Some Advice please!

[Sausy41]

Advice please

Hello all, I'm new to the forum and need an advice on a divorce matter, my Stbx and i were married for 12 years with 2 kids, 2 years ago I told her i wanted out after an argument where she accused me of infidelity and where she provoked me to want to hit her, i continued to stay in the same home separately while paying all the bills including fuel in her car i had bought and was still paying for, because she was going to school and she had no skills to survive on.

My business started to fail a few months before i told her wanted out of the marriage, but i still continued to carry the costs of the home by my self, a year ago I suggested the house be sold which turned to a battle until 2 months ago when she completed her schooling and agreed to sell the house, since the sale of the home she has rejected her legal aid lawyer claiming her lawyer studied under my lawyer so she does not trust her legal advice, she then decided not to continue with negotiations with regards to custody and the equalization of marital asset, i am having a hard time to see my kids, she finds all the excuses in the world to prevent me from seeing them, so i decided to work according to the draft agreement where i have the kids 4 days and she 10 days every other week, i did that once but the next time she met me at their school where she caused a seen by yelling and claiming i was taking her kids away which caused some by standing parents to call the cops, i walked away without taking my kids for the weekend, 2 weeks after sending her a message 3 days prior advising her i will be picking the kids from school on a Friday which she did not reply btw, when i got to their school on the Friday, as i was trying to get the kids one of the teachers was calling her, i know, i have equal rights to the children just as she does so they should only call her if they have some kind of court Oder stating those instructions correct me if am wrong please, I don't have money for court so i have decided not to fight for or about the kids i know it sounds cold but their mental well being is more important, but i will like my half of the equity since the home has been sold, please what can i do?

I did try to do this separation collaboratively but that has failed as you can read, after $12000 out of pocket so far.

I will like to file for a divorce in the new year on my own at the court house.

Should i ask my lawyer for all the financial information i have paid for him to prepare so far and is that normally done?

[trinton]

you said you hit her. Were the police called? Did you get charged? If you did hit her, she is a victim of domestic violence and can use that against you.

If she let you see your kids after you hit her, she obviously wasn't that afraid of you but generally victim of domestic violence will say they let you see your kids because of intimidation.

You can go pickup your kids from school first thing tomorrow, there is no law that says you can't see your kid. You're equally entitled to them and to sole custody. Unless the courts rule otherwise at a trial (very expensive). or unless you go to court and she gets a restraining order against you and interim custody, etc. and orders you to pay child support until everything is figured out.

living in same house? separate homes?

Call the law society and arrange a free 30 min consult with a lawyer, if you don't like what he tells you, thank him for his time and leave, I had a lawyer once tell me I would not get more than 30minute visits once a week at a mcdonalds, the next lawyer said I could expect equal access.

Unless she's cut off your access for any good reason, you should be probably start by Sending her a letter by registered mail and let her know what access terms you want, friendly note. and go from there.

Of course, be as patient as well, start lining up your ducks, and wait to hear at least 4 or 5 other opinions before you make your final decision.

I would advice you to just take your kids from school everyday and keep them overnight, but not sure how that would reflect on you in the courts.

Women cut off access to kids and their fathers all the time. We've all been through it. You're not alone. Society will take her side until the judge rules she is a maniac.

[blinkandimgone]

He didn't say he hit her, he said he wanted to.

Perhaps he could clarify this before ending up with some wrong info.

[LovingFather32]

Try not to tell the judge that she provoked you to want to hit her. lol

I think I know what you mean though. A long time ago I was a t a house party (back in university). One of my friends was accused of cheating by his g/f. She did the whole pointing at her face telling him to hit her. She then slapped him 3 times very hard (left marks) telling him he was a wuss..to hit her back. Did my friend want to slap back? Sure he did ... but he didn't. Needless to say they weren't together the next day.

That kind of like what you mean?

Sounds like she has major trust issues. Doesn't trust you, her lawyer, the cat...etc. Paranoid schizophrenia perhaps (joke).

So you have a draft agreement that you have 4 days and she has 10? Was you picking kid up at school in the agreement? If not, that's why she's making a scene. How terrifying it must be for a parent to feel like a criminal for picking up their child at school on their own time....yikes. You must have been mortified.

