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  • Family Law and criminal charge

    So here it is. This is following the first thread I posted on the ODF. I decided to share my case here as it appears to be distinct from all the others that relates only to false allegations charged by the ex. I must recall that adding to false allegations of verbal abuse and domestic violence made by my ex to CAS, I was charged with threats to harm my ex at work. Maybe it did happen to others on this site and they decided to spare the details so they won't be the target of numerous guilty trips. The purpose of this is to aware people going into a litigious separation/divorce matter to keep their emotions, frustrations and injustice to family and close friends only. Best advise as others will only play interpretations to what you have said and could cause you nothing but trouble.

    Within the next three weeks, my criminal case should drop with "unconditional forgiveness". It took all that long to prove that the accusations at work were over exaggerated (My manager is a freak paranoid on medication and lives in a soap opera world.) But hey, I wasn't careful enough and shit did happen and I am the one to blame. Happy this nightmare will be over as it is far enough to deal only with the matter of separation.

    I wanted to go back to work but with my long absence and knowing I was still dealing with both family and criminal cases, my employer recommended that I seek professional advise from a doctor at Health Canada. After over two hours of consultation, with the high conflict divorce I'm going through, his advise was to remain on sick leave as my job would be at risk and would not be of the best interest. Same with my family doctor and psy. So there, I'm on invalidity allowances.

    Financial concerns adds up to my anxiety. From the last CC, CS was based on that income. I was granted with supervised access at one of the two centers in Ottawa for 2 hours per week but the centers are so crowded, the waiting list is not before 3 months. More to that, it took over a month and a half for my ex to send the application. This was to make sure I didn't get to see my kids during the Holidays. Sucks real tight! Also, the 2nd center did not confirm yet they had received her application for access. Telling me that she applied only to one center. Anyway, I have proof that I applied to both centers in November and provided the other parties with my proof through my lawyer.

  • #2
    It must be extremely frustrating for you. Good to hear that you are progressing, albeit slowly, through the appropriate channels and processes to clear your good name. I look forward to hearing the outcome of your criminal matter.

    Your ex very well might have shot herself in the butt. Sounds to me that you now have appropriate documentation substantiating your medical leave (and undoubtedly a substantial drop in income).

    Thanks for adding the details and for keeping us up-to-date. Sadly, many people find themselves in a similar situation as you.
    Last edited by arabian; 01-15-2016, 03:01 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      My new concerns. Next motion scheduled for mid-February. Items on the table is CS, SS, access and the matrimonial house.

      The interim order says I pay CS based on my salary on invalidity. This is 70% of 85K. Since she has temporary custody of the children until the OCL assessment is done, the payment is from the table. No issue but she believes my income is still 85K.

      SS for what? She wasn't doing her share of the domestic chores and was always too tired to help. She always vented that her husband was doing everything at home. With my full time job, I had to do everything at home so that the 4 kids will live in a saint and clean environment. She quit her school job of 28k per annum to operate a daycare at home making over 43K per annum. Now she states that she was a stay at home mother looking at our children. NO no no lady. I would have never permitted that. It was clear from the start that both of us had to keep working to maintain that lifestyle. For her to quit her job and to run a daycare didn't show in anyhow that she has suffered a career drop and financially. She is still working in her field of expertise and that adds up to her Curriculum. With her education, I can input her a descent income between 38K-42K. With the actual figures, interim custody of 3 kids and my regular salary of 85K, CS would be 1.6K/month and no SS. With shared custody, if entitled, would be very minimal for a 15 years marriage.

      Undue hardship; impossible. She's young (39), in good health, good education, has assets, cable, internet, cell phone, a loan for her vehicle, wants to keep the house valued at 400K. She would need to drop some of these as I had to do once I was kicked out of the house.

      Access; I want to see my kids at my place without supervision. She is using the criminal case to keep my access supervised. She signed an order given me access every Sunday from 1pm to 8pm for 5 weeks during the summer even though I had that criminal charge against me and it wasn't an issue at that time. With the charge dropped, I want to use this to see my kids at my place rather than in a supervised center that is presently crowded with plenty of demands. Also, the kids really liked my new house as there was several things to do to keep them busy. My doctor will provide me with a letter stating that I am not a threat to anyone, especially my kids and to myself either. My health condition restrain me from work but do not restrain me from parenting.

      House; We had agreed on an appraisal done in January 2015. Settlement was suppose to occur in June but never did. Now, she still wants to keep the house but wishes to reduce it from 395K to 370K because some renovation needs to be done. I offer to reduce it no less than 390K as I haven't had a word to say in the appraisal as it was done secretly while I was at work. Several things were not shared with the appraiser along with showing some pictures that could have made a difference. Also, I noticed the market for houses went up 5.5% from December 2014 to 2015. Can I refuse her to buy me out and ask for the house to be sold at the market value with no refusal of a sale of less than 5% of the price?

