done/makes. Most of the things....my ex doesn't even tell own lawyer about. BUT I DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!!
    Don't get CAS involved, they do very little and it just causes more upset. Try to stay civil, the judge ususally sides with the party that stays reasonable and civil. Direct to the point, relivient information only.
    3. Do the judges actually read through both sides of the motion documentation, or do they expect lawyers to give them the "Coles Notes" version?
    For a motion to change they will get the coles notes from the lawyers until Trial.
    4. What is the likelihood that things stay as they are, and a judge orders a lawyer for the kids?
    Depends on what your current arraingement is exactly and why he can't make it work, you have a pretty good chance of things staying the same if he's only moving a few blocks.
    5. What do judges think of people in the court room during the motion (they are good and will stay quiet)?
    They see so many people, I'm sure each individual staying quiet makes little to no impression on the judge.
    6. Doesn't existing law state that a long standing status quo should remain in place, particularly when it works just fine and that it is what the kids want anyway?
    Yes, it should remain in place but that doesn't stop him from having the right to ask that it be changed. I was told he can bring it back to court as often as 6 months after each case (I'm defending his 3rd motion to change)
    Thanks
    Good luck

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the response. Good feedback!
      I know most of this is luck, the judge you happen to get, and whichever way the wind blows on that day.
      However, it is unfortunate that lots of effort goes into producing the motion and replies, and the jusges don't even take the time to read them.
      Well, we'll soon know the outcome in the less than three weeks.

      Comment


      • #4
        Are you going to trial in 3 weeks or just presenting the motion and responce?

        Comment


        • #5
          The ex is presenting their motion and me my response in just under 3 weeks. The move will occur a few weeks after their motion.

          Comment


          • #6
            Also, where you state:
            "I was told he can bring it back to court as often as 6 months after each case (I'm defending his 3rd motion to change)."

            I have a few questions:
            1. When does the court draw the line here.......what a waste of court time and your money.
            2. If your ex has a failed attempt (3 actually), if nothing changes within the 6 months (circumstances), then when why is your ex repeatedly allowed to waste everyone's time and money? (What a bitter ex you have. Perhaps yours and mine should get together for a tea or coffee).
            3. Again, why do the courts permit this?

            Comment


            • #7
              The courts permit this because they make MONEY lots of MONEY from disputes. Plain and simple!!!

              Comment


              • #8
                They (the courts) make money? Or do you mean the courts make some, but lawyers make much much more. Perhaps I chould have been a lawyer. At least I would have been an honest one....Is therei such a thing?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Think of the courts as stadium for a professional sports team, paid for by the taxpayers. Think of the lawyers as the athletes that compete in the stadium. Think of yourself as the spectator that gets to pay thousands of net dollars to watch the spectacle. Oh! and the team is called 'the family court raptors.

                  Judges earn over $250,000 per year ( definitely in the 1% of income earners in this country).

                  Lawyers bill $350.00 to $800.00 per hour ( A Canadian neurosurgeon typically invoices the government $ $350.00 per hour)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by LTD_Edition View Post
                    Our current 50/50 arrangement has been in place since I started the divorce proceedings more than 5 years ago. Now, that I am moving a little farther (about 15km), the ex wants to now go for full custody
                    Just to clarify:
                    - You currently have joint custody (i.e. joint decision-making on major issues), and split time roughly 50-50
                    - your ex now wants sole custody?
                    - your ex now wants more than 60% time?

                    Separate these 2 requests...
                    - If you've been able to cooperate sufficiently to make joint decisions for the last 5 years, then living 15kms apart will not affect that. Joint Custody will still work.
                    - If you can make your 50-50 schedule work without spending too much time in transit (especially on school nights), then again there is no reason to change it - or perhaps you can suggest some minor changes?

                    What SPECIFIC reasons to you think he might make for saying the current schedule or decision-making arrangements will break down?

                    What changes do YOU think would be required as a result of moving 15kms away? i.e. YOU should come up with a plan to ensure it works. (and perhaps there are no changes needed...)

                    Whose address will be used to determine school catchment areas i.e. would the kids change schools? That might be the big issue in his mind.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by LTD_Edition View Post
                      Also, where you state:
                      "I was told he can bring it back to court as often as 6 months after each case (I'm defending his 3rd motion to change)."

                      I have a few questions:
                      1. When does the court draw the line here.......what a waste of court time and your money.
                      2. If your ex has a failed attempt (3 actually), if nothing changes within the 6 months (circumstances), then when why is your ex repeatedly allowed to waste everyone's time and money? (What a bitter ex you have. Perhaps yours and mine should get together for a tea or coffee).
                      3. Again, why do the courts permit this?
                      You may not get any results at your first appearance. My ex can bring anything to court he wants, it's his right, it is a big waste of tax payers money! If he does it too many times I can ask the judge to issue an order that he must get the courts permission to take me to court again.
                      (I love the coffee idea lol)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        1. What judge in their right mind would change what already works if NOTHING regarding the kids will change? Same school, same friends, everything?

