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  • The OCL is now involved

    He is going for sole custody and I am asking for the status quo to stay in place (two over nights per week and every other weekend) and to keep our shared parenting plan in place.

    We went to court and he keeps speaking on behalf of the children (age 8 and 4) stating what is in their best interest. Our request for the OCL to be involved was granted even though he again stated to the judge that it is not in their best interest.

    What is everyone's experience with the OCL? I am only asking that the children keep the arrangement in place as is and that they have become accustomed to, will the OCL really be swayed to the other side?

  • #2
    The Judge has approved OCL, but has the OCL accepted the case. They are busy and not always accept every case that comes to them.

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    • #3
      Why are asking that the access schedule be kept? They can grow accustomed to most any schedule... what is the logic in keeping the other parent from having a meaningful relationship with his children 50 percent of the time? Why is it in the kids best interest to have their dad on xx amount of time versus half the time?

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      • #4
        That's right, 50/50 is the best for kids.

        Sent from my SGH-I717D using Tapatalk

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        • #5
          I read that differently. The OP wants to keep shared custody, which in this case the ex has 43% of the time. The Ex is asking for sole custody, which really has nothing to do with access.

          Seeing as they already have shared parenting, don't foresee the OCL swaying eithr way unless one of them is unfit. However, as a compromise OP and to hopefully avoid more court time. Why not send an offer of 50-50 access and joint custody?

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          • #6
            That's why I'm asking the questions. Its not clear to me.

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            • #7
              We already have 50/50 or as close as possible and have asked for joint but the ex refuses and tried for a motion for change, that's when the judge asked for the OCL to get involved.

              The file has not been accepted as of yet, but the judge did ask if possible for the OCL to have tier recommendation/review complete before our next court date, I guess we'll just wait and see if that will be a possibility.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Mommy2 View Post
                We already have 50/50 or as close as possible and have asked for joint but the ex refuses and tried for a motion for change, that's when the judge asked for the OCL to get involved.

                The file has not been accepted as of yet, but the judge did ask if possible for the OCL to have tier recommendation/review complete before our next court date, I guess we'll just wait and see if that will be a possibility.
                Seeing as you already have shared parenting, what has your custody arrangement been so far? Have you both been consulting each other on joint decisions? If you have no signed agreement then you both have joint custody.

                The fact that your ex is pushing for sole custody, may show that he is unable to cooperate. I would stick with your offer of joint custody and frame it in the best interest of the children. It is best to have both parents involved in decisions regarding the children, you don't think either parent is any more important than the other, thus joint allows both parents to be equally involved. Let him push for sole and have to justify why. You will come out as the more reasonable parent and may even find sole awarded to you if your ex takes this too far.

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                • #9
                  I have tried to be sure to include him, but every time I get push back and an argument, always no matter what. But I do not start anything with letting him know before hand, in most cases it results in having to cancel or not do anything because of the fight I get each time.

                  Regardless, I strongly believe that children have the right to both parents. and that as parents we have the right to joint decision making. From the start I have only ever asked for joint, he's asked for sole twice (before court) both times we walked out with a shared parenting plan.... I will stick to my beliefs that both parents and children have the right to be with each other and that as a parent we both have the right to decide what is best for our children.

                  I have wondered about asking for primary so that I can reduce the emotional stress for our boys but I thought since our status quo was already in place for a year that I wouldn't have much of a chance. Maybe the OCL could help me with that.

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                  • #10
                    I have wondered about asking for primary so that I can reduce the emotional stress for our boys but I thought since our status quo was already in place for a year that I wouldn't have much of a chance. Maybe the OCL could help me with that.
                    I think I am missing something here - what emotional stress? How would the children be emotionally affected by joint or sole custody unless you are arguing or involving the children in this battle?
                    I have tried to be sure to include him, but every time I get push back and an argument, always no matter what. But I do not start anything with letting him know before hand, in most cases it results in having to cancel or not do anything because of the fight I get each time.
                    Be very careful with this as a judge could read this very differently. I realize I don't know you situation at all but we had this very issue come up: Mom said she "advised" dad. Well advising dad and allowing dad to make an informed decision are two very different things.