      Looks like this separation won't come to an end if she keeps on bringing stuff that were previously agreed. But I need to see my kids now, it's been over 5 months now.

      Comment


      • #4
        It's too bad your boss did that to you. Whilst I agree nobody should take threats lightly....I think we can all recall a time where we said something among friend like ..."Oh my god, if Suzie said that about me I'd strangle her"...Or.."I'd kill for that damn divorce to be over".

        Does this instantly turn people in to gruesome serial killers who kill and strangle? No. Exaggerated speech among friends and colleagues ... BUT a big mistake also my friend. I for one have a sneaking suspicion that you're not the Boston Strangler. That's just me. (Although you might consider changing your profile pic.. LMAO)

        In the end it boils down to you and your "history of abuse" towards a spouse or child. Is there any?
        AND

        Can your ex prove that "divorce talk" around the water tank on break at work has "Affected Your Ability to Parent"?

        Apologize profusely for the inappropriate comments (Divorce is an emotional time and you thought you were among close friends). Own what you said and make the judge VERY aware that silly things like that will never come out of your mouth again.

        All of this forcing supervised, denying the access...oh yea..and $$$$$ .. roll with it...its part of the game and they seem to get away with it.

        Oh yea .. use the CLRA laws below for your case (Ability to parent)

        24(3)(4):
        Past conduct
        (3) A person’s past conduct shall be considered only,

        (a) in accordance with subsection (4); or

        (b) if the court is satisfied that the conduct is otherwise relevant to the person’s ability to act as a parent. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1).

        Violence and abuse
        (4) In assessing a person’s ability to act as a parent, the court shall consider whether the person has at any time committed violence or abuse against,

        (a) his or her spouse;

        (b) a parent of the child to whom the application relates;

        (c) a member of the person’s household; or

        (d) any child. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1).
        Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-15-2016, 05:02 PM. Reason: CLRA rules/profile pic

        Comment


        • #5
          Your situation is going to be interesting because from what you state you and your ex both had full-time employment, notably her employment (hopefully you have tax returns which will be essential to prove her income) which was out of the home while she looked after the children. Did your wife give up a career to opt to stay home and raise children/work out of the home?

          Edit - would your ex be able to prove that staying home with children hindered her career (where would she be now career-wise if she had not taken any time off to stay home?).
          Last edited by arabian; 01-15-2016, 05:23 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks LF32 and congrats for your case, I've been following it from the first day I joined the site.

            And no I won't change the profile picture... love that little mafia boy. LOL

            Nothing during our 15 years together... arguments that is but no verbal or physic abuses. This is all about money... and control. If she gets sole custody, she gets full table amount and the rights to make all major decisions in the life of our children. We always had the same point of view concerning the sake of our children during our marriage and now... why would it be different? My children are old enough to communicate their needs to each of their parents (S15, D13 and D8) so if she thinks that we cannot communicate to each other and is the reason she opte for custody... I'll say we don't need to keep a "perfect term of communication" but just keep it to emails and log books and basically only to what is related to children needs only.

            She knows I've been a good descent father from diapers to actual (yes material diapers... had to soak my hands in poops to washed those... no problem I was raised on a farm). I was very close to my children and I'm pretty sure they are requesting to see me at this time. I saw the attachment they have with me when I had access this summer. I mist the time I use to spend with them and the cuddling we were doing while watching a movie at night. My ability to parent has not vanished... it's the opportunity to continue it that was taken from me.

            I tried to apologize to the court (my ex and judge) the first time we appealed but they did not pay very much attention to it. They mainly ignored me.

            Thanks for the CLRA 24(3)(4)... it will surely be useful.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              Your situation is going to be interesting because from what you state you and your ex both had full-time employment, notably her employment (hopefully you have tax returns which will be essential to prove her income) which was out of the home while she looked after the children. Did your wife give up a career to opt to stay home and raise children/work out of the home?.
              No she did not give up her career, she decided to manage her own business at home by doing the same she was doing at school... taking care of little children. At school, she was an aid-teacher helping with the little one in the class. She quit voluntary to operate a daycare at home taking care of little one.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by arabian View Post
                Edit - would your ex be able to prove that staying home with children hindered her career (where would she be now career-wise if she had not taken any time off to stay home?).
                This is the thing... she was making 28K when she left her job at school. Now she was doing 43K with her daycare at home. Basically, it was beneficial to her to operate her own business than to work as an aid-teacher. 12 years later, with an increase of 2% per year (which is very generous for teachers as they got less than this) her 28K salary would be around 32-35K. So her daycare is obviously better for her. She made the remark on her motion to file for divorce that her salary at school was lower than what she is doing now. Of course, she denies making that much with the daycare but a lot of deductions are not allowed and should be included in her income on line 150. On top, her qualification would put her in a range of 40K to 66K. I also have proof of that for the region of Ottawa.

