Where to begin, sorry if this thread is really long. My ex and I started dating in 2002, around 3 months after we started dating he moved in with my parents and I (wasn't paying any rent). Around 3 months after that he got into a really bad car accident (he ended up being unable to work for 1 1/2 years after that) - he proceeded with a civil case for a settlement, and he was receiveing accident benefits (still wasn't paying any rent).
From the time of the accident (he had broke his back and was in a brace for 6 months), he lived with us and I did everything for him including bathing him (he couldn't take the brace off to get in the tub), changing him, making his food, cleaning up after him, driving him to appointments etc.
He continued to live with us until about August 2003 when we split because of his having a drug problem (percoset/cocaine) and cheating on me. In September 2003 he begged me to take him back and like an idiot I did.
From that point (sept 2003) until we moved out, he lived with my parents and I. After being off of work because of the accident, he worked at a couple of different jobs (nothing steady until 2006) while I worked either fulltime or parttime while attending university. From Sept 2003 to around April 2006 he paid absolutely no rent and would drive mine or my parents cars as he had no vehicle of his own. In April 2006, he started paying a minimal $50 a week (don't ask me why I allowed this, I'm still trying to figure it out - but hey hindsight is 20/20 and I was in love with him).
Skip forward to November 2007 - he receives his accident settlement somewhere to the tune of $350,000. I find out after the fact that he lied to the insurance company stating that he was living at home with his parents so that they received additional monies for his "care" over that time period - over and above the settlement he received. I found out one night when he was drunk and he told me his lawyer told him he wasn't supposed to tell me because my parents might try to steal his money from him. I was angry that he had lied and we'd had an argument about everything - in response to this argument he gave my parents $5000 as a gift for the past 5 years because he felt guilty for lying after all my parents had done for him.
In April 2008, he asked me to marry him while on a trip to Dominican with his parents. As soon as we got back he started to push really hard for us to buy a house - I asked for him to hold off as I was still finishing my final semester at university because I couldnt afford half of all the monthly payments, but he was very persistent as were his parents that we buy a place asap. It was around this time that I now know that he started using again, unfortunately I had no idea as I was working and going to school at nights.
With his parents approval, we bought a house with the closing date towards the end of August 2008. Alot of things were happening that I didn't catch on to at the time, but now looking back there were all kinds of things going on behind the scenes.
His parents were stealing money from him as they had convinced him when he received the settlement that he should keep the money in their names just in case someone would try to go after him for it (specifically he was charged with assault causing bodily harm and they were afraid the guy he assaulted would try to sue him for damages). The day before we split, he had just found $22,000 missing from his account - in addition to the almost $20,000 he had given his parents and $50,000 his father gave his brother out of his account to buy a brand new $30,000 truck and start his "landscaping" company.
As we were buying the house he told me that his mother would have to co-sign the mortgage for us because we couldn't get it on our own (despite him putting 30% of the purchase price as a downpayment in cash. I found out after we had split that this was a complete lie. His parents wanted his mother on for survivor benefits so that if anything happened to him his half of the house would go to her). So when we bought the house, it was split with us as joint tenants with 99% interest and his mother as tenant in common with 1% interest.
After the house closed, around 8 days after we moved in to make a long story short he kicked me out of the house. Once on the Sat. when he was all drunk and stoned and then again on the Sun and asked for my engagement ring etc. To this day I have no idea what it was over, at the time of the fight it was because I hadn't made his mother a sandwich when we were moving in - in the months leading up to us moving in he started to become really abusive and was angry that i didnt perform my "wifely" duties to his liking (now I know too he was cheating on me as another girl moved in with him shortly afterwards, so I'm assuming that's may have had something to do with it).
Fast forward to now. After being severely depressed because of everything, in November 2008 he started to try to have my name removed from the house. After the 5 1/2 odd years of my family supporting him etc. I told him I wasn't going to just walk away for nothing after everything he has done to me.
We came to an agreement for a settlement of $10,000 as I can not afford a lawyer. However, when we were using a paralegal to try and get the minutes of settlement signed we discovered that they did not include a release of me from the mortgage. We signed the minutes back to include a realease. His lawyers have now came back saying that it will "cost him an extraordinary amount of expense" to have my name removed, so they want me to remove myself from the title but stay on the mortgage for the next 4 years.
I have subsequently found out that the mortage is open and there is not penalty associated with me being removed, the issue is now that he apparently decided back in January he was going to be a "poker player" and quit his job. Apparently they didn't think that far ahead when they started pushing for me to be removed from the house that he may not now qualify for a mortgage now that he doesn't have a job - or else he'll have to put a considerable amount more down on the house.
What can I do here? I am immensely angry at the turmoil I let this man cause in my life for 6 years and he's still doing it! The settlement we agreed to because I just didn't want this to continue to go on but at the same time I couldn't let him get away with everything after him using myself and my family. I just can't fathom why it's acceptable for me to be taken off of the house but stay on the mortgage so that he can continue to be unemployed and party all day and blow the rest of his settlement. No part of this seems fair to me at all. Any advice?
