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  • Hi new here

    Hello, not only new to this site but generally new to forums so I don't know all the tools and tricks to getting around but here it goes...lol

    This is a long story, I'll try to make it as "to the point" as possible.

    I am male and my ex common law wife of 20 years is seeking support from me. We have no children.

    We both started out with nothing and pretty much lived day to day with what we had. We always shared all expenses 50/50. My wife worked as a private house cleaner and had several clients.

    I started a new job back in 1993 and worked hard to move ahead in the company and was somewhat succesful. Back in 2000 when I felt we were more financially secure, we decided to buy a house together. I used my RRSP as a downpayment on the house and away we went. However it was still agreed that we would keep sharing expenses 50/50. Of course that was not in writing, but the fact that she signed a mortgage agreement would seem to prove that she was as liable as I for the mortgage. I was making more money at the time so I agreed that I would pay all of the bills like hydro,gas,water,insurance etc...She decided she wanted a phone line and cable so she payed for that.

    My wife always had tendencies toward severe verbal and physical outbursts but that became much more pronounced when we moved into our new house. She all of a sudden decided to stop paying her share of the mortgage after only 18 months. She slowly started dropping her house cleaning clients to the point that she only had one or two left.

    Our relationship just started to break down and her outbursts became more and more frequent. I was assaulted verbally and physically on numerous occasions throughout the years. I kept on trying to help her and turn things around but the harder I tried the worse things got...She would just stay up late every night and sleep in till noon or 1 oclock every day. After 5 years, we ended up living seperate lives.

    Finally in January of 2011, she was removed from the house by the police for domestic abuse against me. It was very hard for me to call the police but I was at the end of my rope.

    We agreed to some terms for a legal seperation. I had all the documents drawn up by my lawyer. When she brought the documents to her lawyer, all of a sudden, she wanted alot more. She is now seeking to get half of all "matrimonial" assets and a ridiculous amount of monthly support from me. What I am learning so far is that apparently I should not have let things go on for so long(duh) and that I am at fault for trying to help her. Her lawyer has packaged quite an application which justifies her actions as being caused by medical problems.

    This woman made my life unbearable for 10 years and now potentially could affect me permanently. I am not trying to dump her out onto the street with nothing, I made her a very reasonnable offer.

    I appreciate you all reading this and look forward to your comments. Don't have to "sugar coat" anything...I am preparring for the worse.

    Thanks

  • #2
    Yes all the assets will be distributed equally minus the debt. This is separation 101! You need to come up to speed on modern Spousal Support law in this country. Google Spousal support Ontario and take some time to get informed!

    Good luck

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the good luck wishes

      I'm just saying...it's not fair...that is not justice in my opinion...I hope some lawyer or judge will take a stand and change these ridiculous laws one day or at least judge each case based on their merits.

      Sorry if I seem naive but no one has ever said anything to me that makes this seem right...

      Comment


      • #4
        As a man,I'm proud of you you called the cops for domestic violence. It's not an easy call to make!!!

        Comment


        • #5
          hi i'm new here as well and not sure how to post a new thread... I was just wondering if i am an abused wife and the relationship has lasted for just over a year. For 6 months of that we were not allowed to see each other. In june we were allowed to see each other and it was just not the same. I moved out of the married home back to my house which i had before the marriage. in sept he assualted me again. Is he still entitled to the legal division of property as i make more than him. Am i to pay for the right of being a punching bag.

          Comment


          • #6
            i guess i should not have posted on yr question, but it is interesting , or if someone is reading this can redirect me to the posting i would most benefit from. tx and good luck

            Comment


            • #7
              Scrooged-I'm also glad you called the police. I have a few male friends who have also been hit during their breakups and it's usually let go and ignored. It's not OK...
              Try doing a search here for other common law posts and see what you find. Some great history here in the forum ! Good luck...

              Comment


              • #8
                Scrooged, number one get a "GOOD" family law lawyer. However, while your ex will likely have a shot of screwing you out of spousal support given that you are COMMON LAW my understanding is that 50% "equaliziation" of assets is NOT a given since you were NOT married.

                I invite others to join in but for common law, 50% equalization is NOT a given like it is for married couples. My understanding is that she would have to "prove" she is entitled to it (ie. she helped pay for an asset, helped maintain it, etc.).

                So, you might be in better shape than you think with respect to "assets". I suspect that for spousal support though, you'll have to fight it out. At least you are fortunate there are no kids. Spousal support is tax deductible to the payor (ie. YOU) AND while there are guidelines, unlike child support you can negotiate it. Child support is also non-deductible for the payor (yet another way the government screws guys out of hard earned income).

                Best advice I can give you is do your homework (this site is a good start) and get a good lawyer. Fight her hard; don't give up my friend !!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by shellshocked22 View Post
                  Scrooged, number one get a "GOOD" family law lawyer. However, while your ex will likely have a shot of screwing you out of spousal support given that you are COMMON LAW my understanding is that 50% "equaliziation" of assets is NOT a given since you were NOT married.

                  I invite others to join in but for common law, 50% equalization is NOT a given like it is for married couples. My understanding is that she would have to "prove" she is entitled to it (ie. she helped pay for an asset, helped maintain it, etc.).