                Comment


                • #9
                  So she has no university degree in early childhood eduction or a teaching degree?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by arabian View Post
                    So she has no university degree in early childhood eduction or a teaching degree?
                    No. She has a College degree in Specialized Education to work with people with handicaps, mentally or physically. She landed working as an aid-teacher at the school because she was taking care of a little autism boy of a teacher who was working there.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      New development here.

                      I just received a confirmation from the OCL stating that they won't provide any services, nor assigned an advocate for the children nor require a clinical assessment to the children even if it was ordered by the judge. So the OCL are closing the file and won't get involved. They acknowledged that supervised visits were to take effect and should be kept for a long period of time before revisiting this issue. (Visits haven't started yet because the centres are swamp with enormous demands). WTF, is it good or bad?

                      They know our case is very conflictual and the criminal charge are still pending (but should be dropped next week hopefully). Why would they stepped out? CAS were also involved and after conducting an investigation with both parents and children, they concluded that there was no requirements to put the children under protection. OCL knew about that as a copy of the letter was provided to them. Is it possible that would be a reason for them to not get involved?

                      Any thoughts on this? I'm asking as most of the posters here had OCL involved with their issues on access/custody.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hey Mafia.

                        There are many reasons OCL don't take on cases:

                        The Office of the Children's Lawyer reviews each court ordered request for appointment of the Children's Lawyer in custody/access cases.

                        The Office of the Children's Lawyer may not provide services in the following circumstances:

                        The child resides outside of Ontario;
                        The child and/or either parent/party does not reside where the action is being conducted;
                        There is an outstanding or anticipated order for assessment or mediation, or an assessment or mediation is pending;
                        An assessment has been completed about custody and access in the year preceding the request;
                        A review of the case history indicates that there have been multiple assessments or protracted litigation with little possibility of resolution;
                        There are serious mental health concerns with respect to either parent and/or child, and a mental health assessment has not been undertaken or completed;
                        Support and/or property issues are the primary concerns and the custody and access arrangements have been relatively stable for an appreciable period of time;
                        The primary purpose is to obtain evidence to further the litigation;
                        Other resolution efforts should have occurred and have not been attempted;
                        The child's situation would not be improved, e.g. where the issue is "joint" v. "sole" custody, or where an unrealistic time-sharing plan is being sought, or an applicant seeks to change custody to resolve an access problem, or both parties reside in the matrimonial home etc.;
                        (a). One or both parties allege abuse and/or neglect and the local Children's Aid Society (CAS) is investigating or should be asked under the Child and Family Services Act to investigate the allegations; or (b). The CAS is or has been involved and has taken a position as to the custody/access arrangements;
                        Updating the Children's Lawyer's Report that has been served and filed in court under section 112 of the Courts of Justice Act.https://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov....ocl/intake.php
                        The CAS letter may have also had an effect.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                          The CAS letter may have also had an effect.
                          I'm assuming that must be it. I met with CAS before and after the criminal case and after the investigation they conducted, they send that letter confirming there was no issues and they were closing the file. Letter was dated over a month after the incident. Perhaps OCL have deducted something.

                          More in my favour to fight against the supervised access and re-instate those access at my place as per our summer schedule we had agreed.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Waiting for a confirmation that my criminal charge are finally dropped. Another long week to wait and the nightmare should be over. I will then have all my attention focusing on the other nightmare of mine... the separation.

                            Preparing myself for the motion. As I noticed in other threads on the ODF and several case in CanLII, there is no point of looking in the past to prove what the other party did wrong and who is acting unreasonable. The best is to move on and to show the judge that it is in our best interest to settle ASAP. So here what I've done during the past month.

                            1- wrote a brief indicating my position for a shared custody with 50/50 access time with all the advantages for the best interest of our children.

                            2- established a fare parental plan of 14 pages describing the role each parent will have between each other and for the children. Proposing a parallel parenting as Plan B in case the other party keeps on requesting sole custody for non communication purposes.

                            3- wrote a brief to re-instate access right away with my children as my criminal charge is dropped with unconditional forgiveness and base on the fact that access did occurred last summer while my criminal record was in effect and there was no worries at that time (no security issues with me being with the children unsupervised). Also, with the assurance that the kids did had a good time while they were spending time with their dad and his new partner's family. Yes I have a new gf with a daughter (just visiting once in a while) and my kids very liked them.

                            4- wrote another brief describing my position as why I should not pay SS.