Sounds like you need to amend your order to put more details in .. and be sure the school is cognizant of the schedule and who can pick up/drop off the kids on what days.

Not sure why you didn't want 50/50 ... you want it now or no?

[Sausy41]

No I did not hit her and yes it was the exact situation of her pushing and in my face, but I did not hit her.

In the draft I am suppose to pick them up after school on Thursday and return them back to school Monday every other week, I'm still shaken not to mention very embarrassed for the situation she put me and the children into that day.

To say she has trust issues is an understatement lol.

I did not go for 50/50 because of my work, I'm a contractor and I can never determine the end of my day, unless I leave my customers without heat or cooling to go for my kids, also due to the slow down of work in Ottawa I have had to go out of province so to have some work.

I want to move on with my life, but I don't have the money for court or can I continue to pay a lawyer $280 per hour to file for a divorce, this is why I'm looking for some helping advice.

[trinton]

No I did not hit her and yes it was the exact situation of her pushing and in my face, but I did not hit her.

In the draft I am suppose to pick them up after school on Thursday and return them back to school Monday every other week, I'm still shaken not to mention very embarrassed for the situation she put me and the children into that day.

To say she has trust issues is an understatement lol.

I did not go for 50/50 because of my work, I'm a contractor and I can never determine the end of my day, unless I leave my customers without heat or cooling to go for my kids, also due to the slow down of work in Ottawa I have had to go out of province so to have some work.

I want to move on with my life, but I don't have the money for court or can I continue to pay a lawyer $280 per hour to file for a divorce, this is why I'm looking for some helping advice.

Shows up at the school not letting you pickup your kids from school. How ridiculous can a parent possibly get. I am in the same boat bud. Can't pick her up from school. The child "HAS" to get on a bus and go to daycare. Says custodial mom. Said no proper woman ever.

Don't give up on 50/50 due to your work. hire someone else to do the work for you. Find a daycare for when you're not available. Once you have that schedule in concrete, you're living with it.

Given mom's ridiculous behavior, specifically her power trip at the child's school, I'm afraid you have to bow to the courts.

[Janus]

I did not go for 50/50 because of my work,

If only there were people who could be paid to watch children when their parents were working. That would be a most wonderful service.

As I've seen people say on this forum before, if the mother died, what would you do? Would you abandon the kids? Would you quit your job?

also due to the slow down of work in Ottawa I have had to go out of province so to have some work.

You abandoned your kids to make more money. In family law world, the net result of that decision is that you will lose your kids and your money.

I don't have money for court so i have decided not to fight for or about the kids i know it sounds cold but their mental well being is more important

That is a poor decision. You are helping neither your kids nor your pocketbook.

[Links17]

Are you going to move directly to your girlfriend's house or will you guys be finding something new together?

[Sausy41]

Are you going to move directly to your girlfriend's house or will you guys be finding something new together?

I'm not sure if you got the correct thread, I don't have a girl friend and i need my share of the houses equity in order to get my own place!

[stripes]

I think you need to make a choice. Either you want to fight for your kids, in which case you need to figure out a way to make this work with your business - the question "what would you do if your wife died?" is a good way to think about it. Obviously you would find a way to care for the kids. That's what you have to be prepared to do now.

Or you don't want to fight for your kids, which means you'll let the mom have primary custody, and you'll have to pretty much accept whatever terms she decides for when you'll see the kids.

Did she sign the draft agreement (in which she has the kids for 10 days and you have them for 4)? If so, she was out of line to get upset when you showed up to pick them up after school. But if she has not signed the draft agreement (if this is just something you sent to her, and the kids are living with her while you live somewhere else), her behavior at school, while embarrassing and difficult, was not completely wrong.

You say you believe you have equal rights to the kids, but your actions (suggesting a 10/4 schedule, wanting Mom to look after them while you're out of town) suggest something different. You need to decide if you're really willing to share custody of the kids (which will be inconvenient for you), or if you're going to let Mom have the kids and you see them occasionally at times agreed to by Mom.

Once you've decided what you really want, you'll be in a position to talk to a lawyer.