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I am a mom of 3 kiddies (8,6 and 4) I seperated 3 years ago. Was in a common-law relationship for 8 years. My ex partner was 17 years my senior and he was very controlling emotional and mentally abusive and not suprisingly still is. Finally left the relationship and began custody arrangements through a lawyer. He wouldn't agree to anything with regards to the children and was fighting for sole custody and the ability to re-locate back to BC where we met. This past spring we were supposed to go to court and I was worn out and he finally agreed to sign and agreement. But he insisted he get sole custody of the kids. i was never going to see a penny from he hasn't paid taxes in over 10 years. I just finished college. The agreement was in black and white divided the time well with the kids and it said we both have decision making ability on medical issues etc...so I signed the agreement. I know we regret it because there was no reason we couldn't have had joint custody even if he had primary residency of the kids. But I always know when I get the kids so that is what I think is important. Alternating weekends and Wed to thurs every week. As well as alternating holidays. We both get 1 week at x mas and 2 weeks in the summer. I don't pay him anything. So it isn't a bad agreement but i guess i was hoping he would be more flexible with the time with the kids. there have been so many occasions I had fun things to do with them and he wouldn't let me see the kids which is so selfish. But it is expected he is a very selfish jealous person and is angry because of my new relationship and how much the kids enjoy being with me.
My new new relationship is with a great guy who has 2 kids same age as my 2 oldest. I did not want to give him sole custody but felt our circumstances would benefit him having the kids during the week as I will be working full time. He is self employed and can pick up and drop off kids at school etc.. Apart from being a jerk to me for the most part he is great with the kids and has done a lot with them. However, he is not a good father in some ways as well like talking badly to the kids about me and my new situation and not be flexible in letting me spend time with the kids. it is very unfortunate that he is still so angry that he cannot see the problems he is creating for the children. This past summer he has been especially difficult taking his vacation without letting me know keeping kids for long periods of time and being very difficult to deal with.
When i left the relationship I left with nothing. No money never got any of our household items, he wouldn't even let me have any of my belongings or gifts he had given me. I may never see any of my children's baby pics and keepsakes. It is all very sad. I was a good partner to him and tried to make the relationship work but got worn down by the put downs lack of emotional support and his controlling ways. Not to mention he is a narcassist inside and out. I am very sensitive, people pleasing happy go lucky kinda person, I am young in shape and attractive to describe myself. And not to mention that more than once during our relationship he was looking for intimate encounters on dating sites. I will never know if he actually cheated on me but I wouldn't be surprised. So that to me was the straw that broke the camels back. I felt like he had stolen my spirit. our life was chaotic living moth to month, moving 8 times in 8 years I was lonely we had no roots and I was struggling to keep myself together for the kids. the stress was wearing me down physically I lost a significant amount of weight and was depressed. needless to say we ended up moving to Ontario from BC for reasons to get out of BC and we lived in Barrie for 8 months he wasn't happy there so then we were going to move to Winnipeg where he is originally from. I am from Ottawa that is where my family is. Anyway I went to stay with my Mom for a month while he moved and found a place in Winnipeg and that is when I decided to leave. he always thought I had planned it but it was like I a safe place to finally see that this was not what I wanted and decided it was best for me to end the relationship and seeking the support of my family told him. He was enraged but moved to Ottawa and found a place close to my Moms.
Not sure where this situation is going with my ex. The stress he is causing the kids brings out the Mother Bear in me. I just want to have an amicable relationship with him so we can both raise our kids and give them the best childhood possible. he has not moved on which is unfortunate in 3 years I don't think he has dated. he lives and works from home has no real friends. It is really sad to me. But we are all responsible for our own happiness.
Well that is a shortened version if you can believe it of my situation. But this is the jist of it all...I will explain more of my challenges of late in my next post.
I am a mom of 3 kiddies (8,6 and 4) I seperated 3 years ago. Was in a common-law relationship for 8 years. My ex partner was 17 years my senior and he was very controlling emotional and mentally abusive and not suprisingly still is. Finally left the relationship and began custody arrangements through a lawyer. He wouldn't agree to anything with regards to the children and was fighting for sole custody and the ability to re-locate back to BC where we met. This past spring we were supposed to go to court and I was worn out and he finally agreed to sign and agreement. But he insisted he get sole custody of the kids. i was never going to see a penny from he hasn't paid taxes in over 10 years. I just finished college. The agreement was in black and white divided the time well with the kids and it said we both have decision making ability on medical issues etc...so I signed the agreement. I know we regret it because there was no reason we couldn't have had joint custody even if he had primary residency of the kids. But I always know when I get the kids so that is what I think is important. Alternating weekends and Wed to thurs every week. As well as alternating holidays. We both get 1 week at x mas and 2 weeks in the summer. I don't pay him anything. So it isn't a bad agreement but i guess i was hoping he would be more flexible with the time with the kids. there have been so many occasions I had fun things to do with them and he wouldn't let me see the kids which is so selfish. But it is expected he is a very selfish jealous person and is angry because of my new relationship and how much the kids enjoy being with me.
My new new relationship is with a great guy who has 2 kids same age as my 2 oldest. I did not want to give him sole custody but felt our circumstances would benefit him having the kids during the week as I will be working full time. He is self employed and can pick up and drop off kids at school etc.. Apart from being a jerk to me for the most part he is great with the kids and has done a lot with them. However, he is not a good father in some ways as well like talking badly to the kids about me and my new situation and not be flexible in letting me spend time with the kids. it is very unfortunate that he is still so angry that he cannot see the problems he is creating for the children. This past summer he has been especially difficult taking his vacation without letting me know keeping kids for long periods of time and being very difficult to deal with.
When i left the relationship I left with nothing. No money never got any of our household items, he wouldn't even let me have any of my belongings or gifts he had given me. I may never see any of my children's baby pics and keepsakes. It is all very sad. I was a good partner to him and tried to make the relationship work but got worn down by the put downs lack of emotional support and his controlling ways. Not to mention he is a narcassist inside and out. I am very sensitive, people pleasing happy go lucky kinda person, I am young in shape and attractive to describe myself. And not to mention that more than once during our relationship he was looking for intimate encounters on dating sites. I will never know if he actually cheated on me but I wouldn't be surprised. So that to me was the straw that broke the camels back. I felt like he had stolen my spirit. our life was chaotic living moth to month, moving 8 times in 8 years I was lonely we had no roots and I was struggling to keep myself together for the kids. the stress was wearing me down physically I lost a significant amount of weight and was depressed. needless to say we ended up moving to Ontario from BC for reasons to get out of BC and we lived in Barrie for 8 months he wasn't happy there so then we were going to move to Winnipeg where he is originally from. I am from Ottawa that is where my family is. Anyway I went to stay with my Mom for a month while he moved and found a place in Winnipeg and that is when I decided to leave. he always thought I had planned it but it was like I a safe place to finally see that this was not what I wanted and decided it was best for me to end the relationship and seeking the support of my family told him. He was enraged but moved to Ottawa and found a place close to my Moms.
Not sure where this situation is going with my ex. The stress he is causing the kids brings out the Mother Bear in me. I just want to have an amicable relationship with him so we can both raise our kids and give them the best childhood possible. he has not moved on which is unfortunate in 3 years I don't think he has dated. he lives and works from home has no real friends. It is really sad to me. But we are all responsible for our own happiness.
Well that is a shortened version if you can believe it of my situation. But this is the jist of it all...I will explain more of my challenges of late in my next post.
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