From the time of the accident (he had broke his back and was in a brace for 6 months), he lived with us and I did everything for him including bathing him (he couldn't take the brace off to get in the tub), changing him, making his food, cleaning up after him, driving him to appointments etc.
He continued to live with us until about August 2003 when we split because of his having a drug problem (percoset/cocaine) and cheating on me. In September 2003 he begged me to take him back and like an idiot I did.
From that point (sept 2003) until we moved out, he lived with my parents and I. After being off of work because of the accident, he worked at a couple of different jobs (nothing steady until 2006) while I worked either fulltime or parttime while attending university. From Sept 2003 to around April 2006 he paid absolutely no rent and would drive mine or my parents cars as he had no vehicle of his own. In April 2006, he started paying a minimal $50 a week (don't ask me why I allowed this, I'm still trying to figure it out - but hey hindsight is 20/20 and I was in love with him).
Skip forward to November 2007 - he receives his accident settlement somewhere to the tune of $350,000. I find out after the fact that he lied to the insurance company stating that he was living at home with his parents so that they received additional monies for his "care" over that time period - over and above the settlement he received. I found out one night when he was drunk and he told me his lawyer told him he wasn't supposed to tell me because my parents might try to steal his money from him. I was angry that he had lied and we'd had an argument about everything - in response to this argument he gave my parents $5000 as a gift for the past 5 years because he felt guilty for lying after all my parents had done for him.
In April 2008, he asked me to marry him while on a trip to Dominican with his parents. As soon as we got back he started to push really hard for us to buy a house - I asked for him to hold off as I was still finishing my final semester at university because I couldnt afford half of all the monthly payments, but he was very persistent as were his parents that we buy a place asap. It was around this time that I now know that he started using again, unfortunately I had no idea as I was working and going to school at nights.
With his parents approval, we bought a house with the closing date towards the end of August 2008. Alot of things were happening that I didn't catch on to at the time, but now looking back there were all kinds of things going on behind the scenes.
His parents were stealing money from him as they had convinced him when he received the settlement that he should keep the money in their names just in case someone would try to go after him for it (specifically he was charged with assault causing bodily harm and they were afraid the guy he assaulted would try to sue him for damages). The day before we split, he had just found $22,000 missing from his account - in addition to the almost $20,000 he had given his parents and $50,000 his father gave his brother out of his account to buy a brand new $30,000 truck and start his "landscaping" company.
As we were buying the house he told me that his mother would have to co-sign the mortgage for us because we couldn't get it on our own (despite him putting 30% of the purchase price as a downpayment in cash. I found out after we had split that this was a complete lie. His parents wanted his mother on for survivor benefits so that if anything happened to him his half of the house would go to her). So when we bought the house, it was split with us as joint tenants with 99% interest and his mother as tenant in common with 1% interest.
After the house closed, around 8 days after we moved in to make a long story short he kicked me out of the house. Once on the Sat. when he was all drunk and stoned and then again on the Sun and asked for my engagement ring etc. To this day I have no idea what it was over, at the time of the fight it was because I hadn't made his mother a sandwich when we were moving in - in the months leading up to us moving in he started to become really abusive and was angry that i didnt perform my "wifely" duties to his liking (now I know too he was cheating on me as another girl moved in with him shortly afterwards, so I'm assuming that's may have had something to do with it).
Fast forward to now. After being severely depressed because of everything, in November 2008 he started to try to have my name removed from the house. After the 5 1/2 odd years of my family supporting him etc. I told him I wasn't going to just walk away for nothing after everything he has done to me.
We came to an agreement for a settlement of $10,000 as I can not afford a lawyer. However, when we were using a paralegal to try and get the minutes of settlement signed we discovered that they did not include a release of me from the mortgage. We signed the minutes back to include a realease. His lawyers have now came back saying that it will "cost him an extraordinary amount of expense" to have my name removed, so they want me to remove myself from the title but stay on the mortgage for the next 4 years.
I have subsequently found out that the mortage is open and there is not penalty associated with me being removed, the issue is now that he apparently decided back in January he was going to be a "poker player" and quit his job. Apparently they didn't think that far ahead when they started pushing for me to be removed from the house that he may not now qualify for a mortgage now that he doesn't have a job - or else he'll have to put a considerable amount more down on the house.
What can I do here? I am immensely angry at the turmoil I let this man cause in my life for 6 years and he's still doing it! The settlement we agreed to because I just didn't want this to continue to go on but at the same time I couldn't let him get away with everything after him using myself and my family. I just can't fathom why it's acceptable for me to be taken off of the house but stay on the mortgage so that he can continue to be unemployed and party all day and blow the rest of his settlement. No part of this seems fair to me at all. Any advice?
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