                  So, you might be in better shape than you think with respect to "assets". I suspect that for spousal support though, you'll have to fight it out. At least you are fortunate there are no kids. Spousal support is tax deductible to the payor (ie. YOU) AND while there are guidelines, unlike child support you can negotiate it. Child support is also non-deductible for the payor (yet another way the government screws guys out of hard earned income).

                  Best advice I can give you is do your homework (this site is a good start) and get a good lawyer. Fight her hard; don't give up my friend !!!
                  My understanding is different.
                  Common law for > 2yrs = married - period. So you and spouse split all of "your" and "her" assets 50 50. Spousal - kids versus no kids is a big distinction. but if she has lawyered up, you may be in for a rough ride....

                  Ask your laywer about what the judge WILL PROBABLY award - no point paying to fight a losing cause as you MAY pay her costs too in this event....

                  read the rules on spousal support yourself - save having to pay a lawyer to explain it to you...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by LotusLand47 View Post
                    Common law for > 2yrs = married - period.
                    That is not true. A marriage contract makes a significant difference to how assets/home are divided. This is an Ontario forum, by the way... perhaps you are in a different province??

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thank you so much everyone

                      Reading all your comments has made me feel better than I have for a long while...I'm so happy I found this place.

                      I have a good lawyer(ithink lol) and I will pay her whatever it takes to fight this. I heard from a few people that a female lawyer may not be a good idea for me, what do you think about that?...(ie birds of a feather...) She seems like a smart lady.

                      It was not my idea to get lawyers involved in the first place but now I have no choice. My ex now has big dollar signs in her eyes and she will not be willing to negotiate with me.

                      It's so funny...If you work for a company for 20 years, contributing to the company's success and working your butt off, then one day they decide they don't need you anymore and you get fired, they don't have to support you for 20 years even though they got you used to a certain lifestyle, and then when you go to the goverment for unemployement insurance which you paid into for 20 years, they will pay you for 52 weeks and then it's done. I could go on but......

                      I have my meeting with the judge (forget what its called right now) scheduled in December.

                      Thanks again for your support and I will keep you all up to date...

                      Should I start writing this stuff in another place??

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        A common law relationship is not a marriage and spousal support is not automatic. Although the two statuses do seem to be merging over time due to the large number of unmarried couples. Her claim would be constructive trust and unjust enrichment at which point her contribution to the relationship would be assessed (and paid out like damages). Other places on the forum probably deal extensively with this. You have a long relationship however so they will probably ask for lots and throw in the medical disability card hoping you'll cave.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          get your self a good lawyer - get a reference from a man who had a positive experience , Sally or Jane's lawyer who cleaned 'him' out might
                          allow that to happen to you;

                          i too was attacked more than once, i was even told how to walk across the floor - not to mention what she did to the children

                          50/50 is in the 'Famly Law' brochure but can be practised very differently , i (common law) had all the debt for 3+ years while she drained all the CA$H from our family and business accounts, they avoided making her pay child support, though i put her through post secondary school 3 times and paid her $ every 2 weeks for the first year of separation they tried to get spousal support - at the end it was at least 65/35 in her favor and I had the children - its a long storey how they proceeded to turn the children over to her ...

                          I am in Calgary Alberta Canada the last stronghold of 'mothers only' Family
                          Law System

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            My thoughts...

                            Regarding Spousal Support - since you don't have kids, and since there was clearly an expectation that you both work during marriage, it seems to me that SS should be non-compensatory, as she has not been financially disadvantaged by the marriage. As you describe it she was not a "stay at home homemaker". So yes.. you'll likely get ordered to pay SS to help her get on her feet, but it will likely be more towards the lower end of SSAG range, and lower end of SSAG duration. Simply put.. she will have an obligation to support herself as soon as possible. And keep in mind that SS payments are tax deductable, so they won't be "quite" as bad as you think. Don't get me wrong though.. my ex did the same as yours.. and effectively abandoned employment that was available to her. So I'm not at all sympathetic to your ex. But I do think you'll be expected to help her get on her feet. And you should be able to get the SS order to be time limited.

                            As for marital assets. If you both started with nothing, then she should be half of your net marital assets. It's the law. And it's fair.

                            Keep in mind that if the marital assets she ends up with are "liquid" (i.e. cold hard cash), and fairly divided, it should actually lower the arguement for spousal support.

                            Ultimately.. think about how mich it will be "WORTH" to you to have your ex sign off on ANY ADDITIONAL FUTURE SUPPORT. As BAD as it may taste NOW.. think how good it will feel to know that once you pay $xx for YY months.. then it's DONE!!! Finished !! Over !!

                            It's feel good won't it. Well.. likely anything else, that good feeling will cost a few bucks.

                            I'd have your lawyer make her a GOOD offer, and VERY SPECIFICALLY time limited, and see if you can't swing a deal before you waste too much on lawyers.

                            It's just business my friend. Just business. Try not to get too emotional about it. Remember, if you were in her shoes you'd likely do the same.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I agree you want to put a time limit and "end date" on any SS (if indeed she gets any).

                              However, my understanding is that UNLIKE "married" couples equaliziation of assets is NOT automatic under common law. I believe the onus is on HER to prove she should be given some share (I'm assuming the assets are under your name). And even if "yes", I suspect it doesn't half to be 50% depending upon her contribution.

                              People think "common law" is same as married. While it is for CS and SS, it's NOT the same for equalization. Get a GOOD family law lawyer (hard to find lol) and protect your "ASSets" my friend.

                              Comment

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