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How far is too far? Harassment?

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  • How far is too far? Harassment?

    High conflict situation. 50/50 time split with shared custody. I have medical custody.
    2 final court orders on consent.
    2 mediated agreements not being followed.
    Ex has treated and reported 2 medical professional our child has seen to their boards. He has reported me to my professional board. He is now asking for the licence of yet another professional she was treated by over 3 years ago. This person is no longer practicing (due to injury)
    For each I have informed him before having her treated, he has signed consent where required and then filed complaints after. He refused to let me take her to a referred professional a month ago, and based on his previous behaviour I will not risk that professionals reputation by taking her and having him report her.
    He is now digging through childcare records in their office claiming I did not get his permission on this form and that one. He is claiming out of date records that he neglected to update himself for 3 years. He sees them 3 days a week and pays them directly. His signature and info is on many forms and updates to his info are his responsibility.
    He is violating our communication agreement texting me and threatening court action several times a day 2 to 3 days a week.
    CAS has been involved over a year on a monthly monitoring. He calls them at least twice a week to report some wrongdoing. The last visit the CAS made not of whether I had fruit on the counter. I didn't do the shopping until the next day and told them so.
    At what point and by what argument can I stop this? What constitutes harassment or stalking (because he is all over my social media and my families) and even reporting all this to my child.
    At what point can I ask for a restraining order? What are my options
    I am so tired of this it's been 8 years


    Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk

  • #2
    your post doesn't make sense to me in some places.

    I wouldn't worry about your ex going after a doctor (assume) by way of reporting to professional association. That is what the board is there for and they are quite well equipped to investigate his allegations.

    You say he is digging through someone's office records? Who would let him do this? Certainly not a doctor.

    Is your child on a special diet prescribed by a medical professional?

    Why is CAS monitoring you every month ?

    You can go to court any time you want and try to obtain a restraining order. You could look into a peace bond which you can obtain yourself. Be aware, however, that they usually go both ways and this can affect drop off/pick up activity (if the two of you have to stay away from each other).

    I am not a social media-type person so I can't advise on that. Surely there is a way to block him... can your family and friends also not block him?

    Comment


    • #3
      I get that the professional boards will not likely do anything. It is however a problem. He is threatening them and causing them trouble. It's a pattern. A way of threatening and manipulating me.

      The day care has allowed him into the file. I saw it today too and they have discarded all of the previous documentation except the latest forms. And because he has not bothered to even look at the file in over 3 years, his signature is not on any forms. This was a mistake with the daycare discarding previous documents, including a copy of our court order, and his negligence in not updating the file and making address changes. He has a right to see his child's daycare file.

      CAS is monitoring due to the high conflict. They are aware of his pattern of instigating conflict, and involving the child. Until however she shows up with physical harm, they have said there is nothing they can do. He has physically harmed her in the past, but they dismissed it as the child changed her story the 4th time she told it (when father was present).

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      • #4
        I'd let the medical board deal with him. They are used to nut-jobs.
        I'd let the daycare handle him. You have no direct control over the day care's administrative matters.

        I don't know what CAS would be able to do... remove child from place of danger?

        Know your limitations and focus on matters which you can address. If you feel threatened by him then you certainly should seek assistance from court and/or police.

        Comment


        • #5
          As for social media, he is investigating family business. My business, and my sister's. I cannot block him from websites.
          He has found out the name of a friend my daughter and I spent time with and the only way would have been through questioning her. He then took the phone from her and started screaming at me about "who is this guy ____? Our court order says you have to tell me about the men you are dating ".
          This is way over the top. Of course a court would never put that in an order. And the guy is only a friend! Lol.
          I just want to know what my options are. He is spiralling out of control, digging for every "mistake" I have made in 8 years and continuously throwing them at me and threatening. I am a great mom, I've made a few mistakes though. And if I wanted to stoop low and play his game I could name a hundred he has made. But I won't. I just want this to stop. And it looks like court or some restraining order or peace bond is my last resort.
          Any more advice? Please 😣😜

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          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks Arabian. I am doing my best to let him dig his own grave. He's building a case for me and I can just sit here and document.
            It's just gotten to the point where enough is enough.

