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My ex is moving to another province away from the children and myself. We don’t have 50/50 currently so the children are remaining here with me. But it is his choice to leave (he has a good job here). He could stay here close to the children but that isn’t a priority for him. What is his rights to access? It is about 8-10 hours of travel for the children to go visit him. I would appreciate your thoughts.
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I would hope that you offer generous access to his children. He must be moving across the country? Or is the 8-10 hour travel time by vehicle? Have the two of you discussed the high cost of him exercising his access? Perhaps you can swing an arrangement that keeps the two of you away from court too much. Do you have a separation agreement? -
Yes we have a separation agreement. Things were not going well prior to his decision to move and I had just filed to get sole custody and reduce access. One of my children is not doing well mentally and he hasn’t been making the best decisions when it comes to their best interests. He thinks I am going to be paying half of the travel costs. The children will need to fly and there are no direct flights. My children are 6 and 8.Comment
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I would really appreciate people's opinions on this. Specifically with holiday access.... For example: I can't see the children having 2 out of 4 days travelling in a 4 day weekend to go see him.Comment
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Does his move have anything to do with you going to court to change his access? Maybe he is making this decision in anger and/or exasperation and not going to go through with it.Comment
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It is just coincidence. He is moving with his new fiancé and her kids (who currently live in same city as us). He is choosing to leave despite having a high paying secure job here.Comment
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Well you say you filed to obtain sole custody and reduce his access to the children. So it seems you have obtained what you wanted without going to court.
Money isn't the end-all for some people. He is planning a life with someone else. Wish him well and tell him you hope he stays in touch with his children.
You can't force someone to want to spend time with their kids.Comment
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I don't feel as though I have obtained anything....we don't have a new agreement yet. His proposal says that we share travel expenses which I don't understand since he chose to leave. It also includes all march breaks, all Easter breaks, all thanksgivings, over half the summer and half of Christmas as well as access anytime he is in our area. His access only last summer increased to two weeks and that was non consecutive. So I am struggling with what I 'need' to offer for holiday access.Comment
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Oh ok. I thought he was basically walking away. So he proposes to move and wants to maintain parenting time with the children. In that case I'd simply propose (in light of his leaving a higher paying job for a lower paying job? - do you know that for certain?) what is reasonable for children that age. If you don't want your children to go through arduous travel then it might make sense for them to spend a few weeks with him in Summer. Shared Christmas and Spring breaks (1 week with each parent?). Shorter holidays you might alternate year by year?
I'd carefully consider his rationale for moving. Do you know what it is?
I'm sure some other people here will have some good ideas.Comment
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He has so far told me that it will be a pay increase but I have not been able to confirm. He had a permanent government position making over $125k per year here in Ottawa. I don't see any good reason for moving there away from his children.Comment
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Find out facts of his move. Travel may not be as bad as you think. For example, if he were to move to Ft. McMurray (Alberta) many companies have charter flights for employees along with generous benefits. Same goes for a non-government company in other Provinces for management a/o specialty staff. Always good to get all the information you can before making decision.
Your children are now school-aged. Presumably you are employed?Comment
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Yes I am employed. I am only trying to respond to his proposal which I feel is very unrealistic. I have to propose something back with the info that is have. I have researched flights and there are no direct flights which means almost a full day of travel when visiting him. If it is a four day holiday, is half of it travelling reasonable for young children? Also for summer, the longest he has ever had the children is one week. It is very high conflict and he has continued to make decisions not in the children's best interests which has been confirmed by professionals. This must be considered and factored in, right?Comment
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[QUOTE=sarah2017;225684] Things were not going well prior to his decision to move and I had just filed to get sole custody and reduce access./QUOTE]
I am confused, do you want to reduce access, or increase it to accommodate his move given the distance.Comment
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Well the issues that existed prior to his decision to move still exist. I don't want to increase his access at all. But, I know he won't be seeing them on a regular basis and want to be 'fair' in front of a judge if it gets to that. Sorry if I am not making sense. Let's just say my daughter is counting down the days until he is gone so she can increase how often she does her extracurricular activity because he was preventing her from exploring it to the full extent.Comment
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I would think that having your children travel to see their father would only be practical for longer vacations (he would have to travel to see them other times). I don't know if I would be comfortable with children travelling alone but that is a matter you will hopefully discuss with the father. You could set up Skype for them and encourage regular contact that way?
What has the father proposed?Comment
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