                            I forwarded everything to my lawyer who read and took note of everything and when we met, she made some changes and specifications:

                            1- she indicated that we were going for 50/50 shared custody with joint custody on decision making. Only if the other party insist that it won't work for joint custody because of lack of communication we should go to plan B for
                            parallel parenting. Otherwise, it shouldn't be an issue as we were able to manage for 15 years with no hassles. The onus is on her side to prove the opposite as I was an involved father.

                            2- Parenting plan is subject to changes. I know that and it will change for sure. I made sure to have as less physical contact as possible, like pick-ups/drop-ups at school and communication by emails and com book for children matters only.

                            3- I was only asking for access on a progressive schedule because I haven't seen my kids for over 6 months but my lawyer said "no". Ask for the maximum and let the judge decide on the access he will grant you. What if you ask for less when the judge was willing to give you more? She advised me not to ask for what I think I will only get... but for what the best the children and I wish to get. Damned she's right... I think I have a good lawyer even though she's very young.

                            4- for spousal support, she told me not to worry. Under the temporary order where she has full custody and given primary parental role until the matter is resolved, there is no SS because the CS amount is already high. Even at a minimum wage salary, there would be no such payments. Only under a shared regime custody she would probably be entitled to SS for needs only, which is at the minimum scale for a limited time only. For sure, she is not entitled for compensatory alimony. Still my position is that she is not allowed at all.

                            I guest I'll spend the week working in my binder to update and note all what was done until now as for exchange of emails, negotiations to settle, historical of events/agenda, financials, court forms, and so... at least to keep track in case I'm ask for costs. This way I won't see the week going by doing nothing and thinking of it all the time. I wish I could turn the page NOW and call it OVER.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Some good advices from other posters were provided on this following thread;

                              http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...0/index13.html

                              Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                              If you did not provide consent then they judge at a CC cannot make that order. Also, you should have a good lawyer who could have waved Shaw v Shaw back at the judge and similar case law. Or at least be familiar with this VERY COMMON jurisprudence and easily argued for a motion to be heard and for it to be a long motion and that both parties prepare books of authorities on the matter.

                              See this thread: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/false-allegations-false-status-quo-shaw-v-shaw-cited-13457/

                              No excused anymore... Educate your lawyer if you have to! Never consent to something at a CC and drive matters to motion for determination. If you do consent to something don't complaint that the court system is biased because you made a decision to consent to something you state you didn't consent to...




                              Please repeat after me... I will read the link Tayken provided fully and any other links provided in the comments. I will educate my lawyer on the basics of Shaw v. Shaw and demand the lawyer follow my instruction to argue the matter in accordance with what has already been established in jurisprudence. If my lawyer is not willing to do this then I will see another lawyer who primarily practices in family law and understands what the norm is and actually knows how to search CanLII.


                              Here is the reference for Shaw v. Shaw: 2008 ONCJ 130 (CanLII)

                              Also read this one (para. 9 in particular): http://canlii.ca/t/gj3cm

                              Honestly, you didn't need to agree to how things typically went in 1988... As our prime minister has said: It is 2015 (now 2016). No reason you shouldn't have access - especially when your threat is against the other parent and not the children.

                              Good Luck!
                              Tayken
                              and also this one;

                              Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                              Shaw Vs. Shaw is great caselaw.

                              Conferences are tricky when it comes to allegations of abuse and supervision.

                              The judge isn't there to analyze all the evidence to see if the abuse actually occurred. Therein lies the problem. Dad wants to see kid -->mom saying dad's an abuser --> judge has to err on side of caution.

                              I made the mistake Tayken is talking about by consenting to supervised as well. I HAD to see my daughter no matter what. I just couldn't wait any longer and I know D4 couldn't either.

                              I remember asking the judge (and I still have the transcripts) ..

                              "Your honor, I don't agree that I require supervision. I have a clean drug test, clean record, etc. I have never been involved with police in my entire life and and Ms. ___ has nothing to back up her claims[".

                              Didn't matter. The judge told me he had no choice but to er on the side of caution. I then asked "Is this the ONLY way I get to see my D4?" To which he replied....yes, unfortunately.

                              I did schedule a motion then...but I couldn't go another hour without seeing D4 .. which would have been in another few months awaiting the motion. No way I could do that.

                              The cool thing was the judge wrote on his endorsement..."Although I see no requirement of supervision, Mr. LF32 will have supervised visits from.....". I believe this was a message for the subsequent judge at the motion, who we all know slammed my ex fairly hard for her behavior.

                              It's such a tough situation if it's the only way the OP is allowing you to see your child.
                              I thought it would be good to keep those advices/comments on my own thread for future reference.
                              Last edited by mafia007; 02-09-2016, 08:40 PM. Reason: Adding the input from the relevant posters

                              Comment

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