                        If the school isn't changing, that is in your favour, but is the school in the ex's neighbourhood then? You won't be able to keep the same school if neither of you live in the area. You will have to give the ex primary residence status to ensure the children don't have to move schools from the sounds of it. You aren't giving a lot of detail about this.

                        15km is managable if you both live in a rual area and you are driving along empty concession roads without a lot of stop lights.

                        If you are in a busy urban area and you are 15km on opposite sides of the city, yes it is a big deal, you are looking at a long commute during rush hour to get the kids back and forth to school. Depending on your location this is a significant issue and a MATERIAL CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCE.

                        1.5 Don't the children get to have a voice (early teens).

                        The judge will not allow the children into court to testify if that is what you mean. In an extreme situation the judge may ask to interview the children privately, or call in the OCL. Most times you would swear an affidavit that the child wish such-and-such, and then attach a letter from the child indicating their wishes. Judges do not approve of dragging children into the conflict.

                        2. What are the chances that everything backfires on my ex with the VERY damaging evidence we will be presenting at the motion? I'm tempted to have a CAS worker attend the motion to hear about the really dumb things/choices he has done/makes. Most of the things....my ex doesn't even tell own lawyer about. BUT I DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!!

                        Honestly, this sounds like crap. If there is damaging evidence that the CAS is aware of, then the CAS should be acting against the father already. If they arent, then there is no case and nothing for them to be there for. Their job isnt to attend court and listen to your complaints against your ex.

                        Documenting complaints against your ex CAN work against you. It would show that the two of you are not co-operative and unable to co-parent, it could be the impetus to get a ruling against joint custody.

                        Meanwhile Im sure if your ex followed you around your house all day he would find evidence that you are not perfect. None of us are so I doubt you never make a mistake.

                        3. Do the judges actually read through both sides of the motion documentation, or do they expect lawyers to give them the "Coles Notes" version?

                        Judges read the motions, they may not read every page of documentation. For example you may have pages of attendence records from schools to prove a point. They will read your argument but not every sheet of evidence, unless the other side brings it into dispute.

                        4. What is the likelihood that things stay as they are, and a judge orders a lawyer for the kids?

                        It depends on your exs arguments and impact of the 15km move. If he can show that it causes a material change that affects the kids then things may change.

                        Its highly unlikely that a judge will order a lawyer for the kids at a motion hearing. The matter may be considered to complex for a motion and sent to trial. Then a childrens lawyer might be appointed.

                        It takes two to escalate a conflict to that point. You need to have a reasonable offer in place solve the conflict. That could be offering primary residence to the father, meaning the school district would remain in his neighbourhood. Adjusting the schedule so that you retain within 60-40 but the childrens schedule allows them to spend most school nights at their dads.

                        5. What do judges think of people in the court room during the motion (they are good and will stay quiet)?

                        You mean people other than you and your ex, there are people attending all the time, waiting for their own motion or just watching.

                        6. Doesn't existing law state that a long standing status quo should remain in place, particularly when it works just fine and that it is what the kids want anyway?

                        The law doesn`t state that, most existing court decisions follow that precedent. The turning point is if there is a material change in circumstance, then status quo is out the window. At that point the judge will apply the best interest of the children, which will usually be stability, meaning staying at the existing school, neighbourhood, friends, activities, etc.

                        You will claim the move wont affect them, your ex will claim that it does. It comes down to who has the most persuasive argument and the most factual examples.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I strongly believe that the ex has mental issures and does everything for spite, which will backfire this time I'm sure. (Can I request a psych evaluation?????)
                          We currently have 50/50 and the ex now wants 90/10. It's all about the money to the ex. The ex is not so interested in the kids; spite and money drive this disturbed individual.
                          In my case:
                          * kids are not changing schools
                          * no activities change
                          * they keep the same friends
                          Nothing changes except the location of the house, which is not that far - 12 to 15 more min away from where we curently reside.

                          As for the specific reasons, SPITE and MONEY. My motion reply clearly states a number of facts that negate all of the ex's points, and the ex even has lots of false/incorrect information in their motion, purposely placed their to help influence their side, such as kids being involved in activities that they are not nor do they want to be, distances (google maps link we've got on our side), as well as suggesting "failings" on my side, which never occurred. All proveable and all documented. But, we'll have to see whether the judge actually reads these motion things and their corresponding replies.
                          I guess it all comes down to the judge....and I've come across a few doozies in this nightmare.

                          Comment

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