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  • Spousal Support

    Usually, I have a problem with spousal support, except in cases where it is warranted. I have heard of women that just basically sit around and collect the support and that's it. they make no effort to get off their butts and make their life better for themselves. There are jobs out there and anyone with any incentive and motivation will be able to secure one. ( In my mind anyways) Here's the deal....At one point I worked in the banking industry probably for 15 years ( I would be retiring from that this year had I stayed with it) but left that to work with the Family Business. I also had a Nursing Degree. Let my license renewal lapse about 8 years ago ( wouldn't be needing that!!!!) So have worked in the FB for 26 years. My lawyer is advising me to stay with the FB until business matters are settled and payment in hand and spousal support arranged. I will possibly be relocating to an area where I am not known. I am 50 years young. My ex is saying that he will pay me my regular cheque from the FB which I no longer have an interest in past V date, while I look for another job. Then he will pay me the difference between the two to equal what I make now. We had been married 26 years. I contributed immensely to this business. I have told him I do not want support from him forever. I want to move forward but I do want the support until I have myself established. My kids are grown and on their own.
    Child support is not an issue. Between the two of us we have drafted an agreement which both lawyers are looking over. My lawyer has suggested support till 2010. Then the option for review by either party. There would also be a provision for review by either party should there be a material change in circumstances. The review date would remain whether a material change with either party had happened or not. I drive 550 km per week to go to work to manage the office for my ex and his woman. It costs me approx 300$ per month in fuel for my vehicle to go to work and back. Not to mention what the wear and tear is on my vehicle. He still has the business. He still works in the job he knows and loves. He makes a fine living.
    Am I being unreasonable asking for a few years of support? I would love to hear your comments! I would welcome input from both mens and womans perspectives. (Sorry I was sooooo long winded)

  • #2
    I don't think you are being unreasonable at all... Granted I don't know the particulars of your business- what is it worth? if you are signing over your interest in it in exchange for a paycheque for a couple of years- that doesn't sound like a great deal for you. Then again - is it worth anything? You might want to get it appraised and have him buy your half out. Might be a better deal for you. Plus at that point you may still have a claim for support as well based on his income and your income. don't know if this answered your question at all or raised more issues but food for thought.

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    • #3
      Jenny: I guess I wan't very clear. But In my message I indicated that my lawyer wants me to stay until business matters are settled and I have payment in hand and have spousal support ARRANGED. As long as I am still employed in the FB I expect to have a pay cheque. I have had for 3 years since v date. It was either a paycheque or support. I have worked 45 hour weeks for that paycheque as well. So what I am saying is that I am not signing over my 1/2 interest for a paycheck for 2 years. When I am finished and don't have a paycheque anymore, support will kick in at which point I then take my life in a different direction, starting over from scratch, having to recreate myself in the work force at 50.

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      • #4
        Jenny: I guess I wan't very clear. But In my message I indicated that my lawyer wants me to stay until business matters are settled and I have payment in hand and have spousal support ARRANGED. As long as I am still employed in the FB I expect to have a pay cheque. I have had for 3 years since v date. It was either a paycheque or support. I have worked 45 hour weeks for that paycheque as well. So what I am saying is that I am not signing over my 1/2 interest for a paycheck for 2 years. When I am finished and don't have a paycheque anymore, support will kick in at which point I then take my life in a different direction, starting over from scratch, having to recreate myself in the work force at 50.

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        • #5
          Oh man. I have this on twice. Sorry for that....

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Amber
            Oh man. I have this on twice. Sorry for that....
            Just ensure it don't happen again ok!

            Hubby

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            • #7
              For sure!!!!

              Hubby... I like reading what you have to say. I would welcome your comments on my thread.

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              • #8
                Amber,

                Each and everyones situation on spousal support is different. If you've been married a long time, have sacraficed your life for the family and business. Then I'd say yes go for what you are entitled too according to the law ...

                Lawyers advice seems sound ... after all you are entitled to a portion of the business.

                One thing I have learned in life, not everything lasts forever. Support at one time will vanish ... use your time wisely between now and then. From what I've taken from your post this is your intention and if so, you will do just fine.

