Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Mother wants to change Custody Agreement

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Mother wants to change Custody Agreement

    We have had a custody arrangement for 3 years I have him every weekend and she has him during the week. We also share holidays and the summer 50/50.

    She is now requesting more access a weekend every month she sent me a written letter requesting to come to an agreement. This is not beneficial for me as I wouldn't see him for two weeks before seeing him again. I enjoy my weekends and I have made it as much of a routine for my son as I can.

    Her reasons are that she wants my son to spend more time with his sisters and play with some friends he has in that city. She also claims that he wants to spend more time there.

    should I give into this request?
    How likely would I be able to retain our custody arrangement if it went back to court?

    I kinda feel like I have no choice, because the courts always side with the mother.


    Could anyone give me any insight on what I should do? Thank you!

  • #2
    Originally posted by ChildLight View Post
    We have had a custody arrangement for 3 years I have him every weekend and she has him during the week. We also share holidays and the summer 50/50.

    She is now requesting more access a weekend every month she sent me a written letter requesting to come to an agreement. This is not beneficial for me as I wouldn't see him for two weeks before seeing him again. I enjoy my weekends and I have made it as much of a routine for my son as I can.

    Her reasons are that she wants my son to spend more time with his sisters and play with some friends he has in that city. She also claims that he wants to spend more time there.

    should I give into this request?
    How likely would I be able to retain our custody arrangement if it went back to court?

    I kinda feel like I have no choice, because the courts always side with the mother.


    Could anyone give me any insight on what I should do? Thank you!
    I would give it a go. There's no harm in some extra time with mom. It would be an extremely healthy move for you to say yes, unless there is any form of abuse, addictions, or other "significant" concerns.

    Having 2 loving parents in a child's life equally is extremely healthy for the child. Check out this thread (ignore the "noise" in it as it's a pretty touchy subject).
    http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post216584

    In my view the child deserves an equal relationship with his mother.

    Comment


    • #3
      She already sees him everyday Monday to Friday That means I would only see him three weekends a month. It would be less time with his father. That hardly seem healthy??

      Comment


      • #4
        Your arrangement is not something that would ever be ordered by a judge and I think if she went to court she would won.

        Why don't you have your kid on weekdays?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by ChildLight View Post
          We have had a custody arrangement for 3 years I have him every weekend and she has him during the week.
          That custody arrangement is almost completely unsupported by the courts. Maybe 3 out of 4 weekends, but every weekend? It is reasonable for the mother to want to see the children at least once a month, and probably good for the children as well.

          She is now requesting more access a weekend every month she sent me a written letter requesting to come to an agreement.
          What is your child support situation? In other words, is this a play from the mom to get more money or is it an actual request to spend time with the child? That could help inform your negotiations.

          This is not beneficial for me
          Never say that phrase again. Nobody care about you.

          "This is not beneficial for my child because..."

          I kinda feel like I have no choice, because the courts always side with the mother.
          You have no choice because your current custody arrangement is unreasonable.

          Can you have the kid during the week? Offer week about sharing, or 2-2-5-5, or 2-2-3, or some other 50% schedule. If you cannot have the kid during the week then to be honest you truly are not a 50% parent and you are about to become an EOW parent.

          You will get wrecked if you try to fight this in court.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ChildLight View Post
            She already sees him everyday Monday to Friday That means I would only see him three weekends a month. It would be less time with his father. That hardly seem healthy??
            is there a reason why you cannot get some extra time during the week to make up for it?

            Seeing a kid on the weekend vs weekday is different. Usually weekends are more relaxed and the ability to do day trips etc. Weekdays are filled with homework, school etc. It really isn't fair that one parent gets all the fun time weekends.

            Comment


            • #7
              Would the distance between you be amenable to having your existing three weekends extended to make up the time?

              I can see the other parent wanting at least one weekend and the child also would benefit from some weekend time with mom, especially if child was quite young when this arrangement began and now has a social circle in mom's neighborhood.

              Comment


              • #8
                So what's the point of the custody arrangement if she can just request a change whenever it seems suitable?

                Say I grant this weekend, who's to say she won't request two weekends next year?

                Especially if I will get wrecked in court?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by ChildLight View Post
                  So what's the point of the custody arrangement if she can just request a change whenever it seems suitable?
                  Your custody arrangement is ridiculous. The courts will not enforce ridiculous arrangements.

                  Say I grant this weekend, who's to say she won't request two weekends next year?
                  She almost certainly will request it, and get it.

                  That is why you need to start having the kid during the week.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Janus View Post
                    Your custody arrangement is ridiculous. The courts will not enforce ridiculous arrangements.

                    She almost certainly will request it, and get it.

                    That is why you need to start having the kid during the week.
                    I can't he lives in another city.

                    What about status quo? it's been working fine for three years.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      As the child is aging and growing more social, time with friends becomes very important to them. Spending every single weekend with dad may have been status quo, but the child's needs change.

                      I think it is reasonable to have a weekend at moms, both for time with friends, and for some downtime from school with mom. Given that distance is a factor, is there any way you can pick kid up on Friday after school and/or drop back on Monday morning on any of your weekends to have a little extra time? Not sure quite how great the distance is.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The thing about custody agreements is that they can be changed. Unfortunately you have an agreement that a court would not order for many reasons. I would request extra summer time or something to make up your time.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          If you agree during 10 school months, that gives her 20 extra days. Can you recoup that with 3 extra weeks during the summer? Are your weekends already as long as they can be i.e. Fri aft to Mon am?
                          Otherwise...Move closer. The distance is a big problem.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by ChildLight View Post
                            I can't he lives in another city.

                            What about status quo? it's been working fine for three years.
                            Then you are going to have to move where the child habitually resides or become an "every other weekend" parent. Parenting first... employment should be second.

                            Also if the other residence is <1h away then you will be driving a child back and forth to school.

                            If distance is your problem then you need to fix that. As Janus said... You are on the losing end of this debate in court. The other parent will get an EoW order. It is a slam dunk. The "every weekend" schedule is not one that a judge will order.

                            Sorry to say, parenting is not just a weekend event. It is an every day occurrence and if you are not willing to be a "weekday" parent then you will be an Every Other Weekend (EOW) parent.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Well say I move to his city, how likely is it to get 50/50 in court after this amount of time?

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X