First off, thanks to everyone who contributes to this board. The education I've gained from this forum over the past few months has been tremendous. As things are getting serious with my separation I have some questions around Spousal Support and a Common Law relationship that I'd appreciate any feedback on.
My Situation:
In a relationship for 5 years, we started to live together in January 2012. She was married prior and finalized her divorce that same month. After moving in, things started taking a turn for the worse – we broke up multiple times (initiated by her) and she moved out on three occasions (for a few days). She became pregnant in December 2012 and moved out again for a week (I have email documentation of her breaking it off with me) but I felt extremely bad that I was letting the mother of my child go through this alone so I told her to stay in the house and we’d figure this out when he was born. We essentially lived apart under the same roof (not much love and no physical relationship since my son was conceived). My son was born on August 21st, 2013 and the relationship got more toxic given a combination of all the stresses that come with being new parents as well as her having PPD. This culminated in a massive argument in October of 2013 and her leaving the house to move in with her mother 25km away. Currently, as our son is breastfeeding she is restricting my time with my son to 1hr twice a week an a couple hours on the weekend. I have seen two family lawyers but have not retained anyone as we're going to try mediation first.
Financial Sitution:
Her - 32 - $47K per year (42K as office acct/receivables and 5k from teaching yoga)but she is currently on Mat Leave until August, no investments
Me -36 - $185K a year but I’m in sales so I could make my base 1-year (109k) or more depending on what I sell, 200K in investments and I own a 500K house with 240K left on the mortgage (all in my name)
What she wants:
Money $$$ - Her lawyer and he mother (who seems worse than any lawyer) told her she will get SS for 5 years (via divorcemate calculation) until my son is in full-time school and he’s also telling her she will get the equity in the house
Does not want to give me 50/50 access to my son and is using breastfeeding as a way to hold him hostage at this point. “I can breastfeed until he’s 18 months and you're a bad father if you think he should be on formula” is her comment to me.
What I want:
What’s best for my son – 50/50 parenting
To pay my CS in full
Not to fund her trips to trips to Tiffany and Lulu Lemon which SS will go towards – this includes not funding her to never work again (her preference)
I will consider giving her a 1-time payment to help her get a place and transition
What I’ve done to date:
I’ve met with a family lawyer and he insists that she will not get SS for 5 years based on a 22-month Common Law relationship
He confirmed that she has no right to restrict my time with my son
He told me to commence paying CS immediately, which I started on December 21st
He told me mediation or mediation/arbitration would be the easiest option and I could let the lawyers settle the financials if there is an impasse
Where we are at:
She has asked me to go to a Mediator of her lawyers choosing. I did an initial call with the mediator and she is all for shared parenting and does not get kickbacks from the lawyer’s referral. I’m in the midst of setting up the intake appt’s.
My ex will not go through mediation to only discuss custody and access unless spousal support is part of it.
She’s also playing down her income saying that if she was to get another job she could only make about $35k. She made $5K last year from teaching yoga ($50 p/h) as a certified yoga instructor and she also has a knitted hat business where she sells baby hats for $20 a piece (She has sold 70 so far in the past 3 months with nothing reported to the CRA). She has told me she won’t teach yoga anymore as it “stresses” her out.
My plan for mediation:
Joint Custody and 50/50 – no backing down.
I will ask for 50/50 to begin after my son is 1 year old and as much access as I can between then and now
I will pay full CS and I imagine 80% of Section 7 given my income
My question:
For a 22 month relationship with a child, mysupportcalculator for SS is coming up with 6-18 years and a significant portion of my income, which seems ludicrous. I will definitely ask my ex to prove entitlement and have her income imputed to account for yoga as well as the hat business but......
How do I handle the SS aspect in mediation? I imagine the mediator (social worker, not lawyer) will just type the number in divorce mate and tell us the guideline amount. How should I respond?
Do I try to negate mediation discussion of spousal and retain a lawyer to work it out with her lawyer in advance? Should I in good conscience just offer her a settlement amount if she agrees to 50/50?