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            Comment


            • #7
              If you have medical authority over your child then I do not know how he can stop you from taking child to a specialist.

              It sounds as though you are over-communicating with your ex. He knows too much (fruit on your counter?).

              You can go to your local courthouse and ask for a peace bond. You do not need a lawyer for this. You fill out a few pages and indicate why you do not want him to contact you, your friends and your family. A hearing will be set. The best thing that could happen would be for him to be ordered to NOT contact you.

              You say that this has gone on for 8 years yet you mention daycare? The math doesn't add up here unless 8-year-olds go to daycare nowadays?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                As for social media, he is investigating family business. My business, and my sister's. I cannot block him from websites.
                He has found out the name of a friend my daughter and I spent time with and the only way would have been through questioning her. He then took the phone from her and started screaming at me about "who is this guy ____? Our court order says you have to tell me about the men you are dating ".
                This is way over the top. Of course a court would never put that in an order. And the guy is only a friend! Lol.
                I just want to know what my options are. He is spiralling out of control, digging for every "mistake" I have made in 8 years and continuously throwing them at me and threatening. I am a great mom, I've made a few mistakes though. And if I wanted to stoop low and play his game I could name a hundred he has made. But I won't. I just want this to stop. And it looks like court or some restraining order or peace bond is my last resort.
                Any more advice? Please 😣😜

                Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk
                You should look into having your sister obtain a peace bond as well, along with anyone subjected to his harassment. You and your sister (business owners) can report his activities to the police. Be sure to ask for the file number.

                Finally, make sure you have a good security system which is armed at all times. Your child can have his/her own code.

                Comment


                • #9
                  She goes to a daycare after school until one of us picks her up. She's gone there for all this time so habit to call it daycare.

                  I am not overcommunicating. 6 emails today and I only responded to the first one. That is pretty normal. He complains about not getting Tupperware back right away, calls me about not having any clothing for her (though it is 50/50 and he didn't buy her any), and he tells CAS I don't feed her properly. He complains to CAS about all this small things, texts me at all hours of the day and night reminding me of every time something was not to his liking. Honestly it wouldn't matter if I met every single one of his requirements, he would find something else that I did "wrong".

                  As for stopping me from going to a specialist, it is all the harassment, texting, phone calls, berating the child, complaining to CAS and threatening court. Legally he cannot stop me. The child asked him herself if she could go (without me knowing) He made so many stipulations and had her sneak a business card from the office when we went to my appointment so she could report it to him. Even though she was NOT a patient herself.
                  I know it sounds ridiculous. Because it is. Welcome to my nightmare

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                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Perhaps some people on here can offer some ideas about your cell phone and the texting. Change of phone number with instructions for him to use another form of communication such as Our Family Wizard (perhaps you can get an order for that).
                    I certainly would respond to trivial stuff about tupperware. You say you only responded to one of his messages. I think that is one too many.

                    Your ex sounds like he has major mental issues. Watch your back.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Our agreement states one email per week. I would rather not respond. And yes, I will be asking for our family wizard. I asked at last mediation and we agreed to try this first with very firm agreements around what situations would be a phone call, a text or an email. It has not been followed in the least.

                      Yes he does have mental issues. I of course have not been told of his diagnosis, but during the marriage he had depression and anxiety. It has been suggested by medical professionals to me privately that his behaviour indicates something more serious. My concerns are well founded. I am certainly looking for and working towards a cooperative co-parenting relationship, however I think it is safe to say that ship has sailed.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                        I have medical custody.
                        ... He refused to let me take her to a referred professional a month ago
                        You have medical custody. I don't get how he can refuse.

                        based on his previous behaviour I will not risk that professionals reputation by taking her and having him report her.
                        Ok, he isn't refusing, he is just making it uncomfortable for you. The courts cannot possibly help you here. You have medical custody. He has the right to make complaints to professional bodies. Do you want the court to order that he is not allowed to make a complaint? If he repeatedly lodges complaints he won't be getting very far with those complaints.

                        He is now digging
                        Have you done anything wrong? If not, don't worry!

                        He is violating our communication agreement texting me and threatening court action several times a day 2 to 3 days a week.
                        Dear dirtbag,

                        Texting is for emergency purposes only. All other communication should be by email. If you send me three more messages that are not emergencies, then I shall get a new phone number. Messages from you will be routed to a friend who will only forward those messages that she deems are genuine emergencies.


