I feel so sad. I'm fighting a losing battle for the boys and I just don't know how to let go. I need to get a life, but I'm not done with my old one. I left my husband, not my kids, but i guess it comes hand in hand. I sit here one km away from my 3 year old while a nanny raises him. I don't have custody this week, so I just stew. The ex has his own business so my Right of first Refusal clause doesn't work as he goes until the time limit, comes home, then leaves again.
I'm getting destroyed over this and realize that until I move on my ex still has what seems to be total control of my life, which are the kids right now. they are so young . I fight in court and be a pain in the ass, but ultimately I don't think it's helping me, I'm on my way out.
I go get a job and let him and the nanny be that happy family? I just wanted to be a mom to my baby for the next couple years like I was to the other two, but I'm made out to be an ogre just causing grief and I'm starting to think that's true. My 3 year old has bonded to that nanny and when he's with me he calls me her name 60% of the time and the last day with me he said he wants to go home and be with her.
Ugh. How do I let it go and live with it? I'm SO angry at my ex, there was No reason to take that child from me. He's working anyway, why can't I watch the baby until he gets home? It's what he assured me would happen, but because the nanny doesn't want to be just a maid, I gotta be the one to go.
But I start to rant. Bottom line is, do I sit here and continue to fight and squeeze in anywhere I can and go bonkers when I'm alone or move on, get a job/life and come to terms that my time with that awesome little boy is cut to a 1/4.
And how can I live with either? I can't seem to see past this. I'm caught in a seriously emotional spin.
I'm getting destroyed over this and realize that until I move on my ex still has what seems to be total control of my life, which are the kids right now. they are so young . I fight in court and be a pain in the ass, but ultimately I don't think it's helping me, I'm on my way out.
I go get a job and let him and the nanny be that happy family? I just wanted to be a mom to my baby for the next couple years like I was to the other two, but I'm made out to be an ogre just causing grief and I'm starting to think that's true. My 3 year old has bonded to that nanny and when he's with me he calls me her name 60% of the time and the last day with me he said he wants to go home and be with her.
Ugh. How do I let it go and live with it? I'm SO angry at my ex, there was No reason to take that child from me. He's working anyway, why can't I watch the baby until he gets home? It's what he assured me would happen, but because the nanny doesn't want to be just a maid, I gotta be the one to go.
But I start to rant. Bottom line is, do I sit here and continue to fight and squeeze in anywhere I can and go bonkers when I'm alone or move on, get a job/life and come to terms that my time with that awesome little boy is cut to a 1/4.
And how can I live with either? I can't seem to see past this. I'm caught in a seriously emotional spin.
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