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  • Denial off access

    Today, my ex's father decided to deny access of my son to my spouse who had come to pick him up for his scheduled over-night switch day visit. I need some advise on how to proceed.

  • #2
    I received an email on Sunday night from my ex stating that my son was sick and would not be attending school, which is fine. Last night I got another email from my ex, asking to arrange pick-up of my son stating that he had stayed with her father as she need to go to work. We had made arrangements to have him dropped off at a half way point, at my spouses work.

    Today, we received another email stating that my son was still sick and that he was going to a doctors appointment with my ex's father. After getting that email, my spouse left work and traveled to the doctor's office to meet my ex's father and pick-up my son.

    My spouse stayed for the appointment and was told by my ex's father afterward that my son was not coming home with her.

    This is the first time I have been denied access by my ex however she has threatened it before.

    My question to you is what do I do about this?

    Comment


    • #3
      Option one: Wait for court (settlement conference in January 2011)
      Option two: Travel back down tonight to pick him up in person? --with or without the help of the police.

      Comment


      • #4
        Pharah,
        Ug... you must be SO frustrated.

        Put rinse repeat in the search box and look for HammerDad's posts. He states what to do in this situation very simply.

        Good luck

        Comment


        • #5
          If your spouse witnessed the child going to the doctors and you have had no other real issues regarding access or denial etc, then maybe the doctor suggested to child return home and stay put. I think you should just let it be for this time.
          Children especially when not feeling well, go from really sick, to feeling better to being sick again.
          I would just let it be. They could produce a letter from the doctor showing the child was sick so that might backfire.
          Choose your battles wisely.

          Comment


          • #6
            They can deny your spouse, they CANNOT deny YOU, especially if you have a court order.

            The ex's father has NO authority over the issue at all. Go pick the kid up in person, send an email to the ex outlining the issues and that from now on you and SHE must do the exchanges as obviously her father is interfering.

            Comment


            • #7
              The child isn't feeling well...

              How is it in his "best interests" to be dragged away by the police?

              I agree with Tug... let the child rest, and send off an email with the intent to make arrangements for a make-up access time.

              I am not trying to trivialize your situation, but one missed exchange, due to illness, is hardly a "denial of access".

              Comment


              • #8
                I agree with Tug and RS. Acknowledge that the child was ill and request make-up access. That is the mature and responsible thing to do. If you go over there with guns a-blazin then you are going to get burned! Does your sick child really need to be dealing with this right now?

                Comment


                • #9
                  My Spouse attended the doctors appointment and although my son was not ready to return to school his symptoms did not merit her being denied access to him. That said, you are right, getting the police involved will not help anyone.

                  Thanks all for keeping me sane.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I guess the real question is how to avoid this in the future using a parallel parenting model and a switch day?

                    Our case is in settlement and my ex had agreed to settle. Not sure how to word this one in the offer...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      If this is the first time something like this happened, then just let it go. It's one day or one access. If it continues with other excuses etc then make an issue of it. I don't understand the issue here.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        you are looking at extraordinary circumstances. I doubt that the pick up will be with ex's father regularly, this was only because the child was sick.

                        You could work it so that in the event of extenuating circumstances (ie illness or bad weather, that your spouse (or preferred family member) be allowed to pick up/ drop off child on your behalf (or ex-spouse's behalf).

                        We have written consent at my daughter's daycare for either my mom or ex's sister to also be allowed to pick her up if they are notified first. You have to have a back-up plan, but get it written in.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          TOW: This is not the first time it has happened. This was also an issue in the summer.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            bill: He regularly goes to my ex's fathers (every other weekend and for weeks at a time during the summer) and it has been an issue for both transportation and access. This is why I have already made provision in my settlement offer for this but it doesn't suit all situations. And I guess it doesn't matter if she's going to do what she wants anyway...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Pharah View Post
                              TOW: This is not the first time it has happened. This was also an issue in the summer.
                              Same reason? Child was sick? Do you have a clause stating the if child is sick then access etc will not go forward?

                              2 instances still doesn't make it a big issue. I don't know how old your children are, or who they would prefer to be with when they are sick. Usually one parent or the other are more comforting during the time they are not feeling well. Not to take offense to that.

                              I know whenever I was sick, I didn't want anyone else other than my mother and wanted to be bed. I can't imagine having to be shipped off somewhere else to have anyone else look after me. Maybe that's just my opinion or my experience but sometimes we need to step back and remember what it was like when we were that age.

                              Comment

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