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  • Inform Ex were I spend weekends with kids

    Dear all,

    My ex insists that I inform him if I am leaving the town with kids over the weekend ( my weekend with kids). E.g. to spend overnight at the fun hotel 1.5 h from home. There is no court order or any other agreement saying I have to. (we have joint custody)
    OCL mentioned "the transparency".
    Does anyone know my rights?

  • #2
    Originally posted by almostdivorced2017 View Post
    Dear all,



    My ex insists that I inform him if I am leaving the town with kids over the weekend ( my weekend with kids). E.g. to spend overnight at the fun hotel 1.5 h from home. There is no court order or any other agreement saying I have to. (we have joint custody)

    OCL mentioned "the transparency".

    Does anyone know my rights?


    Unless you are travelling outside of Canada you don't have to inform your ex of anything. If you're going out of province it wouldn't hurt but to go a few hours away is none of your ex's business. Of course it is nice if you can communicate but in reality you don't need to tell your ex anything, especially if you are staying within province.

    My husbands ex tried the same thing and he informed her a couple times but that was it. We plan our time with the kids and she plans hers.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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    • #3
      Originally posted by almostdivorced2017 View Post
      My ex insists that I inform him if I am leaving the town with kids over the weekend
      You do not have to provide that information.

      It turns out that your ex doesn't actually get to set the rules. Who would have thunk it?

      Does anyone know my rights?
      There is a difference between rights and obligations. Something about parents asking about their rights always plays out very badly in the courts. It is a good habit to break.

      Comment


      • #4
        unless your court order says you have to tell her what you are doing with your kids on your time , or unless the court says you have to get her consent before travelling outside of the province, country, etc, you don't have to give her anything. Ignore her. What you do with your kids on your time is non of her business.

        Comment


        • #5
          There is no order, however, the judge recommended that should be a transparency where children are at any given point in time.
          How to interpret that?
          Ex is asking to provide exact details where and with whom kids will be.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by trinton View Post
            unless your court order says you have to tell her what you are doing with your kids on your time , or unless the court says you have to get her consent before travelling outside of the province, country, etc, you don't have to give her anything. Ignore her. What you do with your kids on your time is non of her business.
            I just kind of laughed when I read this response.

            Trinton...read the initial post. The OP refers to their ex as a HIM not a HER.

            There are some posters on here who just don't realize how skewed their perspective of the opposite gender is because of their own bitter divorce experience. Not all women are controlling and conniving...but sometimes men are....go figure.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by almostdivorced2017 View Post
              There is no order, however, the judge recommended that should be a transparency where children are at any given point in time.
              How to interpret that?
              Ex is asking to provide exact details where and with whom kids will be.
              It means you should both know where your children are. Judge wants you both to cooperate and share the information. So does the OCL as you mentioned in your first post. It doesn't mean you have to. It doesn't mean you have to give all the details.

              Something as simple as "we're going to Niagara Falls for the weekend" is clearly enough information.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                I just kind of laughed when I read this response.

                Trinton...read the initial post. The OP refers to their ex as a HIM not a HER.

                There are some posters on here who just don't realize how skewed their perspective of the opposite gender is because of their own bitter divorce experience. Not all women are controlling and conniving...but sometimes men are....go figure.
                Seems you really enjoy derailing threads recently to talk about how pro-mom you are. My response wasn't influenced by gender. I would give the same response to both mom and dad. I didn't realize there was people so focused on the HIMS or HERS. Is the gender really that relevant PersuingHappiness ? What is your issue with men ? Do you have a skewed their perspective of the opposite gender because of your own bitter divorce ?
                Last edited by trinton; 04-13-2017, 12:36 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by almostdivorced2017 View Post
                  There is no order, however, the judge recommended that should be a transparency where children are at any given point in time.
                  How to interpret that?
                  Ex is asking to provide exact details where and with whom kids will be.
                  If it's not in an written order and it's just something the judge said verbally, then you should ignore _HIM_. However, if you are in the court process and this is something the court wants to see moving forward, just tell _HIM_ whether you will be in town or out of town - if out of town, which town. You don't need to tell _HIM_ who you will be with, what you will be eating for breakfast, at what time you went to the washroom, what brand of conditioner you used or on what side of the bed you're sleeping on. That's just simply none of _HIS_ business. You have a right to privacy.

