Will the judge buy her story?

[afajato]

last year and half when i was gonna leave my marriage,i packed and had a confrontation started by my soon to ex and was charged assault causing bodily harm.Although i was also hurt but she was not charged.
I went to trail and i was found not guilty and the case was dismissed by the crown.Her testimony was that i acted in self defense and that i am a good husband and father.
she wrote letters to the crowns office about how i am needed by the family and they were all entered in court files as evidence.
Now,7 months after the trail was dismissed,we r running through divorce and she is saying that She actually lied to save me so that i will stay in the marriage.If i am not staying then she says i abused her but she lied anticipating that i will reconcile.However she was on record saying i did not abuse her. Can i use all the transcripts of the previous case in Family court to prove that she is LIEING to get custody?
Will the judge buy that and determine her as a liar for custody?
As far as taking care,Talking about meals,i am the cook at home.Talking abt shopping,i am the 99%person who does all this.School meetings,doctors appointments and camps.I am the one who does 95% OF THEM.This is because i can drive and she cannot.However i will want her to be part but she want SOLE custody to get support from me.
So now what else?

[HammerDad]

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Buy yourself a digital voice recorder and have it recording AT ALL TIMES while in the house. It may not be admissable in court to prove parenting etc., but it is sure as hell admissable as evidence to defend any false accusations of abuse.

Move your belongings to a seperate bedroom from her if you haven't and get a lock for the door. Have a computer in there so you can download all your recordings or do it at work (ie. download only to a secure computer she doesn't have access to).

Then go radio silent. Do not speak to her about anything other then the kids (if any). Do not confront her or raise your voice. Do not become argumentative in any way. Should she seem to want to initiate a confrontation simply tell her "that you are not comfortable with the way the conversation is going and you are going to your room to be left alone".

Have company regularly so you have witnesses.

Edit - also DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. Unless you want to become a part time weekend dad, you stay there and tough it out. Journal all your interaction with your kids daily. If you get them up, feed them breakfast and then help them with homework, you list each and everything. This will help prove your an involved parent because, in family court, you don't have the right genitalia and will have to fight off the preconcieved notion that your stbx is the primary parent.

[AtALoss]

I agree with HammerDad. document evrything that you can. Unfortunately the courts are full of either false or exagerated accusations and reason being is that while we are in the troes of getting divorced the emotion etc run so extremely high. She will have a hard time with getting sole custody as she is already exibiting this behaviour. Too many times the kids are used as tools but on the brighter side, the courts are reluctant to award sole as they recognise the right of the child to see both parents. This is a good thing but the courts are reluctant to cross that line unless they have solid concrete proof beyond the he said she said.
So for you now gather all you can that you can that supports your parenting role. As well as start putting together how you intend to carry on after the divorce with your parenting plan. Get your stuff together to counter. Many will tell what I have and part of the reason for this is that a judge cannot rule on what he/she does not have infront of them. so if they have a half story thats what they are forced to go by.

[afajato]

I am home and not leaving

Edit - also DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. Unless you want to become a part time weekend dad, you stay there and tough it out. Journal all your interaction with your kids daily. If you get them up, feed them breakfast and then help them with homework, you list each and everything. This will help prove your an involved parent because, in family court, you don't have the right genitalia and will have to fight off the preconcieved notion that your stbx is the primary parent.[/quote]

Well,she is not at home since december,she took my 2 babies and run to the shelter reporting emotional and all abuses,i have my other 2 teens with me at home(family home)
We rent the apartment but i am still able to pay the rent and i continue living here with my 2 kids since she left.
It was after she left that she called to the CAS reporting of abuse on her and also abuse on the kids.
However when CAS came to interview the kids,(4x)they decline all accusations and i have a letter from CAS that the file is closed due to baseless accusations.They came to my home and then secretly to their schools but the kids said NO daddy dont touch anyone.
She sneaked to my kids school at recess to take them to the shelter to brainwash them but the kids refused to go.They told her we prefer to stay at home with daddy and if u want you can return.
My kids hinted CAS agent that our family was perfect till mommy cheated and daddy is asking for divorce and mommy said NO.
Then she went to see a lawyer saying,i abuse her and yell at her.She said i control our finances(we have joint account and she has a card alone)
So in general.....
1.Abuse reported to CAS is closed due to insuficient proofs and it is deemed baselss.
2.Court documents shows her on record saying i am a perfect dad.
3.She was on record saying its her mistake that has led to the breakdown of the family.
4.She wrote in court documents that she will hurt herself and if she does she wants the kids (ALL OF THEM)to be with their dad(ME)
5.At one point she wanted to commit suicide and doctor gave her antidepressants(that was when the affair was first revealed)
she wrote several letters to the crowns office and they were entered in court documents as evidence.
How will a family court judge buy her words now if she is saying she lied before under oath?

[HammerDad]

IMO, continue journalling everything. Get your lawyer to file a motion to have the younger children returned to the matrimonial home. She will try to claim you abused her, but you have the reports from various agencies and a failed DV claim to say you haven't been abusive.

