how serious is this ?

[plainNamedDad44]

Hi all,

I have filed a motion for more access, stbx's lawyer has cross filed a motion to have the children's current residence in Toronto (stbx is living with her parents) made their primary residence.

How worried should I be ? Is their tactic to try and move proceedings from Ottawa area to Toronto ? The new status quo is in fact such that the children are residing with the stbx.

It would be more difficult for me to fight this in Toronto. She knows that I would not be able to self represent as effectively as the travel would be an obstacle. Regardless I am prepared to fight on.

Thoughts ?

[Mess]

If your only question is "How worried should I be?" then the answer is, you should be worried.

As has been said to you before, you should have dealt with this move at the time. Waiting until now lowers your chance of success, because your inaction is proof to the other party that neither you nor the children are incurring any damage.

The fact is, now is now. We cannot change the past.

IMHO your best argument is that your ex is dependant on their parents, and this cannot be seen to be a stable situation for the children.

You will seek a stable long term situation for the children, which you can show that you can provide.

I'm not saying you will win, but this should be one of your primary arguments.

[Mess]

Look buddy, my personal position is that I want you to win and I want you have your children.

Your argument is that if you had acted earlier, you would have humiliated and stressed your children by pulling them out of school in Toronto and bringing them back into the school they had been in all along.

If that was true a few months ago, it is still true now. It is still true in Novemeber. It is still true in December. It is still true in January.

When does it stop being true?

You have lost that argument. You need a new argument.

[plainNamedDad44]

If your only question is "How worried should I be?" then the answer is, you should be worried.

As has been said to you before, you should have dealt with this move at the time. Waiting until now lowers your chance of success, because your inaction is proof to the other party that neither you nor the children are incurring any damage.

The fact is, now is now. We cannot change the past.

IMHO your best argument is that your ex is dependant on their parents, and this cannot be seen to be a stable situation for the children.

You will seek a stable long term situation for the children, which you can show that you can provide.

I'm not saying you will win, but this should be one of your primary arguments.

It was not intended as inaction. I had an extremely poor lawyer. Who I could not get a hold of half the time.

I filed a motion on an urgent basis and thought it would be best to let the kids finish school at there new spot. Also sbtx involved childrens aid and they have only now pulled back as they have found nothing.

I regret the way it played out. My mistake is I hired an idiot for a lawyer.

[Mess]

Look, if I were you I would be freaking out because my kid were hundreds of km away from me and I had no hope of gettting them back. I get it. I feel this.

Poor lawyer or not, you made a decision. I'm not condemning you, I am telling you that if you want to make a legal argument, you need a legal basis for it.

[plainNamedDad44]

Look buddy, my personal position is that I want you to win and I want you have your children.

Your argument is that if you had acted earlier, you would have humiliated and stressed your children by pulling them out of school in Toronto and bringing them back into the school they had been in all along.

If that was true a few months ago, it is still true now. It is still true in Novemeber. It is still true in December. It is still true in January.

When does it stop being true?

You have lost that argument. You need a new argument.

Mess, I filed when the kids got out of school. Had my CC delayed until Sept 26, and then filed a motion for more access which is being heard on Oct 18th. These things are difficult to time.

Push come to shove i am bound for Toronto.

[plainNamedDad44]

Look, if I were you I would be freaking out because my kid were hundreds of km away from me and I had no hope of gettting them back. I get it. I feel this.

Poor lawyer or not, you made a decision. I'm not condemning you, I am telling you that if you want to make a legal argument, you need a legal basis for it.

ok, understood. thanks.

[Mess]

You can't have shared/joint between Ottawa and Toronto. You can't drop the kids off at school every day 200 km away. It is going to come down to an argument of who has full custody.

Really, I wish it were easier on you, but it's not going to be.

[plainNamedDad44]

Look, if I were you I would be freaking out because my kid were hundreds of km away from me and I had no hope of gettting them back. I get it. I feel this.

Poor lawyer or not, you made a decision. I'm not condemning you, I am telling you that if you want to make a legal argument, you need a legal basis for it.

BTW, nothing legally is stopping me from bringing my kids back home right now. I am trying to play by the rules and not look aggressive.

[Mess]

Without advising you to act in any illegal manner, if you feel that you are acting within the law and in the best interest of the children, then your oblitgation is to ACT IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN.

[standing on the sidelines]

BTW, nothing legally is stopping me from bringing my kids back home right now. I am trying to play by the rules and not look aggressive.

you do something like that and you can throw the excuse about humiliating the kids right out the window. Then what would be your reason for not acting sooner to have the kids returned? Just because there is nothing legally stopping you doesn't mean its the right thing to do. I doubt a judge would look favourably on it.

[plainNamedDad44]

Without advising you to act in any illegal manner, if you feel that you are acting within the law and in the best interest of the children, then your oblitgation is to ACT IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN.

Absolutely, and as such I feel their best interests involve a joint relationship with their mother and father and that they should be left out of it in the mean time. My children flipped when they found out that the visit to Gramma's was permanent. That's not the sort of relationship I have with my kids.

sbtx is a nut. I can't start acting like one too. So its extremely painful, but I fight on against a system which assumes I am the a**hole. I think my patience and persistence will be rewarded. I hope anyway.

I appreciate all responses.

Thanks

[arabian]

I don't know dick-poop about child custody but I'm curious - how old are your children? I have read numerous posts on here about kids having a say in where they end up living, particularly if the children are in their teens. If your kids are upset about living permanently with the grandparents then perhaps that is something to look into? Of course you wouldn't want to use the kids as 'pawns' but surely their opinions matter?

[plainNamedDad44]

13, 11, 10, 9

And your bang on. That's why I have an order for the involvment of the OCL. Kids are having wool pulled over their eyes somewhat.

[arabian]

I'm sure you've already delved into reading lots and lots of cases on CanLII for your province? If anything, the reading will give you a birds-eye view on how other people in your situation have made out in court. I don't know about distance from where you live and your stbx lives but it would not surprise me if your stbx had to bring the kids back to see you every weekend. That would be a start wouldn't it? Wow - 4 kids. You must be terribly upset.

Yes you would think your kids are definitely old enough to make statements about where they want to live. I just hope you don't find yourself the one who is having to do all the driving.