This is a very long, complicated story so I'm going to try to shorten it as much as I can. My ex and I had a good relationship, and then toward the end he started acting aggressively(physically to others, emotionally to me). Fights happened, people got upset, etc. We broke up and I was pregnant. He threatened me once during an argument after the breakup, and my mother advised me to phone the police to make sure he left me alone. A report was made and he was warned..
I spoke briefly to a shelter who gave me advice on how to get a restraining order if needed, but since nothing was happening I didn't pursue that.
Now, months passed uneventful. He called my mother every now and then for updates on the pregnancy but did leave me alone. I spoke to him after quite a few months, and again nothing eventful happened. There was an issue around him getting upset over an ultrasound, and refusing to pay for it so we went without him. But his mother started calling my mother and telling her all these scary stories about how threatening he was, and how we needed to be afraid and never be alone with him.
I didn't see any signs myself that he would ever hurt us but being pregnant and anxious his mother's continued calls started to scare me. She was calling almost daily telling my mother all these terrible things he had said to her and how she felt he would hurt the baby if he was ever alone with him. So I called the local CAS(who had been briefly involved after the police were called earlier in the pregnancy) to ask their advice, and was told it was best to get a restraining order to protect the baby and go for full custody and supervised access for him.
So, I took the advice, got a lawyer, went to court uncontested and the order was quickly made. When the baby was born I went back to court asking for full custody, and his access to be supervised at my discretion. The judge extended the restraining order for FIVE years, preventing him from contacting me except during access, and even sent my lawyer a letter advising that we apply the restraining order to the baby as well. She also somehow decided on access being supervised at my mother's house, and at my MOTHER'S discretion.
This was all really overwhelming for me, I have social anxiety and my lawyers really didn't keep me posted on anything during the process. I was only there for the court date and my lawyer read one or two sentences but since my ex didn't show up, they granted the order right away without listening to the case. I was shocked, honestly, when the judge made it five years, based on the fact that most of the papers were documenting some things during the relationship and then months worth of things his mother said that scared my family. Plus, my lawyer in the beginning had told me that the restraining order would only be for 6-12 months and that they were never longer than that.
Anyways.. fast forward to now.. baby is one and a half, his dad has been coming around without a single incident, and I have come to know his mother loves to start drama all the time and is always telling these crazy stories about his behaviour that don't add up to what I saw in the past or what I've seen during access. Honestly, his visits are really friendly and we all sit around chatting and laughing and he plays with the baby and is really good with him.
So, now I want to file the papers to change the restraining order to say he is just not to "harass or threaten us", and change his access to "at my discretion". He wants to go out with the baby and I, and I feel bad that the order is now blocking him from bonding more with his child. I feel like I, too, can't even contact him to send pics of the baby or keep him posted on illnesses or whatever, because I'm afraid I could be seen as violating the order and have CAS investigate or something nerve-wracking like that.
How hard is it to change a restraining order to less than it is? Is it possible that the judge would reject it?
I spoke briefly to a shelter who gave me advice on how to get a restraining order if needed, but since nothing was happening I didn't pursue that.
Now, months passed uneventful. He called my mother every now and then for updates on the pregnancy but did leave me alone. I spoke to him after quite a few months, and again nothing eventful happened. There was an issue around him getting upset over an ultrasound, and refusing to pay for it so we went without him. But his mother started calling my mother and telling her all these scary stories about how threatening he was, and how we needed to be afraid and never be alone with him.
I didn't see any signs myself that he would ever hurt us but being pregnant and anxious his mother's continued calls started to scare me. She was calling almost daily telling my mother all these terrible things he had said to her and how she felt he would hurt the baby if he was ever alone with him. So I called the local CAS(who had been briefly involved after the police were called earlier in the pregnancy) to ask their advice, and was told it was best to get a restraining order to protect the baby and go for full custody and supervised access for him.
So, I took the advice, got a lawyer, went to court uncontested and the order was quickly made. When the baby was born I went back to court asking for full custody, and his access to be supervised at my discretion. The judge extended the restraining order for FIVE years, preventing him from contacting me except during access, and even sent my lawyer a letter advising that we apply the restraining order to the baby as well. She also somehow decided on access being supervised at my mother's house, and at my MOTHER'S discretion.
This was all really overwhelming for me, I have social anxiety and my lawyers really didn't keep me posted on anything during the process. I was only there for the court date and my lawyer read one or two sentences but since my ex didn't show up, they granted the order right away without listening to the case. I was shocked, honestly, when the judge made it five years, based on the fact that most of the papers were documenting some things during the relationship and then months worth of things his mother said that scared my family. Plus, my lawyer in the beginning had told me that the restraining order would only be for 6-12 months and that they were never longer than that.
Anyways.. fast forward to now.. baby is one and a half, his dad has been coming around without a single incident, and I have come to know his mother loves to start drama all the time and is always telling these crazy stories about his behaviour that don't add up to what I saw in the past or what I've seen during access. Honestly, his visits are really friendly and we all sit around chatting and laughing and he plays with the baby and is really good with him.
So, now I want to file the papers to change the restraining order to say he is just not to "harass or threaten us", and change his access to "at my discretion". He wants to go out with the baby and I, and I feel bad that the order is now blocking him from bonding more with his child. I feel like I, too, can't even contact him to send pics of the baby or keep him posted on illnesses or whatever, because I'm afraid I could be seen as violating the order and have CAS investigate or something nerve-wracking like that.
How hard is it to change a restraining order to less than it is? Is it possible that the judge would reject it?
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