Here's my story - or at least my version of 'our' story:
I've been married for 27 years to a man with severe anger issues... In the course of our relationship I have tried my best to be understanding and supportive of everything he did.
We built our home ourselves, he is a construction worker and I was the 'mom' in the traditional sense. In all the years that we were together, I never asked for much, was careful with the family budget, was a good mother.
Over the years, I have had to leave him and stay in domestic violence shelters several times as my husband has anger issues and would be aggressive towards me. I never pressed charges and would forgive him with the hopes that he would calm down. Although things were far from perfect, I wanted this marriage to work and to raise our son together. (till death do us part - I know, I know!)
Last year the violence got so intense that my neighbors called 911 and my STBX was arrested and criminal charges were made. The police kept him in jail for 5 days and when released he was prevented from coming back home. Now there is a non-contact order and I have been living in the family home alone since then, doing my best to keep things going.
I know that I am in denial - I still want to work on this marriage, I still have feelings for him. My lawyer insists that I have nothing to do with him.
I don't want my ex to go to jail - what good would that do him or myself?
The courts don't care about domestic violence, no fault divorce and all that, so this whole process seems a waste of time to me as it won't help the ex with his anger issues by rotting in a jail?
I have no family left and the shame of it all keps me isolated from others. I'm very fearfull for the future ... My self-esteem is hanging by a thread and I'm feeling hopeless.
I'm trying to find work - any work but since I have zero experience and am 55, it will take a while before I find something. A judge ordered temporary spousal support and our home is 'luckily' paid for.
I asked for mediation to try to settle our divorce in a fair way, it was refused. I suggested therapy for both of us, it was refused. My ex is very bitter and blames me for all this mess ...
I don't know what more I can do, it seems hopeless. After all these years together I'm still willing to try to save things as I don't feel that divorce is the answer. Neither of us is seeing anyone else. Neither of us will benefit from a divorce - we will both loose.
So many men and woman have abused the system to the extent that 'real' domestic violence cases get no help at all.
We need help, not a divorce ... tell that to the lawyers who are bleeding him dry and making my life even more stressful than it was when I was being abused?
I would appreciate your comments as it is obvious that I don't have a clue
Jan
I've been married for 27 years to a man with severe anger issues... In the course of our relationship I have tried my best to be understanding and supportive of everything he did.
We built our home ourselves, he is a construction worker and I was the 'mom' in the traditional sense. In all the years that we were together, I never asked for much, was careful with the family budget, was a good mother.
Over the years, I have had to leave him and stay in domestic violence shelters several times as my husband has anger issues and would be aggressive towards me. I never pressed charges and would forgive him with the hopes that he would calm down. Although things were far from perfect, I wanted this marriage to work and to raise our son together. (till death do us part - I know, I know!)
Last year the violence got so intense that my neighbors called 911 and my STBX was arrested and criminal charges were made. The police kept him in jail for 5 days and when released he was prevented from coming back home. Now there is a non-contact order and I have been living in the family home alone since then, doing my best to keep things going.
I know that I am in denial - I still want to work on this marriage, I still have feelings for him. My lawyer insists that I have nothing to do with him.
I don't want my ex to go to jail - what good would that do him or myself?
The courts don't care about domestic violence, no fault divorce and all that, so this whole process seems a waste of time to me as it won't help the ex with his anger issues by rotting in a jail?
I have no family left and the shame of it all keps me isolated from others. I'm very fearfull for the future ... My self-esteem is hanging by a thread and I'm feeling hopeless.
I'm trying to find work - any work but since I have zero experience and am 55, it will take a while before I find something. A judge ordered temporary spousal support and our home is 'luckily' paid for.
I asked for mediation to try to settle our divorce in a fair way, it was refused. I suggested therapy for both of us, it was refused. My ex is very bitter and blames me for all this mess ...
I don't know what more I can do, it seems hopeless. After all these years together I'm still willing to try to save things as I don't feel that divorce is the answer. Neither of us is seeing anyone else. Neither of us will benefit from a divorce - we will both loose.
So many men and woman have abused the system to the extent that 'real' domestic violence cases get no help at all.
We need help, not a divorce ... tell that to the lawyers who are bleeding him dry and making my life even more stressful than it was when I was being abused?
I would appreciate your comments as it is obvious that I don't have a clue
Jan
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