Thanks in advance!!
My Situation:
In a relationship for 5 years, we started to live together in January 2012. She was married prior and finalized her divorce that same month. After moving in, things started taking a turn for the worse – we broke up multiple times (initiated by her) and she moved out on three occasions (for a few days). She became pregnant in December 2012 and moved out again for a week (I have email documentation of her breaking it off with me) but I felt extremely bad that I was letting the mother of my child go through this alone so I told her to stay in the house and we’d figure this out when he was born. We essentially lived apart under the same roof (not much love and no physical relationship since my son was conceived). My son was born on August 21st, 2013 and the relationship got more toxic given a combination of all the stresses that come with being new parents as well as her having PPD. This culminated in a massive argument in October of 2013 and her leaving the house to move in with her mother 25km away. Currently, as our son is breastfeeding she is restricting my time with my son to 1hr twice a week an a couple hours on the weekend. I have seen two family lawyers but have not retained anyone as we're going to try mediation first.
Financial Sitution:
Her - 32 - $47K per year (42K as office acct/receivables and 5k from teaching yoga)but she is currently on Mat Leave until August, no investments
Me -36 - $185K a year but I’m in sales so I could make my base 1-year (109k) or more depending on what I sell, 200K in investments and I own a 500K house with 240K left on the mortgage (all in my name)
What she wants:
Money $$$ - Her lawyer and he mother (who seems worse than any lawyer) told her she will get SS for 5 years (via divorcemate calculation) until my son is in full-time school and he’s also telling her she will get the equity in the house
Does not want to give me 50/50 access to my son and is using breastfeeding as a way to hold him hostage at this point. “I can breastfeed until he’s 18 months and you're a bad father if you think he should be on formula” is her comment to me.
What I want:
What’s best for my son – 50/50 parenting
To pay my CS in full
Not to fund her trips to trips to Tiffany and Lulu Lemon which SS will go towards – this includes not funding her to never work again (her preference)
I will consider giving her a 1-time payment to help her get a place and transition
What I’ve done to date:
I’ve met with a family lawyer and he insists that she will not get SS for 5 years based on a 22-month Common Law relationship
He confirmed that she has no right to restrict my time with my son
He told me to commence paying CS immediately, which I started on December 21st
He told me mediation or mediation/arbitration would be the easiest option and I could let the lawyers settle the financials if there is an impasse
Where we are at:
She has asked me to go to a Mediator of her lawyers choosing. I did an initial call with the mediator and she is all for shared parenting and does not get kickbacks from the lawyer’s referral. I’m in the midst of setting up the intake appt’s.
My ex will not go through mediation to only discuss custody and access unless spousal support is part of it.
She’s also playing down her income saying that if she was to get another job she could only make about $35k. She made $5K last year from teaching yoga ($50 p/h) as a certified yoga instructor and she also has a knitted hat business where she sells baby hats for $20 a piece (She has sold 70 so far in the past 3 months with nothing reported to the CRA). She has told me she won’t teach yoga anymore as it “stresses” her out.
My plan for mediation:
Joint Custody and 50/50 – no backing down.
I will ask for 50/50 to begin after my son is 1 year old and as much access as I can between then and now
I will pay full CS and I imagine 80% of Section 7 given my income
My question:
For a 22 month relationship with a child, mysupportcalculator for SS is coming up with 6-18 years and a significant portion of my income, which seems ludicrous. I will definitely ask my ex to prove entitlement and have her income imputed to account for yoga as well as the hat business but......
How do I handle the SS aspect in mediation? I imagine the mediator (social worker, not lawyer) will just type the number in divorce mate and tell us the guideline amount. How should I respond?
Do I try to negate mediation discussion of spousal and retain a lawyer to work it out with her lawyer in advance? Should I in good conscience just offer her a settlement amount if she agrees to 50/50?
Thanks in advance!!
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