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  • When Introverts and Extroverts Collide

    Extroverts Married to Introverts – What To Do?? | Personality Profiles Blog

    Interesting little article on how couples deal with stress and personalities clashes.

    Yes, I’m seriously introverted. I don’t like parties, stinky bars - I loathe small talk and I feel overwhelmed in crowded noisy restaurants. I’ll overcome my dislike of crowds if the payoff is worth it, like with hockey games, kids birthday parties or Rolling Stone concerts. I don't suffer from agoraphobia, I'm simply what you call a 'homebody'.

    My ex, on the other hand, was the total opposite. Whenever he needed to recharge his batteries he had to be surrounded by people. He could not tolerate spending quiet time puttering at home and would get 'hyper' upset when friends or family where not available to join in on his plans.

    They say opposites attract, I disagree. I won't say that our separation was caused by our different temperaments though it didn't help things. As the years went by, the gap seemed overwhelming ....

  • #2
    I agree with you, opposites do not attract. Most people I suspect are a combination of extravert and introvert, they are not mutually exclusive.

    Comment


    • #3
      My wife is more of a home body. I am much more likely to go out for the sake of going out. While I love my wife, I find myself needing some space the company of others on occasion. I just need to get out of the house as I start to feel Closter phobic.

      But we both understand that the other is like and that. My wife and I spend quality time most of the time, but I get my odd day to go out and unwind.

      Comment


      • #4
        They say opposites attract, I disagree. I won't say that our separation was caused by our different temperaments though it didn't help things. As the years went by, the gap seemed overwhelming ....
        I think all the differences add to the issues. My ex was very much a morning person and I'm sooooo not. I'm a night owl. I get most housework, paperwork and I exercise at night. It definitely drove me up a wall when I would work 14-16 hour days all week, manage the kids and the house and my ex during marriage would wake me up on weekend mornings. It used to literally ruin my weekends every single week for more years than I can remember. We had separate rooms for most of our marriage and I'd lock my door but he'd make a point to make enough noise to wake me up. He HATED that I slept late.

        These days...me and the bf sleep late and then wake up for a long walk and then brunch. My kids are just like me...so they enjoy not having to be woken up at the crack of dawn on non-school/workdays too.

        I know it seems trivial but being with someone with the same habits as you is very important. Its also important to be with someone who shares the way you see the world. I had a long list of requirements when I was dating after separation and you should never settle for anyone who doesn't meet your needs once you truly figure out who you are and what you want.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post

          I know it seems trivial but being with someone with the same habits as you is very important. Its also important to be with someone who shares the way you see the world. I had a long list of requirements when I was dating after separation and you should never settle for anyone who doesn't meet your needs once you truly figure out who you are and what you want.
          Nothing trivial about it, I agree. Next time around (if there is a next time) I would put more effort in finding out who the person really is and how they deal with life in general. I was in my early twenties when I met my ex - he was hot and had a nice car . Three decades later, he still has a nice car!

          Comment


          • #6
            when I met my ex - he was hot and had a nice car . Three decades later, he still has a nice car!
            hahahahahahahaha...that's awesome.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by pursuinghappiness View Post
              hahahahahahahaha...that's awesome.
              Originally posted by janibel View Post
              nothing trivial about it, i agree. Next time around (if there is a next time) i would put more effort in finding out who the person really is and how they deal with life in general. I was in my early twenties when i met my ex - he was hot and had a nice car . Three decades later, he still has a nice car!
              lol..................

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                I think all the differences add to the issues. My ex was very much a morning person and I'm sooooo not. I'm a night owl. I get most housework, paperwork and I exercise at night. It definitely drove me up a wall when I would work 14-16 hour days all week, manage the kids and the house and my ex during marriage would wake me up on weekend mornings. It used to literally ruin my weekends every single week for more years than I can remember. We had separate rooms for most of our marriage and I'd lock my door but he'd make a point to make enough noise to wake me up. He HATED that I slept late.

                These days...me and the bf sleep late and then wake up for a long walk and then brunch. My kids are just like me...so they enjoy not having to be woken up at the crack of dawn on non-school/workdays too.

