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  • Too early to discuss postsecondary contributions?

    Oldest of our kids is 13. We have had a order for several years and we're negotiating some changes with access, support and section 7 expenses.

    I requested I would like in the new order that the children would be responsible for 1/3 of their postsecondary.

    My ex says she does not wish to discuss at this time. We've been at this since may and have accumulated thousands of dollars in back and forth lawyer fees.

    I feel strongly about the children contributing but at the same time if I push this I worry this will piss her off and all the process made will be for nothing.

    Suggestions?

    Also her lawyer is sending a draft consent order does this mean we're seeing a light at the end of the tunnel here?

    I know I won't be satisfied with everything I requested as it will just revert to our original order...choose my battles?

  • #2
    Originally posted by Tandem80 View Post
    Oldest of our kids is 13. We have had a order for several years and we're negotiating some changes with access, support and section 7 expenses.

    I requested I would like in the new order that the children would be responsible for 1/3 of their postsecondary.

    My ex says she does not wish to discuss at this time. We've been at this since may and have accumulated thousands of dollars in back and forth lawyer fees.

    I feel strongly about the children contributing but at the same time if I push this I worry this will piss her off and all the process made will be for nothing.

    Suggestions?

    Also her lawyer is sending a draft consent order does this mean we're seeing a light at the end of the tunnel here?

    I know I won't be satisfied with everything I requested as it will just revert to our original order...choose my battles?
    Too early probably. You don't even know if the kid is going to post secondary.

    Comment


    • #3
      That is true. Just thought since we have already addressed it was shared several years ago all I wanted was to add the kids would be responsible for 1/3 of their costs.

      We've just spent thousands of dollars ammending our original agreement so do not want to push anything that would jeopardize what's already been dealt with and agreed upon.

      We're still going back and forth but a consent order is being sent with her responding letter. I am hoping this means we're close to an agreement.

      Can a Judge not grant a consent order...we've been going through our lawyers so it's not like either of us is forcing the other hand to agree or sign the changes.

      Comment


      • #4
        It doesnt matter whats in your agreement. If your ex disagrees they can file a motion. The courts look at post secondary in their own way. If you arent a six figure earner, they will more than likely look at 1/3 to the kid. They also look at the expenses and how you both are contributing.

        Best advice is to work with your kids on their financial acumen, encourage them to get a part time job and sock money away fro school, open your own RESP, help kids get their grades up and talk to the schools about different scholarships and grants. This will all help manage the costs and teach you all how to be smart.

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you! I am glad I asked. I will let the post secondary slide for now (yes we have agreed already to share it) I am very well aware anything can be changed as we're already changing our original agreement 7 yrs later.

          Most important right now is eliminating some grey areas in our agreement...support, section 7 and access. Although I'm not 100% happy with some changes I am sure she is not as well.

          Just ready to move on and be done with lawyer fees for a few more years 😂

          Comment


          • #6
            I assume you pay child support? What makes you think she will want to minimize the amount of money she can get from you and make the child pay?

            If she's going to fight over your reasonable position, then I wouldn't waste my time until the time comes, then you go back and say your position has been the same since the children were 13, and she just wants to bitch and whine over this and this is where we are today. My position remains the same and I will be seeking my costs.

            Comment


            • #7
              The request for post secondary will be contained in my response affidavit. We are not filing my response until after we have reached a settlement and it has been signed and stamped by the Judge.

              My response is not pretty. I have essentially called her out in many lies by attaching emails and text messages from her that contradict everything she said in her own affidavit when she filed a motion. so it's better she didn't see it until after our agreement is made.

              I am also the one that initiated a settlement and also requested mediation which was refused.

              I pay full support. I thought it would be good to get this addition in the new agreement now but she is choosing to not discuss this at this point. I agree it is probably not worth pushing at this time.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Tandem80 View Post
                The request for post secondary will be contained in my response affidavit. We are not filing my response until after we have reached a settlement and it has been signed and stamped by the Judge.

                My response is not pretty. I have essentially called her out in many lies by attaching emails and text messages from her that contradict everything she said in her own affidavit when she filed a motion. so it's better she didn't see it until after our agreement is made.

                I am also the one that initiated a settlement and also requested mediation which was refused.

                I pay full support. I thought it would be good to get this addition in the new agreement now but she is choosing to not discuss this at this point. I agree it is probably not worth pushing at this time.

                What response are you trying to file after the agreement is signed and sealed? Once it is signed and sealed it's over. You take your affidavit and toss in the trash - it's essentially useless at that point.

                You should see all the lies of my ex i'm pointing out in my recent affidavit. Oh the judge is going to toss her out. Was fun to see her being lectured by the judge on her recent unreasonable behaviors. If you think 1/3 is reasonable request and would avoid future litigation and conflict, then ask for it, if she pushed back, then let the judge question her motives.

                Comment


                • #9
                  My lawyer says I still need to file a response to her original affidavit as it will alsway be filed with the court and can be used in the future.

                  We're trying to avoid going to court and letting a judge decide. So far it's been 6 months of back and forth but looking like there is a end in sight.

                  My response to her original affidavit (which is filed) will still need to be filed or the court will only ever know her side if it is revisited.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    At least my response will be documented I asked for post secondary to be brought up and requested children to contribute at this time. So in 5 yrs my thoughts are still the same and it can be proven at least?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Her lies are that I am in arrears (I've over paid $800 over the years) she said I have never disclosed my income (I have proof income taxes were provided) I have proof of her telling me to keep support the same after showing her it should be increased. I have proof of her demanding section 7 expense she had never asked for consent on etc etc the lies went on and on.

                      Yes I am pointing all of this out....maybe just maybe she will think before she says conflicting things in her correspondence to me in the future.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Tandem80 View Post
                        Her lies are that I am in arrears (I've over paid $800 over the years) she said I have never disclosed my income (I have proof income taxes were provided) I have proof of her telling me to keep support the same after showing her it should be increased. I have proof of her demanding section 7 expense she had never asked for consent on etc etc the lies went on and on.

                        Yes I am pointing all of this out....maybe just maybe she will think before she says conflicting things in her correspondence to me in the future.


                        Dont bet on it. Difficult ex's are what makes lawyers rich.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Isn't that the truth! That's why they just get away with stuff cause eventually you just give them what they want cause it's cheaper than lawyer fees

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            My partners ex has yet to file for movement on their case where she is claiming $20,000 outstanding for post secondary and cs even though her request is not only outside the terms of their agreement but also against the law.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              What is the point in even having an agreement when mother just continues to not follow it and do as she pleases?

                              Comment

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