I have a 10yr old sd. Earlier this year, my husband and I were made aware that she had an issue with throwing tantrums at her mother's home. Mom has had custody since the split when my sd was 2. During access visits we have never had an issue with tantrums. In an attempt to stop the tantrums at her mom's house we spoke to my sd to find out why. This is when we found out that the punishment she received from her mom for having a tantrum is an ice cold shower. I was extremely upset to hear this as I deem this abusive even corporal punishment. My sd begged my husband not to say anything to her mom as she feared more punishment for telling. We spoke to my sd about alternate ways to express her frustration in hopes that changing her behaviour would stop the extreme punishment.
The next weekend my sd was with us for access we asked her if things were going any better. She described an incident where she was crying and hanging on to the bathroom door knob trying to keep from being put in the shower only to be stripped naked and put in the ice cold shower anyway. She said her mom left the bathroom and she figured out to turn the hot tap on to warm it. Her mom figured out what she did and turned it back to cold and made her stay in longer. My husband and I told my sd that it's not ok to punish kids like that which gave my sd incentive to tell someone she trusted....her maternal grandmother. Apparently Nana was very upset to hear this and confronted mom. She was told to stop and from what my sd said it had until recently.
This past month my sd has complained of being punished by cold showers again but not just for tantrums now as she has stopped throwing them. Recently she had peed the bed, which she hasn't done here in 4 yrs, and she was punished with an ice cold shower again. She said that she told her Nana and she "gave mom trouble" but she is still using the shower as punishment. The stories frpm home include no breakfast most days, being hungry at school due to lack of food, sneaking money to school to buy a yogurt to stop hunger, being yelled at while mom stomps through the house slamming doors, calling my husband names just to name a few.
My husband has been having issues with his ex for years. This past summer it came to a head when she called the cops on him while we were on a scheduled vacation with my sd & decided to shorten his access to 3 days a month. He is taking her to court and served her at the begining of this month.
I can't shake the nagging feeling I have in my heart to protect my sd. I want to call child services and report everything but I am afraid that his ex will be able to pull the wool over their eyes. She is a successful professional person with a nice home, makes good money and is good at manipulation. I had to call on a family member many years ago and watched other family lie through their teeth and have the investigation closed with no resolution for the child. I am also concerned that with my husbands case pending that calling child services will be seen as a ploy to get him ahead in his case.
Any advice on how to handle this is very muc appreciated.
The next weekend my sd was with us for access we asked her if things were going any better. She described an incident where she was crying and hanging on to the bathroom door knob trying to keep from being put in the shower only to be stripped naked and put in the ice cold shower anyway. She said her mom left the bathroom and she figured out to turn the hot tap on to warm it. Her mom figured out what she did and turned it back to cold and made her stay in longer. My husband and I told my sd that it's not ok to punish kids like that which gave my sd incentive to tell someone she trusted....her maternal grandmother. Apparently Nana was very upset to hear this and confronted mom. She was told to stop and from what my sd said it had until recently.
This past month my sd has complained of being punished by cold showers again but not just for tantrums now as she has stopped throwing them. Recently she had peed the bed, which she hasn't done here in 4 yrs, and she was punished with an ice cold shower again. She said that she told her Nana and she "gave mom trouble" but she is still using the shower as punishment. The stories frpm home include no breakfast most days, being hungry at school due to lack of food, sneaking money to school to buy a yogurt to stop hunger, being yelled at while mom stomps through the house slamming doors, calling my husband names just to name a few.
My husband has been having issues with his ex for years. This past summer it came to a head when she called the cops on him while we were on a scheduled vacation with my sd & decided to shorten his access to 3 days a month. He is taking her to court and served her at the begining of this month.
I can't shake the nagging feeling I have in my heart to protect my sd. I want to call child services and report everything but I am afraid that his ex will be able to pull the wool over their eyes. She is a successful professional person with a nice home, makes good money and is good at manipulation. I had to call on a family member many years ago and watched other family lie through their teeth and have the investigation closed with no resolution for the child. I am also concerned that with my husbands case pending that calling child services will be seen as a ploy to get him ahead in his case.
Any advice on how to handle this is very muc appreciated.
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