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  • Ex is dating...complete 360 !

    Can anyone give me advice on how to work around this...

    My ex has been seeing someone which is great...I was hoping it would be the push he needs to speed this up as I can't afford court.

    At the beginning he was very amicable, and much more pleasant with me (more than he has been in the past 14 years ! )...Now they are apparently getting more serious and he has done a 360 and is absolutely wicked again with me... Why ? Wouldn't you dating somebody seriously make you happier in general ? Any advice on how to handle or just go back to radio silence until he stops/eases up...

    Thanks

  • #2
    His new hearthrob may be the cause of the animosity - happens all the time.

    It's too bad some people don't have the guts to say "She WAS my wife but we're divorced now. We will always, however, be linked by our past together. Get over it."

    Cheers!

    Gary

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Gary M View Post
      It's too bad some people don't have the guts to say "She WAS my wife but we're divorced now. We will always, however, be linked by our past together. Get over it."
      Hear, Hear!

      Radio Silence is probably a good thing right now.
      Don't rise to the occasion.
      Water off a ducks back.
      Wish I could follow my own advice, though.
      LOL
      Last edited by wretchedotis; 03-29-2012, 05:37 PM.

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      • #4
        Radio silence is the best. Now we only communicate through lawyers and at court which is a relief. Girlfriend interference has cost him megabucks as I absolutely refuse to talk to him now. Make sure your lawyer has all the court issues in a private setting where the girlfriend can't attend and "coach" him. We've had her removed from the courtroom - drives her crazy.

        Good luck

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Gary M View Post
          His new hearthrob may be the cause of the animosity - happens all the time.

          It's too bad some people don't have the guts to say "She WAS my wife but we're divorced now. We will always, however, be linked by our past together. Get over it."

          Cheers!

          Gary
          This website needs a "Like" Button.
          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

          Comment


          • #6
            I was the new girlfriend and now the wife. In my husband's case, it was simply that he no longer said how high when she said jump. She didn't like that very much and 5 years later, nothing has changed.

            There isn't a lot of room in a relationship for an ex, LOL.

            Don't take it personally, just live your life and only deal with him when you need to.
            Last edited by CCB; 03-29-2012, 06:54 PM.

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            • #7
              May May: Gary is right. He's probably whipped. Such a sad sight.

              I say RADIO SILENCE and kill him w/kindness when you must respond. No rhyme or reason sometimes -- my ex is re-married and we don't even talk but he's still a total a*shole. The occasional text/email - always a jerk. I'm glad he's with someone. I just don't know how anyone can stand him lol.

              How old are your kids? Perhaps it would be a good idea if you met the new lucky lady After all, she will be around the kids. Would be a perfect opportunity to demonstrate that you are a good, decent person and happy for your ex

              Hahaha WretchedOtis: I sometimes have problemos with my own advice too, but I'm gettin' better at it
              Last edited by hadenough; 03-29-2012, 07:04 PM.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by hadenough View Post
                MHow old are your kids? Perhaps it would be a good idea if you met the new lucky lady After all, she will be around the kids. Would be a perfect opportunity to demonstrate that you are a good, decent person and happy for your ex
                That sounds like a baaaaaad idea... It's already a hostile situation. I'd leave it for at least long enough to know his relationship is serious and things calm down. Just play the nice guy. Who knows what lies he's told her about you.

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                • #9
                  Oh May_May are will living the same life? Ex was way easier to deal with before the girlfriend. I’m calking mine’s new attitude up to “wow she really doesn’t care if I date, well that pisses me off more!”
                  I’d go radio silence in the hopes it will eventually blow over.
                  Good luck!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    When I was still with my DD's mother, she 'supported' me in my split with my prior ex'es by calling them all sorts of names. Unfortunately, she somehow hadn't picked up on the fact that they were still VERY good friends of mine.

                    So perhaps the new GF is 'supporting' him in encouraging him to believe he is blameless, and you are evil incarnate.

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                    • #11
                      @Clean: may may said they "are apparently getting more serious." I took that to mean that perhaps they are moving in together or otherwise officially attached at the hip.

                      At some point (doesn't work for everyone) I think people should have some introduction to ex's significant other/new squeeze, if the kids are there a good portion of the time.

                      It really depends on a lot of things. Tracy123 reports a similar change w/her ex as well. Funny, as I would be inclined to think it would make the person more pleasant. It looks like I mighta been wrong about that :/

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                      • #12
                        THANKS EVERYONE...I am back to full Radio Silence. I assumed him seeing someone would make him happier ... bad assumption. It might because I haven't 'flinched' or commented about her that he is upset. As we have children together, we need to have some sort of workable 'relationship. Right now I'm just being nicer, and ignoring the sarcasm / anger being directed at me.

                        We are going to be in court...just a matter of time and finances. I am seriously thinking I need to do self-representation so I can get this done and get the $ for my house from him. Do I need to keep any logs or anything so that the gf will be kept out of the courtroom. Any discussions should be between the two of us.

                        Hadenough...Yes-agreed. The counsellor/coach for our eldest told both of us in the same session (about a month ago) that if we are seeing someone, we need to make the other one aware before they are introduced to the children. He nodded his head and said absolutely...and then I ducked as the lightning went through the window and pierced his left foot.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          His new hearthrob may be the cause of the animosity - happens all the time.

                          It's too bad some people don't have the guts to say "She WAS my wife but we're divorced now. We will always, however, be linked by our past together. Get over it."
                          Well said.

                          I really do not understand new gf/bf's that get involved in their new partner's divorce. There's no possible way it could have a positive outcome and frankly, the dissolution of the marriage is none of their business. If a person is grown up enough to get married, then they should be grown up enough to handle their own divorce.

                          Supporting your partner, being there for them, listening to them vent, supporting their children...all good things.

                          Interfering in the legalities of their divorce...disaster in the making.

                          Divorce is temporary...the aftermath is forever. I think there's a higher chance of success of people having manageable relationships afterwards if they are an adult and handle the dissolution of their marriage with the same person they entered it with.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            PH-You and Gary are spot on.
                            The responses I am getting via email are not his 'words' anymore. I'm sure he's giving the computer over to the gf to respond.
                            As if there isn't enough difficulties with the situation than having to now deal with someone else having a say ! It's getting more difficult. You would also expect that if the 'gf' or 'bf' is also divorced and has children, that they would understand and support their partner...but stay out of it.
                            It's adding to the stress...hitting the gym after my sons hockey tonight, and hot yoga in the am to burn off some of it...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'm sorry May May...you have my condolences.

                              My new partner divorced recently after a very longterm marriage and while I trust him, believe in him and listen to him when he needs to talk about it...I also know that there's only two people who know what happens/happened inside a marriage. And that's the two people that were actually in it. He also has lovely children and I respect the job she did/does as a mother.

                              I would never do anything to antagonize her...to me, it must be hard enough to lose such a great guy without me rubbing it in while she's in mourning for the demise of her marriage.

                              And while I often need support from him, my divorce is my responsibility. I would never ask him to help me with it or to come to the court house to antagonize my stbx spouse.

                              In my opinion, anyone who interferes in this way is going to ensure more conflict and more trauma to the children. Its karma.

                              I'm sorry you're dealing with more grief in an already difficult situation. Shame on your stbx for not being a grown up and handling it himself.

                              Comment

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