                    And letting him know before hand - also subjective as that does not mean he was involved as he should be... again I don't know your situation but surface involvement does not constitute real involvement.

                    Sometimes we talk ourselves a good story and think we are being complacent with advising the other parent. The comments about sparing the kids the emotional burden of this make me think there are pieces of the puzzle missing.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Serene View Post
                      I think I am missing something here - what emotional stress? How would the children be emotionally affected by joint or sole custody unless you are arguing or involving the children in this battle?


                      Be very careful with this as a judge could read this very differently. I realize I don't know you situation at all but we had this very issue come up: Mom said she "advised" dad. Well advising dad and allowing dad to make an informed decision are two very different things.

                      And letting him know before hand - also subjective as that does not mean he was involved as he should be... again I don't know your situation but surface involvement does not constitute real involvement.

                      Sometimes we talk ourselves a good story and think we are being complacent with advising the other parent. The comments about sparing the kids the emotional burden of this make me think there are pieces of the puzzle missing.
                      [/QUOTE]I think I am missing something here - what emotional stress? How would the children be emotionally affected by joint or sole custody unless you are arguing or involving the children in this battle?[QUOTE]

                      The ex has involved the children, telling them I can't care for them and that they won't see me anymore, I have asked him on a number of occasions to stop involving our children in adult situations and conversations but he will not stop.

                      I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, I involve him and keep him informed about everything, most times it results in a push back or like our latest and I had posted about it before, I had scheduled our son with his therapist an appointment (I told him of it a week before the appointment) he did not agree with me taking him to the therapist who he has already been too, insisting that our son must now see the school therapist, he went over my head and told the therapist that I was only making the appointment for court and that our son was already seeing the therapist at school (he was not at the time, and as far as I know he is now a wait list) the therapist canceled the appointment not wanting to get involved with a court matter, even after I said it was not about court and I was willing to sign anything stating that it could not be used in court. You'd think our son seeing the therapist he has seen in the past wouldn't be an issue, but again nothing but push back, resulting in our son having to wait for therapy that he needs due to the things he's hearing and that he should not be exposed to.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I think I am missing something here - what emotional stress? How would the children be emotionally affected by joint or sole custody unless you are arguing or involving the children in this battle?

                        The ex has involved the children, telling them I can't care for them and that they won't see me anymore, I have asked him on a number of occasions to stop involving our children in adult situations and conversations but he will not stop.

                        I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, I involve him and keep him informed about everything, most times it results in a push back or like our latest and I had posted about it before, I had scheduled our son with his therapist an appointment (I told him of it a week before the appointment) he did not agree with me taking him to the therapist who he has already been too, insisting that our son must now see the school therapist, he went over my head and told the therapist that I was only making the appointment for court and that our son was already seeing the therapist at school (he was not at the time, and as far as I know he is now a wait list) the therapist canceled the appointment not wanting to get involved with a court matter, even after I said it was not about court and I was willing to sign anything stating that it could not be used in court. You'd think our son seeing the therapist he has seen in the past wouldn't be an issue, but again nothing but push back, resulting in our son having to wait for therapy that he needs due to the things he's hearing and that he should not be exposed to.
                        We have been over the therapist issue before.

                        In brief, it should be a joint decision. Always. That doesn't mean either of you pick one, and inform the other. That means working together to find an appropriate one. You accuse him of not agreeing, but you went over his head first. You should apologize and try to move forward in a collaborative way, for the sake of your son who needs help and isn't getting it while you two bicker.

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                        • #13
                          I have let it go, I have signed the consent form for our son to get therapy through school, moving on and now we wait. I just want him to get the help he needs.

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                          • #14
                            Every school has a therapist? My daughter is in a catholic school.

                            Sent from my SGH-I717D using Tapatalk

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                            • #15
                              I agree with downtroddendad. You didn't work together. You made a decision and then advised him. That is not in the spirit of joint custody/decision making.

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