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  • Payor fleeing, any ideas?

    OK so as a last resort. I've submitted for an uncontested trial. Waiting on the judges decision.

    Any thoughts on how I can prevent this guy from fleeing?

    If he does, any way I can catch him?

    Hoping for a brainstorming session here. Please no criticism, it's been a tough road.

  • #2
    You cant stop him from fleeing. He has no orders or charges against him. You need to stop stressing yourself out and making yourself crazy. He will do what he wants until there is an order against him.

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    • #3
      My brain agrees with you. My stress level doesn't lol. This is a nightmare. How do people love through this stuff?

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      • #4
        Theres a thread on coping with stress and helpful tips. Seriously though, theres nothing you can do. Hes proven himself a deadbeat in many instances. Go through the process, get an order, file with FRO and then get on with your life. Spending your time trying to beat him or win against him or punish him or whatever will only make you crazy. You and your child deserve more than that.

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        • #5
          I survived enormous stress by being extremely angry... my anger drove me to be able to wind up our company, fight my ex on corporate, criminal and family court matters. I don't recommend that to anyone. I did what I had to do.

          After I regrouped I did what I have done in years when our business wasn't doing so well... I considered the 'worst-case scenario'...realistic personal limits of exposure and stress.... then I made a plan.

          You will find your way of coping. You very well may be in the midst of a decent plan of action right now. You are talking (on this forum) and getting feedback... many people are immobilized and so overwhelmed by things they can't get up and get dressed in the morning/afternoon. Don't be hard on yourself. Finally, be prepared for the ride of your life and to live life being the sole provider for your child(ren). I found that making lists helped me immensely. This may seem rather simplistic but I found that it was extremely rewarding to be able to cross things off my various lists.

          Focus on the really important things in life.

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          • #6
            I think what brought all this up for me, was his gf contacted me again tonight. Bloody Facebook. She told me I was stupid for having three kids, two dad's. No man would want me. That the father should not be punished via child support as he did not want me or the child.

            By me feeling attacked like this, I think it reinforced that I think he's going to take off. She's obviously okay with him cheating.

            An hour later, Facebook, random message from another girl! Asking who's child my baby was (she searched for the last name and found it in a family Factbook group). I told her. She said he asked her to go out on a date. She tried to add him to Facebook. And found me.

            I couldn't believe it

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            • #7
              Got to delete the Factbook

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              • #8
                Even if you got all the orders and FRO suspended everything he owns and an order to get rid of his Canadian passport, he will still peace. Do expect him to max-out his credit cards and credit lines before doing so.

                He's going to be living a happily ever after life in Thailand or wherever he is going, there is no reason why you shouldn't in Canada. except for the weather, and the system that drove him out of the country and out of his child's life leaving you to support the kids all on your own.
                Last edited by trinton; 01-13-2017, 11:20 PM.

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                • #9
                  He told me flat out he wants nothing to do with the child. It's so unfortunate

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                  • #10
                    I was a brief user of Facebook years ago. I find it way too intrusive. Best thing I did was to limit my use to only posts from a specific group of people from high school.

                    Don't set yourself up for shit from public stuff. Get off Facebook or limit your contacts. The world is a much better place and no, life does not revolve around social media.

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                    • #11
                      Stop caring what other people think. Who cares what they say to you, they are insignificant in your life and you shouldn't even give them a second thought.

                      There is nothing you can do to stop him from leaving. He has no orders stating he can't. All you can do is go through the court process. If he leaves then you continue the process and hope one day it catches up to him. Then you move on with your life and comes to terms with the fact this man isn't going to be in his child's life physically, emotionally and probably financially.


                      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                        Theres a thread on coping with stress and helpful tips. Seriously though, theres nothing you can do. Hes proven himself a deadbeat in many instances. Go through the process, get an order, file with FRO and then get on with your life. Spending your time trying to beat him or win against him or punish him or whatever will only make you crazy. You and your child deserve more than that.
                        Stay strong. Here's a thread I started a while back. Enjoy.
                        http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...aration-18424/

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                        • #13
                          Morn;

                          I'd agree with the previous poster. If he dissolves his assets, even to a family member, your in trouble.

                          For example, I can get a passport for another country allowing me to travel through the European Union. If my assets were sold off (no court order in place), I'd say it's almost impossible to get money/support.

                          AND by the sounds of it, he has backing in the country he plans to move to. Not a good combo for you.


                          I'm sure it's extremely difficult but you'll have to plan to move on. Hopefully, you have a strong family support network.

                          Take Care,

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                          • #14
                            North of 40 - when you said assets sold off (no court order in place), do you think I have enough grounds to bring a motion asking to freeze his assets? Or to ask at my uncontested trial? I did select freezing the asset's in my application, but I didn't think I'd actually need to. I was naive and thought he'd be more willing to pay his support. I was very naive.

                            My story:

                            Just for the record, my ex husband for my other two children is to pay $1057 child support. He makes $125k, I make $45k. We agreed he should only pay $500 child support and that includes his portion of a monthly RESP contribution. We brought it to court, mutually, to submit as an agreement. Judge did request a conference to ask me why I'm settling so low when the was no hardship. I explained my rent was lower than my ex's and we'd both be in a position of renting due to a loss on our house sale. I said I wanted to be fair and the kids would benefit by having two equal nice house vs me having more money and him struggling. The judge accepted this and signed our order.

                            This situation with the second Dad (which sounds awful to say, the social stigmatization of that is awful), is a nightmare. My lawyer said it best. He said you feel wronged and my job is to find a way to compensate. I could go on and on about things this guy did, and now his gf too. And I thank LovingFather for the support link.

                            I think our system is proportionally unfair to the higher earner (usually the man).

                            But in this case, I'll sound awful, but I don't care. Everytime I get a nasty email saying "well your the one stupid enough to have the baby with a man who doesn't want you or the baby" (father) or "that baby has no rights to him or anything of his" (gf) followed by a picture of her brother holding a gun in the middle of some dessert, I figure this should cost you a few $$$ more. It's a total high conflict situation.

                            The reason I had the baby and kept her, was I shouldn't have gotten pregnant. I was told I was 2 months pregnant, two days after my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My mom was only given weeks to live. My mom said she wanted to see the baby, she said she's living long enough to see the baby. She was too sick to take an interest in alternative treatments for her cancer. She just didn't have it in her. All she could do was lay in bed. I went off work to take care of her. My mother was a difficult patient to her nurses and kept firing them all. She wanted independence still but couldn't understand it wasn't possible. I woke up 8 months later, woke up in the morning, in active labor. Phone rings half hour after I've woken up and I'm told my mom passed away. 8 hours later, baby is born. So I I'm no way had the baby to trap this guy or anything like that. The baby was a connection to my mom.

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                            • #15
                              I think you have to walk before you run.
                              I am perhaps confused.

                              1) Is the father denying paternity? If so, do you have an Order for paternity testing?

                              2) Do you have an interim Order for child support?

                              Until the above has been decided upon by the court then I am not sure that you can do much.

                              Before one pursues elevated collection (seizing assets, etc.) it stands to reason that you would have to show that regular collection (through a maintenance enforcement agency) has failed.

                              Please clarify

                              [sorry for your loss of your mother. Pancreatic cancer is terrible and often leaves family members imobilized as onset and death can be swift].

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