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what to do when u want out and spouse doesn't?

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  • what to do when u want out and spouse doesn't?

    For the past six months I have been asking my spouse for a separation agreement. Every time I speak or ask about it he gets very hostile. Breaks things around the home. I would like to remain in the home until arragements can be made. I make no income since I am a stay at home mother.
    My job is caring for my children and keeping up with my home. I have tried so hard for so long with no avail. I feel trapped and with no income it's not easy! What advice can you give me, so I may get him to sign without the ugliness? We have 3 children and I worry that the exposure will have some affects on them. I have tried to be as amicable as possible and he just won't agree!! Where can I go to get the help I need to get this started?

  • #2
    You have been posting on this forum since February 2011 and received plenty of advice. In reviewing your previous posts I remain confused. You have had legal advice in the past and had negotiated a separation agreement had you not?

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    • #3
      One of the things you need to do is to establish an actual separation date.

      This can happen while he is in the same house, as long as you can establish that on that date, you stopped living as husband and wife; not sleeping in the same bed or having physical relations, and one of you expressing the desire to no longer be married.

      It will be difficult no doubt.

      You should seek the advice of a lawyer. You can often consult with one for an hour for free. If you have no income you may qualify for legal aid.

      You may want to grab a sample separation from here or elsewhere and start to fill in the blanks so that you have something to present to him to show serious intent.

      You probably want to get a recording device so you can capture these outbursts.

      You may want to seek counselling, these things can take a toll on you as well as the kids.

      You probably want to start getting your finances in order, establishing separate bank accounts. You may want to start valuing your assets.

      It is a long road. Good luck.

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      • #4
        Since you are a stay at home mother with no income of your own, you could probably apply for legal aid. Once you have retained a lawyer he/she will help you get things started.

        For now I would suggest that you not try negotiating with your spouse if all it does is make him aggressive. Neither of you should sign anything until you have had your agreement looked over by a lawyer - to do otherwise would be foolish and probably would not stand up in court.

        If the bad behavior escalates, call a women's shelter - stay safe.

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        • #5
          I believe the OP is a male (check 2012 posts) and would therefore be ineligible to go to a women's shelter.

          I remain quite confused.

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          • #6
            I also suggest you go out a find a job ... any job. Timmy's, McDonalds, a shipper/receiver at a warehouse.

            Bottom line is your a grown adult and need to support yourself AND the children you helped create.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I believe the OP is a male (check 2012 posts) and would therefore be ineligible to go to a women's shelter.

              I remain quite confused.
              True enough, in earlier 2012 posts, 'she' mentions her girlfriend?
              Let me off at the next stop .............. (I really should check earlier posts before responding.)

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              • #8
                When people start switching their genders I really have to wonder... although it is entirely possible, I suppose, that we would have some transgender people who log in from time to time. There was a notable time gap from the OP's previous posts. Perhaps he/she is post-op?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  When people start switching their genders I really have to wonder... although it is entirely possible, I suppose, that we would have some transgender people who log in from time to time. There was a notable time gap from the OP's previous posts. Perhaps he/she is post-op?
                  I agree, anything is possible in ODF - now please let me off. (Never trust a naked bus driver!!!)

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                  • #10
                    to the op could you clarify what is going on??? Like other posters have mentioned, your story isn't making sense based on previous posts.

                    Ottawa Divorce .com Forums - View Single Post - Spousal Support - Length of time help

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