Get you kids into counselling, take parenting courses and just be the best dad you can be. Do not let her get under your skin, or if she does, don't let her know she has. Keep all communication business like and strictly about the children. You don't care about how she is doing, and she doesn't need to know what you are up to.

[afajato]

Kids are in councelling

tHANKS A LOT Hammer dad,i have put the 2 kids that are with me in a councelling already and i am taking care of them.
The funny thing is that,when she left home and accused me of abuse to her and the kids,she asked CAS to ask me to bring the 2 with me to meet her at the CAS office and i refused.I told the office that will prove an abuse dad(meeting under supervision)
She then went to see a lawyer and ask certain days,days and times to have access to the 2 with me and the 2 with her and all 4 with me sometimes and all 4 with her sometimes.Her timing did not correspond with the kids school,councelling,after school activities and etc so i went to see my attorney yesterday to review it and see if it will be possible.However my conditions are,i will not want my teen kids to visit the shelter and want the 2 babies with her to come to my apartment so i can take all 4 to the malls or or some outing.Still await a reply.
She has totally destroyed the kids life and i am starting from scratch to build it again.
How do i do all to get them with me from this LIEING MOM?

I am waiting to get the transcript from the court house in few days and also other documents from the CAS(apart from the letter i got of closed file)
I have gone to the local police to collect the disclosure of the previous case where she said i abuse her in one place and the other she said No i did not and in court she said i did not on record.
Once i have the transcripts,i will then give all to the attorney and ask for the youngsters to be returned home.
Will that work for me?
Please help me

[HammerDad]

You are most likely going to need a lawyer. Depending on your income, you may qualify for legal aid. Call your local court house and ask when the Family Law duty counsel is in and arrange to be there at that time (they generally do not take appointments, it is a first come first serve basis).

Also, see if your local courthouse has a Family Law Information Centre. It is a service provided by the province where you can get family lawyers to help you with the procedural stuff.

[afajato]

Legal aid

I have already received a legal aid certificate and so is she.
We are both new to the country.
I have gone to see a lawyer who first want to seek access of the 2 kids with her to interact with the 2 with me and vice versa,however we have a first court appearance on the 29th which the lawyer said much will not happen that day.So till then i just have to be waiting and also waiting for the transcripts from the court on the previous case.

[billiechic]

I hate to say this but just because she retracted her claim of abuse doesn't mean that the court will believe her. Abused women often get back together with abusive spouses, and they will deny (or diminish) the abuse in order to reason it out for themselves. It is quite common for them to try to drop the charges in order for the abuser to come home. Judges aren't stupid (well most of them)

I'm not saying this is the case, but the story is better told by the evidence. The fact that CAS closed your case is good, but it depends on the reason. Sometimes they will close a file where domestic violence has been proven, because the couple is separated and there is much less risk of abuse as the kids are with only one parent. Were there any photos of injuries? what evidence was presented in the criminal case? Was it only her word against yours? (you don't have to answer, but these facts should help you figure out the likelyhood the court will believe her)

Follow the advice above, it's good. Protect yourself, spend time with your kids, but know that you are under the microscope.

[afajato]

i think it will be up to the judge to reason wether to trust someone who swears on oath and denial it it 7 months after that.

[NBDad]

Also, do you rent or own the home? If you own, you need to kick your lawyer in the ass to get you an order for exclusive possession ASAP. If you don't she can legally RETURN to the home at any time.

You should have gotten an emergency motion to have the 2 youngest returned to the matrimonial home asap upon her leaving with them.. Since you didn't your fighting an uphill battle with them.

Other than that, just keep documenting things and watch your back.

[afajato]

i could have done that but i did not have a lawyer and also there was an investigation going on by the CAS of her accusing ,e of abuse.
I could not have motioned anything if a case of abuse is being investigated by CAS.
Now that it is finished,file closed based upon baseless accusations,old court transcripts at hand,i can stand and motion to ask anything,this is because i can prove stuff.When all was in the air i could not do anything.How do i ask for the return of the 2 with her if i am under abuse investigation by CAS?
The funny thing is,the kids that are said to have been abused are those currently living with me since she left.
Who is WHO?

[afajato]

I received a parcel from CAS on friday and it states clearly that the kids who are with me are adamant of their love to me(dad)
It also states that,my soon to be ex tried to get a court order in january to remove them from home but it was refused.Also,it states that the kids said they are not afraid of me as my wife says and it is exaggeration.
Well,whe tried abuse card,abuse the kids(those who are still with me) and now she is saying my daughter saw me watching porn on her computer.Daughter said,No i did not.
5months ago,she fought all the offices for me,victims services,crown attorney and social workers and now she said all was a lie.
Court transcripts soon and will update here.

[afajato]

Can i file motion

Can i file a motion asking that my 2 with her be returned based upon all the notes i have or wait till she files a motion?Please read the story and advice me