Here goes nothing...
Yesterday was family day. S5 was in father's care last week and because our exchange is usually done Mondays through the school am & pm buses, this could not be done and I needed to pick up S5 at his father's home because of the holiday.
Ex sent me a txt asking that I call before picking up S5 so that he can bring him down to me. Ex lives in an apartment type house, upper level, with an outside staircase. My spouse and I were gone all day skating on the canal and I forgot my mobile at home. We had decided to go straight from activity to picking up S5, so I never saw the said txt message from ex.
Oh the door I wished I had never opened!!
When I got to the apartment, I rang the doorbell, I heard dogs barking through the side window that I could clearly see. Now, putting you in context, my ex has two pitbulls who have been known to be quite aggressive (have attacked and killed cats and attacked neighbors) and it was determined through court that the dogs should never be around our S5 at time of separation agreement proceedings, ex was shamed by judge, told that he should man up and get rid of the dogs.
While S5 was getting dressed and his father was getting his things together, the dogs would not stop barking. I asked plainly if his dogs were here to which he acknowledged they were with a simple "yeah" looking towards the floor.
I had never been to his home, this was an eye opener. The apartment was dirty and had the distinct smell of weed. Ex has been a smoker for years, to which was the basis of many of our relationship problems and arguments. He is very proactive in the whole weed consumption/will solve worldly problems bit... Even goes so far as to tell his clients that he needs to be high in order to perform his job, he's a tattoo shop owner/artist. We were ordered by the courts to attend post separation counseling and this issue was brought to the table, I discussed that I did not want our child to grow up in this type of addiction/lifestyle and he plainly did not care, told me in front of the therapist that he smokes when it pleases him. Throughout the four years that we've been separated, he's been visited by child services and has told them that he only smokes when our son is sleeping and thus even with our agreement stating that he will not consume/be under the influence of drugs while our son is in his care.
Still in shock, I packed up S5 and left to head to my parent's for dinner. At my parent's place, S5 started undressing from winter gear and he had multiple temporary tattoos on him. S5 then proudly showed us his collection, 29 tattoos to be correct. His arms, stomach, chest, back and neck are covered in skulls, guns, ninja turtles, flowers, dragons...This had happened previously and was discussed in post separation therapy and the therapist had come down on him and explained what "projection" was and how it could harm S5. It is also to be said that as of January, changes in our agreement were restricting ex to the exposure of S5 to ex's tattoo shop, no more than 30min/per day. I understand that this is ex's way of life but added the clause because people in our community had stated that our S5 was kept hours at a time in the shop, playing video games, running around, while ex tattoed clients.
Now last night, after S5 was sleeping, I couldn't hold back my tears. I cried for many hours. Thinking about what my son is being taught, what he observes while at his father's. That pain is definitely real, my protective nature kicking in full force. I ask myself and you these questions, when will enough be enough? Would the courts see four years of this crap, of ex not following court orders/agreements over and over and over again? Will these things even prove that he doesn't have S5 best interests, safety, well-being in mind...Needless to say, I will be contacting a lawyer shortly to seek advice.
RANT OVER! Thanks for any input, personal experiences and advice.
Yesterday was family day. S5 was in father's care last week and because our exchange is usually done Mondays through the school am & pm buses, this could not be done and I needed to pick up S5 at his father's home because of the holiday.
Ex sent me a txt asking that I call before picking up S5 so that he can bring him down to me. Ex lives in an apartment type house, upper level, with an outside staircase. My spouse and I were gone all day skating on the canal and I forgot my mobile at home. We had decided to go straight from activity to picking up S5, so I never saw the said txt message from ex.
Oh the door I wished I had never opened!!
When I got to the apartment, I rang the doorbell, I heard dogs barking through the side window that I could clearly see. Now, putting you in context, my ex has two pitbulls who have been known to be quite aggressive (have attacked and killed cats and attacked neighbors) and it was determined through court that the dogs should never be around our S5 at time of separation agreement proceedings, ex was shamed by judge, told that he should man up and get rid of the dogs.
While S5 was getting dressed and his father was getting his things together, the dogs would not stop barking. I asked plainly if his dogs were here to which he acknowledged they were with a simple "yeah" looking towards the floor.
I had never been to his home, this was an eye opener. The apartment was dirty and had the distinct smell of weed. Ex has been a smoker for years, to which was the basis of many of our relationship problems and arguments. He is very proactive in the whole weed consumption/will solve worldly problems bit... Even goes so far as to tell his clients that he needs to be high in order to perform his job, he's a tattoo shop owner/artist. We were ordered by the courts to attend post separation counseling and this issue was brought to the table, I discussed that I did not want our child to grow up in this type of addiction/lifestyle and he plainly did not care, told me in front of the therapist that he smokes when it pleases him. Throughout the four years that we've been separated, he's been visited by child services and has told them that he only smokes when our son is sleeping and thus even with our agreement stating that he will not consume/be under the influence of drugs while our son is in his care.
Still in shock, I packed up S5 and left to head to my parent's for dinner. At my parent's place, S5 started undressing from winter gear and he had multiple temporary tattoos on him. S5 then proudly showed us his collection, 29 tattoos to be correct. His arms, stomach, chest, back and neck are covered in skulls, guns, ninja turtles, flowers, dragons...This had happened previously and was discussed in post separation therapy and the therapist had come down on him and explained what "projection" was and how it could harm S5. It is also to be said that as of January, changes in our agreement were restricting ex to the exposure of S5 to ex's tattoo shop, no more than 30min/per day. I understand that this is ex's way of life but added the clause because people in our community had stated that our S5 was kept hours at a time in the shop, playing video games, running around, while ex tattoed clients.
Now last night, after S5 was sleeping, I couldn't hold back my tears. I cried for many hours. Thinking about what my son is being taught, what he observes while at his father's. That pain is definitely real, my protective nature kicking in full force. I ask myself and you these questions, when will enough be enough? Would the courts see four years of this crap, of ex not following court orders/agreements over and over and over again? Will these things even prove that he doesn't have S5 best interests, safety, well-being in mind...Needless to say, I will be contacting a lawyer shortly to seek advice.
RANT OVER! Thanks for any input, personal experiences and advice.
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