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how do you detach from the legal aspect

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  • #16
    Originally posted by trinton View Post
    I've been wanting to talk to you about this. I've noticed in a lot of threads where mom's are seeking support, you give it to them biasedly. I've also noticed in a lot of my threads you're somewhat anti-men. I understand you're not the happiest camper with what your ex did to you but that doesn't necessarily mean that all men are the same.

    I don't obsess over anything. I'm a very cautious person. I do know how to relax. But parents don't just relax when their child is hurting. I'm already doing personal counselling. Been doing it for a while. I have made tons and tons of sacrifices and changes in my life for my daughter, and will continue to do so.

    If you would be more supportive of me, I would appreciate that. Otherwise, if you're going to jump on that "he just wants more time to reduce his child support" bang-wagon, then I'll likely need to put you on the ignore list. I'm not a big fan of people who jump to conclusions like that. Should I start accusing every-mother that comes on here of just wanting custody or primary access just to win and seek revenge just because they asked for child support and/or spousal support?


    I would I interpret Arabian's comments as actually trying to be supportive of you. You can tell she thinks about what to say before saying it. I believe she calls it like she sees it, man or woman. You don't have to agree with everyone here. I think it is consuming you too. I can literally feel the hurt you are going through in every post and do feel badly for you.
    I think Arabian and others are trying to tell you that like it or not, your situation is what it is for now (access parent) and you need to try to be more positive and focus on the good things you have right now. Negativity often bleeds through into all areas of one's life, even the ability to properly parent. You may not even realize. Your child may even sense it. It's f'n stressful, I know!! You need an off button though. Don't post so much. Find an outlet. Exercise? Just keep your eye on the goal but try not to obsess about the situation you're in so much.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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    • #17
      Originally posted by trinton View Post
      I've been wanting to talk to you about this. I've noticed in a lot of threads where mom's are seeking support, you give it to them biasedly. I've also noticed in a lot of my threads you're somewhat anti-men. I understand you're not the happiest camper with what your ex did to you but that doesn't necessarily mean that all men are the same.

      I don't obsess over anything. I'm a very cautious person. I do know how to relax. But parents don't just relax when their child is hurting. I'm already doing personal counselling. Been doing it for a while. I have made tons and tons of sacrifices and changes in my life for my daughter, and will continue to do so.

      If you would be more supportive of me, I would appreciate that. Otherwise, if you're going to jump on that "he just wants more time to reduce his child support" bang-wagon, then I'll likely need to put you on the ignore list. I'm not a big fan of people who jump to conclusions like that. Should I start accusing every-mother that comes on here of just wanting custody or primary access just to win and seek revenge just because they asked for child support and/or spousal support?

      Interesting you made this into a male/female thing. I am even more disappointed that you think I don't have a brain and can only express myself in terms of gender and that I will only side with women.

      I am being supportive of you in that I reply to your post. Consider yourself lucky.

      I guess you aren't at that place yet where you are able to hear things that you disagree with.

      Okay, carry on. Perhaps only people who agree with you will post in your threads.

      I will not respond to your threads/posts in the future.

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      • #18
        If arabians theory is correct, then Ange must only be opposing that 50-50 arrangement to "punish" the father and "win"

        Is the amount of child support she would be entitled to from the father really that much different? (if she agreed to a 50/50 situation)? Enough for Ange to spend thousands and thousands on lawyers? ... doesn't make sense to arabian.... doesn't add up. it's apparently a number game and all about money.

        I do see that you posted something arabian, but I don't actually see it. Take a guess.
        Last edited by trinton; 03-24-2017, 11:13 PM.

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        • #19
          You asked how you detach but don't want to hear about how to detach... the truth is you will never detach because you are so obsessed with your case. I'm not saying you are wrong to be obsessing but if it's consuming your life only you can change that. You are letting it consume your life.

          No one is saying don't fight for your child but every aspect of your life doesn't have to be about the legal issues going on. When you don't have a letter or something to respond to stop thinking about it. Stop worrying about how going out with your friends might be used against you, stop worrying about missing events with your daughter on your time. Mom dictates everything because you let her. You have scheduled time she cannot tell you what you can and cannot do on your scheduled time.

          No one can help you with this until you learn to let go a little bit. It's not easy at all and we often let certain things in life consume us but the reality is you need to let go of you want to detach.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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          • #20
            I think it's ok to recognize the divorce and process and traumatic and can "Engulf" you.

            I also think properly managing the divorce process and letting yourself be concerned with it is a good thing. The repercussions that come out of your divorce will impact you, and your children till you die.

            I've never regretted for one minute the time I spent on the divorce. I am a 100% better, smarter, informed and better person because of it.

            That being said, you need to recognize that you are either engaging in conflict because you are looking out for your best interests and the best interests of your kids or because you are stupid. As long as you can "make a difference" then spend the time, learning and researching. Once the conflict is over, move on to something else keeping the lessons about the injustice of the legal system.

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            • #21
              I agree with Tayken and Links; a divorce is a traumatic experience and it can indeed consume all your time and thoughts... if you let it. To me that was the key, to realize that the only person I can 'control' is myself. So I constantly have to remind myself that I have to focus on positive thoughts and just be the best dad that I can be. Some days are better than others.

              I used alot of the tips mentioned in this thread, some worked better than others. Listening to motivational and cbt related videos online helps at the moment.

              We cannot stop thoughts and feelings but they can be controlled, just takes time and effort.

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              • #22
                I've been dealing with mine since 2014 and it can really consume you and all of your thoughts and emotions. I really do find this board a great relief of allot of the unknowns and has helped me a great deal.

                I look back and I still can't believe how much this has taken from me. I really do get stronger everyday. Friends and Family I have also found have been the biggest support.

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