Freaked out

[HappyMomma]

Ok folks - I really need some advice here.

Background - two children, shared custody. Access was week to week until last Sept when it switched to weekends with dad, weekdays with me so they could go to school near my home.

Over the last yeah and a half my ex's life has been going to hell in a handbasket. He hasn't worked, he's now on Ontario works, he was evicted from his home, and CAS and the police have been involved because of some domestic stuff with his ex-girlfriend. Who he continues to stay with and spend a significant amount of time with.

I don't know all the stuff that has been going on because I am not allowed to see the police reports, etc.

After CAS's involvement in Jan, things have been fairly quiet. Then this weekend my ex asked me to keep the children because his ex's family had called the police on him and he didn't want the girls to be with him when he got picked up. I again, don't know what is really going on because all I get are rambling text messages and emails that really don't make much sense.

His texts indicated that he believed his ex's family had taken her phone from her. He sent me several screen captures of his texts to her and they state things like 'if this is the police, I'm not being evasive' and 'give her back her phone'. I have no idea if they actually took her phone or not but she's an adult so I find it difficult to believe...

Yesterday my ex and I were both at the court house and spoke briefly. He told me that the police had deleted the messages he showed me from his phone over the weekend (messages he was clearly planning to use as 'evidence' of something'). He actually sent me screen shots of his phone that shows a black box over some of his messages. In addition, he tried to email the officer that handled whatever issues he had with his ex and received an automated out-of-office message which he believes somehow backs up his conspiracy that the police deleted his messages. To make matters worse, the CAS worker was also on vacation when he called and her message said not to leave a voicemail so this is apparently also part of the conspiracy.

I am completely freaked out. He is clearly having a break with reality and I don't know what to do.

Does anyone have any advice??

[arabian]

simple advice - don't get drawn into his drama.

Protect your children. That is all.

[HappyMomma]

simple advice - don't get drawn into his drama.

Protect your children. That is all.

Yes. I am staying away from the drama as much as possible. I don't engage him. But how do I go about protecting my children???

[arabian]

Deal with CAS - ask them for advice. They know the history. Let CAS intervene.

[Janibel]

Thank your lucky stars that you got away from this "winner" - you dodged a bullet with this guy! I agree with Arabian, don't get involved in the nonsense, avoid him as much as possible.

You know him better than anyone else, do you feel that your children are in danger with this person? Or is he a harmless nut case?

Unfortunately with the law, there is no such thing as prevention (innocent till proven otherwise). If or when the ex does something harmful, then you can react - restraining orders, change in custody ect.... until then, all you can do is remain vigilant and hope for the best.

It's one thing to say that your Ex is mentally unfit as a parent, quite another thing to prove that in court.

[HappyMomma]

Thank your lucky stars that you got away from this "winner" - you dodged a bullet with this guy! I agree with Arabian, don't get involved in the nonsense, avoid him as much as possible.

You know him better than anyone else, do you feel that your children are in danger with this person? Or is he a harmless nut case?

Unfortunately with the law, there is no such thing as prevention (innocent till proven otherwise). If or when the ex does something harmful, then you can react - restraining orders, change in custody ect.... until then, all you can do is remain vigilant and hope for the best.

It's one thing to say that your Ex is mentally unfit as a parent, quite another thing to prove that in court.

Yes. I realize all of that. Which makes me feel quite helpless. At this point he has been good about leaving the girls with me when mayhem starts in his life, however, he also doesn't realize that a lot of what he believes is a delusion. My fear is that it could escalate.

CAS can't do anything because the children feel safe with him and he hasn't done anything to put them in danger (yet, crossing fingers he never does). They've given him some guidelines to follow and so far he has.

It's so freaking scary.

[Janibel]

There's a few things that should help you feel a little better about this situation (I'm not trying to minimize your problem in any way, I'd be freaking out too!)

CAS are aware of the shinanigans and are monitoring your Ex. Also he has been good about sending you the kids whenever SHTF in his life. So far the children feel safe with Dad, that's another plus.

Hopefully he will get the help he needs before things escalate. Perhaps you could subtly suggest he consult with an MD, since he is now receiving OW, it would not cost him anything. For sure he is depressed and could use some counseling.

[FirstTimer]

Unfortunately, that's all that can happen. As sad as it sounds, there has be enough evidence of imminent danger in order for the police or CAS to intervene.

He won't give you custody of the children until then either....

Yes. I realize all of that. Which makes me feel quite helpless. At this point he has been good about leaving the girls with me when mayhem starts in his life, however, he also doesn't realize that a lot of what he believes is a delusion. My fear is that it could escalate.

CAS can't do anything because the children feel safe with him and he hasn't done anything to put them in danger (yet, crossing fingers he never does). They've given him some guidelines to follow and so far he has.

It's so freaking scary.

[stripes]

Perhaps when you interact with him next, you could sympathize about how difficult things are for him right now, and offer to look after the kids for extra days to "help him out"? If you frame it as something you'd like to do as a favor to him, he's more likely to agree than if he thinks you're worried about his stability around the kids.

Besides that, stay in touch with CAS and monitor the situation. Fortunately, as the kids get older they will be better able to look after themselves and recognize when Dad is going off the deep end again.

This is a miserable situation for everyone involved - I hope your ex stabilizes soon.