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I'm asking some advice from experience posters for some parenting tips for managing conflict with the ex.
I know through conversations she's had with my new partner that there's been increased agitation on the part of her father with regard to me and my new partner. My D shares a confidante-type of relationship with my bf and he'll tell me things that she says when we're alone if he thinks its important that I know. As I'm sure many children of divorce do, my D spends a lot of time negotiating what she says between both parents and protecting both of us. I know she's heard some pretty nasty stuff about me from her father and his family and she's a sensitive, lovely kid and tries really hard to manage this stuff. Adding to the mess is the fact that my ex no longer speaks with our oldest child at all.
He mentioned to me that my D has been getting yelled at a lot regarding my new partner. In particular with regard to me allowing him to babysit her during the summer months since he was able to take vacation time and I had to work. My ex prefers to leave my D at home alone all day from 6am to 5pm (with no phone in his home) and I refuse to do that. I instead used a camp for the month of July and managed Aug by taking vacation myself and arranging that my bf take vacation to babysit her. Apparently my ex blew his stack when he found out and has continued to do so everytime my partner's car is there. There's nothing my D can do about how I manage my household but my ex is a huge screamer and apparently she's been the main receiver of this behavior lately. I know how it goes because I obviously have a long past with him and the thought of my D suffering through that is pretty tough for me to think about. He's a pretty moody person in general but he's also a rager and will just go on and on yelling.
Now normally, I don't give a fig about what my ex thinks or does. I also know that there's probably very little I can or maybe even should do about the whole situation. My opinion last year was that it would blow over with time, however, that doesn't seem to be happening. I pay zero attention to what he does at his house. I have no idea whether or not he has a permanent gf although I'm aware that he dates and introduces our D to those dates as he sees fit.
My concern is this. Lately, I'm noticing a marked change in my D's mood on switch days along with some other concerning things. I know some of this is probably just normal because she's changing schedules but its to the point where she's almost despondent and depressed on those days. She drags around, doesn't want to go anywhere and will just want to cuddle quietly. She'll often nap in my bed and she isn't really a nap kinda kid.
I've told my D that she can tell me or ask me anything. However, she keeps things about her dad and his household mostly to herself which I actually have always thought was a good idea. However, her mood swings are concerning me a little because they're pretty dramatic. My partner and I will also eventually be making our relationship more permanent and I'm wondering if there's anything additionally I can/should do withing my circle of control to ease the tension. If anyone has any advice or tips, I'd appreciate it.
I know through conversations she's had with my new partner that there's been increased agitation on the part of her father with regard to me and my new partner. My D shares a confidante-type of relationship with my bf and he'll tell me things that she says when we're alone if he thinks its important that I know. As I'm sure many children of divorce do, my D spends a lot of time negotiating what she says between both parents and protecting both of us. I know she's heard some pretty nasty stuff about me from her father and his family and she's a sensitive, lovely kid and tries really hard to manage this stuff. Adding to the mess is the fact that my ex no longer speaks with our oldest child at all.
He mentioned to me that my D has been getting yelled at a lot regarding my new partner. In particular with regard to me allowing him to babysit her during the summer months since he was able to take vacation time and I had to work. My ex prefers to leave my D at home alone all day from 6am to 5pm (with no phone in his home) and I refuse to do that. I instead used a camp for the month of July and managed Aug by taking vacation myself and arranging that my bf take vacation to babysit her. Apparently my ex blew his stack when he found out and has continued to do so everytime my partner's car is there. There's nothing my D can do about how I manage my household but my ex is a huge screamer and apparently she's been the main receiver of this behavior lately. I know how it goes because I obviously have a long past with him and the thought of my D suffering through that is pretty tough for me to think about. He's a pretty moody person in general but he's also a rager and will just go on and on yelling.
Now normally, I don't give a fig about what my ex thinks or does. I also know that there's probably very little I can or maybe even should do about the whole situation. My opinion last year was that it would blow over with time, however, that doesn't seem to be happening. I pay zero attention to what he does at his house. I have no idea whether or not he has a permanent gf although I'm aware that he dates and introduces our D to those dates as he sees fit.
My concern is this. Lately, I'm noticing a marked change in my D's mood on switch days along with some other concerning things. I know some of this is probably just normal because she's changing schedules but its to the point where she's almost despondent and depressed on those days. She drags around, doesn't want to go anywhere and will just want to cuddle quietly. She'll often nap in my bed and she isn't really a nap kinda kid.
I've told my D that she can tell me or ask me anything. However, she keeps things about her dad and his household mostly to herself which I actually have always thought was a good idea. However, her mood swings are concerning me a little because they're pretty dramatic. My partner and I will also eventually be making our relationship more permanent and I'm wondering if there's anything additionally I can/should do withing my circle of control to ease the tension. If anyone has any advice or tips, I'd appreciate it.
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