                Hubby

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                • #9
                  Jenny: I guess I wan't very clear. But In my message I indicated that my lawyer wants me to stay until business matters are settled and I have payment in hand and have spousal support ARRANGED. As long as I am still employed in the FB I expect to have a pay cheque. I have had for 3 years since v date. It was either a paycheque or support. I have worked 45 hour weeks for that paycheque as well. So what I am saying is that I am not signing over my 1/2 interest for a paycheck for 2 years. When I am finished and don't have a paycheque anymore, support will kick in at which point I then take my life in a different direction, starting over from scratch, having to recreate myself in the work force at 50.

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                  • #10
                    Oh no! I did it again. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong to post the same message multiple times.

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                    • #11
                      Amber

                      I agree with Hubby. It sounds as though you've made a lot of sacrifice and although I think spousal support should not be an automatic entitlement just because ppl were married, I do believe that when one partner has done the things you have, there is indeed merit in that entitlement.

                      In my case, my ex is 43 years old and has done nothing with her life. Yes, she has cared for our 6 year old, but the woman is 43 which means that during the course of our marriage when she was not child rearing, 15 years, she did nothing to contribute to the finances. In my particular case, the whole concept of spousal support being a compensation to the spouse for their sacrifice of their own careers and education to further mine, is not the case. She chose not to do anything to help herself or to help our poor
                      financial situation. She continues to do this and as a result, I will probably never get back on my feet. Had my ex worked and contributed to the finances I would feel that she should get spousal support to help her get back on her feet. I would have respect for that...and respect for her need to better herself.

                      It seems that in your situation you did make sacrifice and I believe you should be compensated for that. Don't forget, you worked hard and long....the breakdown of the marriage is putting you in a position where there will be major change in your security. It sounds as though your lawyer is keeping that in mind and probably giving you advice based on what he/she thinks you really do deserve.

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                      • #12
                        Hubby and Gooddadgoingmad.....Thanks for your input. I really needed to hear a man's perspective on this. My kids are as I have said, grown and on their own. I have tried not to bring them into our problems with this separation. Not once have I bad mouthed their dad, or his new partner(whom was a friend) I have at all times remained neutral. My thinking was that they had enough concerns of their own, with dealing with the separation. If they have had questions, I have tried to answer them in general, giving only the information I think they needed. I have not given answers that provided dollar information, nor answers that would lead them to think badly of the other parties. On two separate occassions, my kids have asked why I am going for support? (Now, where would they get that information if I didn't supply it??????) They said they don't believe in it. I pointed out that my life is having to change. I have to start all over again. I will enter the job force at a much lesser salary. On, and on, and on. Anyways, I said not to worry. It wasn't their problem and that their dad will be just fine. I really hate when this topic comes up and I don't know how to handle it with them anymore.

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                        • #13
                          Amber,

                          I'm in a similar situation with a family owned business. Are you not entitled to 50% of the business? Has it been valued? I would think that he would have to buy you out. You could then use your portion of the money to open your own business with all your past experience. Just a thought.

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                          • #14
                            Thanks Grace: It has been evaluated and you're right in that it is 50% mine. Funny thing that you mention starting my own business. I have had the same thought. I had a lot of thoughts!!!! When we first separated, someone close to me suggested I get the separation done and get it done quickly. So far its been 3 years and you know in hindsight, I'm not so sure I was in the frame of mind at that point to stand up for my rights against my ex. so far as business matters were concerned. If anything good has come from this taking soooooo long, it is that I am a much stronger person today than I was 3 years ago. I have more knowledge of what my rights are, and with counselling, I have the tools I need to be a stonger person and believe in myself and demand better for myself. It feel's so good. I am by no means at the end of this separation mess, but I do have to say there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's feeling better, and I am feeling more in control. It's taken a long time though. I wish I had known about this site from the beginning. Everyone is so helpful and soooooo supportive. To anyone else reading this that is just starting into a separation or divorce, just hang on. The bad days get better and eventually there are more good days than bad. Just take one day at a time and be good to yourself. Surround yourself with a great support system of family and friends. You need to have proper rest and nourishment, and exercise. I have discover my faith as well. Who would have thought. But it has been a great comfort!! Should you be reading this you have discovered this wonderful "family" on Ottawa divorce.com forums.

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                            • #15
                              Separated!!

                              Hi there i'm new to this and was wondering if anyone new how long you have to try for spousel support ?? I would appreciate anyones knowledge of this!!

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