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Old 01-22-2018, 04:50 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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The high road is not about caving in to unreasonable demands; it's about staying above the mud-slinging and being firm in your convictions if they are reasonable and fair.


It sounds like you are willing to be more than fair with her, but don't let her walk all over your generosity. Make your first offer to settle be the bare legal fairest minimum (common-law equalization, imputing minimum wage, 50-50 access, joint custody, no SS). Then ask for a return offer from her with what she wants. If you have to then offer her a bit more (some of this RRSP for example) she'll think she won something and maybe agree to settle.


Is the money she's hiding shared money? If it's in an account with only her name on it, it's her money and you have no entitlement to it, since you were common-law. If it's joint, you can just go to the bank and get a statement. Tell her if she wants it to remain outside equalization because you're not married, then agree, and keep your RRSP outside equalization.


No need to be mean; do your best to treat her as a crazy roommate you will soon be rid of, keep your anger at her antics under control, and don't discuss the situation much with anybody who likes her. Now is a good time to figure out which friends of yours are in her corner and which are in yours, and which are trying to do both (aka be in her corner). Make new friends who aren't mutual and vent to them.


Dealing with difficult personalities is part strategizing and part learning what to ignore. Get counselling to help you manage your own emotions and frustration about it, and do some research on dealing with such people. Grey rock method, three narcissist settings (rage, charm, self-pity), those are good places to start.


I think it's okay to facilitate your former in-laws' relationship with the children, especially if your ex isn't doing it right now. If she steps up, then you can slowly withdraw from the role. But don't talk about your ex; keep topics limited to the children.
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