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after school on other parents day

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  • after school on other parents day

    i was reading a post from this spring about two parents one who lives by the school, and the other lives several kilos away, if the parent who lives close should be able to take the child home after school on the days the other parent has access, so that the other parent picks up from the house, rather than from after school care, the point being shouldn't child be at a parents home instead of afterschool care. This was with a young child, 4 or 5. I can see both sides of the situation. I potentially may have a similar problem coming up, but involving much older children 11 and 13.

    Children have been going to the neighborhood school for some years, go to and from school on their own, all prior to separation. Do not attend before and atfter school program. Can be home alone when parents at work before separation. Sometimes at school later for extracirriculuar and come home independently, walk or ride bike. Other parent does not live in same neighborhood now. I live in same house as before.

    Now that separated and school is soon to begin, with older kids could my ex partner insist they go to after school care on days he has, rather than to my house? soon to go to court and in affidavit ex said all kids go to after school care, but they havent in years, are not registered to go (registration takes place months earlier). They would hate to go to after school care, and would likely be the oldest kids there, especially the 13 yr old. He would consider going to after school care social suicide. They would wonder, after I have been coming home by myself why do I now need to go to after school care?

    What do others do with older kids?

  • #2
    It's your partners time so they're within their right to make such decisions. However, given their age, their wishes will be strongly listened to and considered by the judge.

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    • #3
      I'd encourage your 13 year old to take the registered babysitting course. Then it would pretty 'tarded for the other side to insist that child attend after school care... quite unreasonable IMO.

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      • #4
        Yes oldest has taken a baby sitting course. Younger hasn'st yet, but that is a good point, I should get that set up.

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        • #5
          Under the Child Care and Early Years Act, children in licensed care must be under the age of 13. If you are in Ontario, your 13 year old will not be accepted for before/after school care.
          Last edited by SadAndTired; 08-21-2017, 12:10 AM.

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          • #6
            I live that exact scenario.

            My 13 year old and 8 year old come to my house everyday after school and often at lunch (within the school district). It's maybe a five minute walk.

            School is done at roughly 3pm, ex gets off at 5/6.

            By 13 they seem a bit old for after school daycare. I'd agree with the above posters (baby sitting course).

            The only thing your ex may be thinking, it could throw off the 50/50 split, based on hours.

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            • #7
              This is an issue I'm going to have very soon as I have been served. I stayed in the school zone and the other parent moved out and my kids come to my house everyday till the other parents picks up between 4 to 6.

              I have the children allot more hours over the course of the year. I would like to see other thoughts on this>

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              • #8
                I think this is a wonderful idea! Why outsource to other caregivers when the other parent is available?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ensorcelled View Post
                  I think this is a wonderful idea! Why outsource to other caregivers when the other parent is available?
                  I work in schools so of course its tough for me to do before/after school care. I have an awesome mate with a flexible schedule so she volunteers to help out .. but when she doesn't, I totally let my ex have her until I pick her up after school .. or drop her there so she can put her on the bus in the morning. I think about D6 first .. everything else come last. I know she'd rather be with her mom than a program or other caretaker.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                    I work in schools so of course its tough for me to do before/after school care. I have an awesome mate with a flexible schedule so she volunteers to help out .. but when she doesn't, I totally let my ex have her until I pick her up after school .. or drop her there so she can put her on the bus in the morning. I think about D6 first .. everything else come last. I know she'd rather be with her mom than a program or other caretaker.
                    Sorry if I'm reading this wrong but you prioritize your girl-friend over your child's mother for caregiving? Why? Is it because her schedule is flexible or are there other factors?

                    I get that your time is your time and all that tired trope but it would be nice if your daughter's mother was given the right of first refusal.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by ensorcelled View Post
                      Sorry if I'm reading this wrong but you prioritize your girl-friend over your child's mother for caregiving? Why? Is it because her schedule is flexible or are there other factors?

                      I get that your time is your time and all that tired trope but it would be nice if your daughter's mother was given the right of first refusal.
                      I "prioritize" D6 having the smoothest most comfortable transitions possible. I let D6 decide what she wants to do. My ex has no issue with any of it. My g/f and D6 have a wonderful relationship and its my time....so I see no problem with her picking up/dropping her from time to time. I think many do this. If my ex wanted her it might be a different story .. we'd work it out.

                      We dont sweat the small shit and D6 is benefiting from it. More should follow suit.
                      Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-21-2017, 05:31 PM.

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                      • #12
                        I guess the question to ponder....

                        If they are with the one parent for lets say three hours more per day, over the course of the year, I would think it would throw off the equal parenting.

                        I.e. 50/50, 40/60 It might become 30/70. If one wanted to challenged cs offset at some time.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by North of 40 View Post
                          I guess the question to ponder....

                          If they are with the one parent for lets say three hours more per day, over the course of the year, I would think it would throw off the equal parenting.

                          I.e. 50/50, 40/60 It might become 30/70. If one wanted to challenged cs offset at some time.
                          This has "often" crossed my mind.

                          I do know that support systems are a touchy subject on the forums...but they're "loved" in family law.
                          Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-21-2017, 05:40 PM.

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                          • #14
                            13 year old to be at daycare? Kidding me? Is their decision financial driven? Control driven? Do you have joint custody? Have you consented to daycare? You have every right to say no to daycare.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                              I "prioritize" D6 having the smoothest most comfortable transitions possible. I let D6 decide what she wants to do. My ex has no issue with any of it. My g/f and D6 have a wonderful relationship and its my time....so I see no problem with her picking up/dropping her from time to time. I think many do this. If my ex wanted her it might be a different story .. we'd work it out.

                              We dont sweat the small shit and D6 is benefiting from it. More should follow suit.


                              I agree... the other parent isn't always the best choice. My husband works full time... I am off work for medical reasons, thus the kids spend their weeks with me. Their Mom works nights so she is off all day, but that doesn't mean Mom gets the children on his summer weeks with them. It is still his time with them and in reality if I was still working the children would be watched by a sitter or day camp or something, they still wouldn't go back to Moms.


                              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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