                I know it seems trivial but being with someone with the same habits as you is very important. Its also important to be with someone who shares the way you see the world. I had a long list of requirements when I was dating after separation and you should never settle for anyone who doesn't meet your needs once you truly figure out who you are and what you want.
                It's not necessarily about having the same habits. What you had with your ex was not an irreconcilable difference between two people. What you had was one person not respecting the other person. Your ex deliberately deprived you of necessary sleep because he did not agree with the hours in which you accomplished it. Two people can be very different and get along just fine if they respect those differences and make mutual accommodations for them. When he went to bed before you, were you quiet and didnt wake him up? Night owls and morning people can be together just fine, as long as they respect the other persons needs.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by oink View Post
                  True to # 1....emphasis on respect and mutual accommodations

                  #2....I like the question mark you had there, unfortunately we only have one-side

                  Am a morning person, but I am as quiet as a Church mouse when am up.
                  I'd be a better morning person if I hadn't been so busy being a night owl the night before.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                    It's not necessarily about having the same habits. What you had with your ex was not an irreconcilable difference between two people. What you had was one person not respecting the other person. Your ex deliberately deprived you of necessary sleep because he did not agree with the hours in which you accomplished it. Two people can be very different and get along just fine if they respect those differences and make mutual accommodations for them. When he went to bed before you, were you quiet and didnt wake him up? Night owls and morning people can be together just fine, as long as they respect the other persons needs.
                    Voila! bottom line is: respect the 'quirkyness' and give each other some space. Now why is that so hard to do? Parents have no problem putting up with their children's idiosyncrasies, yet when it comes to their 'beloved half' all hell breaks loose?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It's not necessarily about having the same habits. What you had with your ex was not an irreconcilable difference between two people. What you had was one person not respecting the other person. Your ex deliberately deprived you of necessary sleep because he did not agree with the hours in which you accomplished it. Two people can be very different and get along just fine if they respect those differences and make mutual accommodations for them. When he went to bed before you, were you quiet and didnt wake him up? Night owls and morning people can be together just fine, as long as they respect the other persons needs.
                      There's no doubt that my ex didn't respect or nuture any of my needs at all. But I think its definitely a whole lot easier to find someone who shares some of your more important habits and views. Of course, no couple is going to be exactly the same and you do need to find respectful compromises on differences. But I have to say, sleeping in with my new guy on weekend mornings after we've both had a long workweek is lovely. I never once did that with my ex in over 20 years of marriage and it really is such a nice luxury. I think the more habits you have differently with your partner, it does start to affect your level of intimacy because you're physically apart more often, doing different things, or not seeing the same things as important. I think its a good choice to minimize these things.

                      I could make a long list of women that I know that have seriously come to resent their husband's golf playing, football obsessions, car-fixing obsessions, etc...and a lot of men that dislike their wives shopping habits, house decoration obsessions, etc. I think over time it starts to erode the relationship if there's a lot of division going on.

                      I'm actually glad I found someone who's pretty much just like me in habit since I tend to be a bit of an extremist....work really hard, be lazy really hard. He's the same and it really does work for us. But to each their own.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The thing is, Janibel...

                        I'm a homebody too - and if I'm not 'encouraged' to go out - I won't.

                        That can (and has) lead to negative consequences for me in past relationships. So to some extent, I disagree.

                        We each and all of us, we need someone to 'encourage' our `home-body-ness`, or our `go-out-to-a-party-ness`.

                        Personally, I tend to be the ěntrovert`, so I know what you mean.
                        But it is very important to get out there and do stuff, too.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
                          Personally, I tend to be the ěntrovert`, so I know what you mean.
                          But it is very important to get out there and do stuff, too.

                          I agree wretchedotis, I do make efforts to accept 'most' invitations, funny thing is I start off not really wanting to go then end up pleased with myself because I enjoyed it. I have to challenge myself a little more

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by oink View Post
                            Just a little? I think you are getting to comfy with that dog, it shouldn't replace mingling with people
                            After what I've been through, comfy suits me fine for now ... as far as mingling is concerned, I prefer quality as opposed to quantity where my friends are concerned and I have been blessed in that sense.

                            One of the perks of separation\divorce is that you get to find out who your true friends are. They help me to shake-off the cobwebs whenever I get to comfortable in my solo life.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Janibel View Post
                              After what I've been through, comfy suits me fine for now ... as far as mingling is concerned, I prefer quality as opposed to quantity where my friends are concerned and I have been blessed in that sense.

                              One of the perks of separation\divorce is that you get to find out who your true friends are. They help me to shake-off the cobwebs whenever I get to comfortable in my solo life.
                              Ain't that the truth, lucky for me there were no surprises. I don't keep a large number of friends but the ones I have are rock solid and they proved it over the past 2 years.

                              Comment

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