Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

yikes!!

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • yikes!!

    hi everyone..

    i am the common-law step mom of an 11 year old girl who lives with me and her dad and whom i love dearly (like my own child). her parents have been separated for 5 years and she has been living with her dad for 3 years now (i moved in a year ago and have known her for 2 years). custody has not been settled leagally and they have been managing without the courts up until now. my step daughter wants to live with mom and we had considered letting her go... she has a big fantasy about what it would be like to live with mom. the problem arises with her mom wanting to take her back this june and move her about an hour's drive away...normally this wouldn't be such a big deal except that her mom has a new boyfriend (very new) and has just moved in with him only 2 days ago. her mom has not been the model for emotional health (yells and screams and is mean to her daughter) and just getting past this to allow their child to go has been challenging but now with this strange new man in the picture i have to say that this worries me tremendously. we know nothing about him and they won't tell us how long they have known each other (my step daughter confirmed its only been one to two months) the ex is a very vindictive person and has already begun to poison her daughter's mind against us (she came home from the weekend asking why we were stopping her from going to live with mom) we asked her mom to give it 6 months to a year to see if their relationship would be stable before their daughter moved in (reasonable request i thought) but the mom said no with no chance for discussion. i think her dad should file for custody but her dad spoke with a councellor he had sent his daughter to for a while who said he should just let her go. i think this is bad advice... i think her mom is placing her in a potentially very dangerous situation. any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • #2
    Stepmommy,

    I agree with your stance. It also appears to be reasonable. STABILITY is a very important factor for consideration.

    Since it is imminent that there will be legal action on this, I would recommend filing an application for custody of the child. Right now the father has defacto custody and the child has been exercising her access with her mother. I think you will get the full support of the court. Courts seldom interrupt a status quo parenting arrangement especially if things are working out well for the child. The child is only 11. I would think that very little weight would be given to her views: ie: living with mom. Interim motions is not a time to go experimenting with children welfare.

    Comment


    • #3
      thanks... i agree. i think my boyfriend has a huge chance of winning residency. however he is afraid of his ex (very vindictive) and what she might do. he is afraid that his daughter will hate him. i told him i think its better that she hates him now for protecting her and that if she does get mad at him for it .. it just means he's doing his job as her parent.. her mother has access every weekend... but she chooses not to take her daughter every weekend and has made her daughter believe it is her dad's and my fault that she won't take her. i tell ya.. this poor kid is so confused and hurt by her mother it isn't funny... i can't force my boyfriend to file for custody (wish i could) i am just so afraid for his daughters well being. honestly.. what kind of man agrees to let a woman and her kid (who he hadn't met yet) move in with him??

      Comment


      • #4
        Stressful,

        From what you have mentioned;

        I think perhaps the mother may be influencing the child to live there.

        Perhaps
        ie: sometimes parent's promise a child a puppy, or other pet, a special trip etc
        in an effort to influence the child's views.

        Either way a child of the age 11 is quite young to make decisions of this magnitude that impact her best interest.

        Comment


        • #5
          yes... she has promised her a kitten.... among other things. thanks for listening... i will keep you updated

          Comment

          Our Divorce Forums
          Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
          Working...
          X