                        ... then you never respond to a single non-emergency text message ever again for the rest of your life. There is only so long even somebody crazy is willing to text a blank wall.

                        he is all over my social media and my families
                        Which social media is he all over? The vast majority require your approval for him to see anything.

                        If I didn't know better, I would say that you like the drama. There seems to be some really easy steps you can take to stop him from harassing you, but it appears that you have not taken those steps.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Janus! Thanks for the laugh!
                          No I definitely do not enjoy it. And I appreciate your advice. 😉
                          I have been very good at not responding. There are sometimes things that require a response though. And I am human..once in a blue moon he hits me in a sore point. I need to put on some protection equipment. 😉
                          As for social media. My profile must remain public. I run a referral based business. Yes he is blocked. He is blocked by my family members as well. But he has a minion and I do not know who it is. Heck he found me on a dating site and read my kid my profile! Needless to say I turned it off
                          He is overstepping a huge line and has been warned already.

                          Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            Ex has treated and reported 2 medical professional our child has seen to their boards.
                            Unfortunate. But, a common pattern of behavior from someone who is high conflict.

                            Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

                            Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

                            If these clinicians are now refusing to see the child in question then you have good grounds to seek the assistance of the court in the matter. It is time that the other parent have all access to medical records and clinicians removed.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            He has reported me to my professional board.
                            Generally, complaints from ex-spouses fall on deaf ears by boards. Especially ones that are rooted in complex high-conflict child custody and access ones.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            For each I have informed him before having her treated, he has signed consent where required and then filed complaints after.
                            You need sole decision making on medical issues and for the other parent's access to the medical records to be fully blocked.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            He refused to let me take her to a referred professional a month ago, and based on his previous behaviour I will not risk that professionals reputation by taking her and having him report her.
                            I would still recommend you take the child to the clinical encounter. Unless the consent of the other parent is required. Then, your only recourse is to seek a court order to have sole custody for medical decisions and to also block the other parent's ability to retrieve medical records. (Two separate asks. CLRA allows for parents to get access do documents, you specifically have to ask for that to be removed.)

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            He is now digging through childcare records in their office claiming I did not get his permission on this form and that one. He is claiming out of date records that he neglected to update himself for 3 years. He sees them 3 days a week and pays them directly. His signature and info is on many forms and updates to his info are his responsibility.
                            Unless you have an order that doesn't permit him access to the medical records the clinicians are obligated to provide access to the records. You need to get an order to prevent his access. You probably have more than enough evidence and witnesses to present as to WHY this needs to happen.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            He is violating our communication agreement texting me and threatening court action several times a day 2 to 3 days a week.
                            The other parent is trying to gather evidence. They are not going to stop. Your only recourse is a court action for sole custody for medical and for the access to records to be blocked as well.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            CAS has been involved over a year on a monthly monitoring. He calls them at least twice a week to report some wrongdoing. The last visit the CAS made not of whether I had fruit on the counter. I didn't do the shopping until the next day and told them so.
                            You have the CAS evidence too that you can call upon. You need to bring a motion. If CAS hasn't tried to stop his conduct then you need to go to the courts to do it.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            At what point and by what argument can I stop this?
                            1. His conduct is interupting the child's access to medical care.

                            That is the only reason you need.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            What constitutes harassment or stalking (because he is all over my social media and my families) and even reporting all this to my child.
                            Who cares. Unless you have something bad on your social media. If you do. Delete it.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            At what point can I ask for a restraining order?
                            You shouldn't. You need to take the other parent's control away and make sure the child in question gets proper medical treatment.

                            Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                            What are my options
                            I am so tired of this it's been 8 years
                            Retain a qualified lawyer and get an order for sole custody for medical decisions. The reason you are asking is that the other parent's conduct is impacting the child's access to medical care.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by billiechic View Post
                              I get that the professional boards will not likely do anything. It is however a problem.
                              It causes the clinician's practice insurance to go up as a result. Because they have to have their practice insurance put a lawyer on the matter to defend them for the bogus claim.

                              Its a real problem for the doctors involved when having to deal with this nonsense.

                              Comment

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