New to the Site

[RobertH]

Well I am new (getting a divorce) here. My soon to be ex wife and I told our kids last night. I thought I would DIE. I have felt alot of physical pain but this was the worst. We are going at it with care, one step at a time ( sound like a Doc Phil).
We were both at fault, maybe me more but I will deal with it. Can anyone tell me why when I see and talk to my soon to be ex I want to scream! Is it because it was her that had enough and ended it? Is it because I am guilty that I think is all my fault? Is it because of the kids hurt? WHAT?? You know the Meatloaf song " I will do anything for love but I wont do that", Thant was me.
I wouldnt in her eyes sacrifice what was important to me to show that I loved her unconditionally. Well look at me all over the page and I dont even know any of you.
Thanks for the afternoon vent.

[Mess]

You have a right to be yourself, you have a right to some space and privacy in a relationship to enjoy being yourself. You also have to extend that to your spouse. Don't beat yourself up for not becoming a totally different person to please her, if that was her expectation, it was never realistice and it was never in the marriage vows.

You need some downtime. No marriage ever breaks down due to the fault of one person. Go get some massage therapy, and then check into some counselling.

Read "Surviving your Divorce" by Cochrane, a Toronto divorce lawyer. It's good legal information, and he also gets into the emotional phases you will go through.

[RobertH]

Thanks your post, I needed that! You sound like my family(Mom and Dad). As for the counseling, been there and quit it. I tried Marriage Counseling (alone) and I am just a little skeptical on that subject at this time.
I did try to get her to go but she always said, there you go, your way what about doing what I want.
See there I go again. What an emotional Roller Coaster!!
Thanks

[standing on the sidelines]

Thanks your post, I needed that! You sound like my family(Mom and Dad). As for the counseling, been there and quit it. I tried Marriage Counseling (alone) and I am just a little skeptical on that subject at this time.
I did try to get her to go but she always said, there you go, your way what about doing what I want.
See there I go again. What an emotional Roller Coaster!!
Thanks

sometimes you have to go through a few different counsellors to find one that "fits" with you. She didnt want to go because she doesnt believe there is anything worth saving. It is never one persons fault but it is easy to blame the other.

[besidehim]

living a lie is not living at all...

and if you were unhappy, she in turn would be happy...

and i know you still love her and want her to be happy...

you have beautiful babies together and are blessed for that...

try to keep anger, jealousy and pettiness out of this... the smoother this goes the better the relationship the 2 of you can retain, the better it is for you kids and those kids are all that matter most.

[hrobins]

Well to the site RobertH and I am sorry to hear about your upcoming divorce. It is a tough process and it is a good thing you got some support backing you up.