Hi all,
I'm a 35 year old mother of a 2 year old boy. His father and I were married about 5 years, living in Edmonton and split at the end of July. We were foolish and decided to live in the same house while we were separating (negotiating our separation agreement and filing for divorce) and around the month of October, the strain became too much and he steadily became more nervous, angry and paranoid. He sometimes yelled at me in front of our son and even raised his hand to slap me in front of him too. In the end, he threatened my life and that of his own (saying it'd be much easier shooting me and then himself). The RCMP charged him with uttering threats and unregistered firearms possession and told him to stay away from the home. They also instructed me to have no contact with him (his bail conditions stipulated that he was to have no direct or indirect contact with me). I stepped up my plans to move home (Southwestern Ontario) and that I did.
I received an email from his lawyer about 3.5 weeks after my move. She was directing me to make contact with her so that access to his son could be arranged. I found my own lawyer and we began discussions with his side, and not a lot of progress was made over the many months until now. Basically, it's been a lot of negotiating, to which nothing has been agreed. I have allowed him to see his son every other weekend, because that was one of the things we agreed upon, though he wants to see him more often during the weekdays too. He's paid me the table amounts (on his own accord) for child support, but he's not paid any daycare fees (section 7 expenses) whatsoever.
I've parted ways with my lawyer, mainly because he made it clear that he doesn't want to do the work required while working for legal aid wages, so I'm going it alone for now, though it doesn't seem so daunting. While we were negotiating with our lawyers, my ex had filed a petition to the courts for shared custody and a generous amount of access (every other weekend plus every mon, wed and fri for 3 hours on those evenings). We answered with every other weekend as well as every wednesday for an overnight.
The last round of negotiating ended up sour, We told them that we'd like to have the matter heard in court, so now we've received notice for an early case conference. My question stems from this. I've read online that this is basically just a 15 minute meeting before a judge to go over the details on what is being asked for in the petition, and to also determine if there are any details which should be decided now, if there is an urgency. I know my ex will be asking for interim access to be determined, and I'm prepared to answer why status quo should be futhered:
My son shows signs of severe stress (he scratches when he's stressed or nervous) and every time he comes back from his father's, he's covered in scratches and has open sores from this. He's also always returned very dirty (clothes, face, hands) and sometimes hasn't been fed. Also, my ex smokes, and is doing this in the presence of my son. I know, not illegal or anything, but it's got to be damned immoral. He was given all kinds of info about my son's schedule and diet, but even when my son was sick with flu, he was fed pizza (I had to clean this up after the vomiting when he got home). Basically, I think I can demonstrate that even status quo is mildly distressing to my son and a change to increase the access would likely have a detrimental effect on him. I believe I can also demonstrate that my ex doesn't always have my son's best interests at heart.
I have detailed logs (I write down everything) of the exchanges and the state of my son upon return to my care, so I'm hoping this would show some credibility on my part, and I've taken pictures of my concerns also. I am going to seek help from a physician regarding the scratching and such, and hope to get in to see a phsychologist. Does anyone have experience with this? I really want care for my child, I don't like him going through this, but I also think that a note from my doctor or a letter from a psychologist would further my cause in court.
I'm BRAND new to court procedures, so if anyone has any advice for the early case conference, what comes after this or representing myself in court, I'd sure appreciate it. Thanks for any and all replies, I'm confident but nervous as heck at the same time!
Shea
PS: My ex's case was dropped by the prosecutor out west, so now there's nothing keeping him from me and keeping me safe. I want to get a restraining order but have never done this. Any help on this also would be appreciated. And can I mention his charges (even though they've been dropped) in the proceedings moving forward?
I'm a 35 year old mother of a 2 year old boy. His father and I were married about 5 years, living in Edmonton and split at the end of July. We were foolish and decided to live in the same house while we were separating (negotiating our separation agreement and filing for divorce) and around the month of October, the strain became too much and he steadily became more nervous, angry and paranoid. He sometimes yelled at me in front of our son and even raised his hand to slap me in front of him too. In the end, he threatened my life and that of his own (saying it'd be much easier shooting me and then himself). The RCMP charged him with uttering threats and unregistered firearms possession and told him to stay away from the home. They also instructed me to have no contact with him (his bail conditions stipulated that he was to have no direct or indirect contact with me). I stepped up my plans to move home (Southwestern Ontario) and that I did.
I received an email from his lawyer about 3.5 weeks after my move. She was directing me to make contact with her so that access to his son could be arranged. I found my own lawyer and we began discussions with his side, and not a lot of progress was made over the many months until now. Basically, it's been a lot of negotiating, to which nothing has been agreed. I have allowed him to see his son every other weekend, because that was one of the things we agreed upon, though he wants to see him more often during the weekdays too. He's paid me the table amounts (on his own accord) for child support, but he's not paid any daycare fees (section 7 expenses) whatsoever.
I've parted ways with my lawyer, mainly because he made it clear that he doesn't want to do the work required while working for legal aid wages, so I'm going it alone for now, though it doesn't seem so daunting. While we were negotiating with our lawyers, my ex had filed a petition to the courts for shared custody and a generous amount of access (every other weekend plus every mon, wed and fri for 3 hours on those evenings). We answered with every other weekend as well as every wednesday for an overnight.
The last round of negotiating ended up sour, We told them that we'd like to have the matter heard in court, so now we've received notice for an early case conference. My question stems from this. I've read online that this is basically just a 15 minute meeting before a judge to go over the details on what is being asked for in the petition, and to also determine if there are any details which should be decided now, if there is an urgency. I know my ex will be asking for interim access to be determined, and I'm prepared to answer why status quo should be futhered:
My son shows signs of severe stress (he scratches when he's stressed or nervous) and every time he comes back from his father's, he's covered in scratches and has open sores from this. He's also always returned very dirty (clothes, face, hands) and sometimes hasn't been fed. Also, my ex smokes, and is doing this in the presence of my son. I know, not illegal or anything, but it's got to be damned immoral. He was given all kinds of info about my son's schedule and diet, but even when my son was sick with flu, he was fed pizza (I had to clean this up after the vomiting when he got home). Basically, I think I can demonstrate that even status quo is mildly distressing to my son and a change to increase the access would likely have a detrimental effect on him. I believe I can also demonstrate that my ex doesn't always have my son's best interests at heart.
I have detailed logs (I write down everything) of the exchanges and the state of my son upon return to my care, so I'm hoping this would show some credibility on my part, and I've taken pictures of my concerns also. I am going to seek help from a physician regarding the scratching and such, and hope to get in to see a phsychologist. Does anyone have experience with this? I really want care for my child, I don't like him going through this, but I also think that a note from my doctor or a letter from a psychologist would further my cause in court.
I'm BRAND new to court procedures, so if anyone has any advice for the early case conference, what comes after this or representing myself in court, I'd sure appreciate it. Thanks for any and all replies, I'm confident but nervous as heck at the same time!
Shea
PS: My ex's case was dropped by the prosecutor out west, so now there's nothing keeping him from me and keeping me safe. I want to get a restraining order but have never done this. Any help on this also would be appreciated. And can I mention his charges (even though they've been dropped) in the proceedings moving forward?
Comment