                  What is this thing about OCL recommendation of transparency ?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by paris View Post
                    It means you should both know where your children are. Judge wants you both to cooperate and share the information. So does the OCL as you mentioned in your first post. It doesn't mean you have to. It doesn't mean you have to give all the details.

                    Something as simple as "we're going to Niagara Falls for the weekend" is clearly enough information.
                    I actually disagree.

                    A trip this distance away doesn't require notification of the other parent...and the downside is that once you comply with this level of control, it doesn't stop. The other parent needs to be trained that his approval or consent isn't required. You have an absolute right to privacy on how you spend your weekends with the children. There is zero reason or benefit to him having this information rather than to pry into your private parental time.

                    I would simply ignore the request altogether. I would not bother to respond to irrelevant questions and eventually he'll stop asking. Parental communication is required over RELEVANT parenting issues only and this request doesn't qualify.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                      I actually disagree.

                      A trip this distance away doesn't require notification of the other parent...and the downside is that once you comply with this level of control, it doesn't stop. The other parent needs to be trained that his approval or consent isn't required. You have an absolute right to privacy on how you spend your weekends with the children. There is zero reason or benefit to him having this information rather than to pry into your private parental time.

                      I would simply ignore the request altogether. I would not bother to respond to irrelevant questions and eventually he'll stop asking. Parental communication is required over RELEVANT parenting issues only and this request doesn't qualify.
                      You do realize that he is not a dog right?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                        A trip this distance away doesn't require notification of the other parent...and the downside is that once you comply with this level of control, it doesn't stop. The other parent needs to be trained that his approval or consent isn't required.

                        I completely agree. It is important to set boundaries. When I first got separated, I would go out of my way to not provide information unless it was mandated by the agreement.

                        The other parent made aggressive demands for information for a few months (including threats of litigation if I didn't comply), and then never asked again.

                        I am certain that if I had provided the information, I would still be dealing with the issue now, years down the road.

                        And to answer Trinton's later post... yes... some parents are like dogs that need to be trained.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Janus View Post
                          yes... some parents are like dogs that need to be trained.
                          I don't disagree with you on that. And some are like dragons that will likely never be trained. that being said, my post was based on a different context. I don't think you got the joke.

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                          • #14
                            There is no requirement or rule on disclosing where a parent is going with the child, so long as you are staying within the Country/Province.

                            If you are traveling a long distance, sometimes it doesn't hurt letting the ex know you will be out of town and to call your cell in the event of an emergency. If they ask where you are going, you are not obliged to say. However, the flip side to that coin is how you want to be treated yourself. If you wouldn't mind the common courtesy of knowing where your kids are, you'd better be willing to extend it yourself.

                            Showing a touch of respect and maturity on the matter can go a long way. I generally let my ex know when we are going out of town, if for no other reason than to ensure my kid comes prepared with the appropriate clothing.

                            There is zero need to give specifics about for when you are going or coming back unless it impacts their time. I'd never both with saying anything more than "we are going to my folks/camper etc". Anything more is over indulging the ex with information, essentially keeping them informed on your life, which no one wants.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              My kid is a chatterbox so I always tell his dad where we will be (if we're going out of town) AND I tell him if I'm out of town on my non-parenting days just in case of emergency.

                              I have no idea if this is good or bad co-parenting or if I'm doing right by our child but it seems to me like good manners and frankly, I would not want our child telling him he saw XYZ and for his dad to be clueless or to be caught off guard as to how that came about. I think kids should know early that parents communicate (no matter how shoddy this can be) and that they can freely share what happens from one house to the next.

                              Comment

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